Dont Date a Married

Ating married (or unavailable) men is not only an obvious waste of time but also it's dishonest and stupid. So why do so many women do it Some feel it's better than dating no one some find the very wrongness and danger of it (the secret hotel rendezvous) fun and exciting, and some hang on to the hope that one day the men will leave their wives for them. All these women suffer from low self-esteem, or why would they settle for so little We are not big advocates of therapy, but we believe it...

Dont Open Up Too Fast

There are many ways to kill a relationship. Getting heavy and examining everything is certainly one of them. Conditioned by therapy and self-help books to tell all, women tend to overdo it on first dates, bringing up past relationships, their hurts and fears, their alcohol or drug problem all in an attempt to bond with this new man. This is deadly and boring. Be intelligent but light, interesting yet mysterious. That's why we have suggested not opening up too fast. (See...

Dont Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change

L et's say you have met the man of your dreams almost. There are a couple of things you wish were different. What do you do Nothing Don't try to change him because men never really change. You should either accept certain flaws or find someone else. Of course it all depends on what it is about him that bothers you. If he is fanatically neat chronically tardy, hates Chinese food (your favorite) and disco dancing (you love it), or he won't part with his childhood baseball card collection, but he...

How to Act on Dates 1 2 and

Ii you are anything like us, you've thought a lot about how much the two of you have in common before he even arrives to pick you up. And you've named the children before he says hello. This type of seemingly innocuous daydreaming before the date is dangerous, possibly the worst thing you can do short of professing love to him during dessert. This kind of fantasizing leads to unfulfilled longing and to unrealistic expectations of romance and passion that make you prone to say foolish things lik...

Be Easy to Live With

The Rules are about playing hard to get. Once you've got him, it's about being easy to be with. Many things can go wrong in the first few months or year of marriage. You might have fights about where you'll live. There may be money problems or family problems. You thought you wouldn't have to work so hard, that you could work part-time and start planning for kids. He says he wants you to work full-time and have kids later. He thought you would make him home-cooked meals like his mother made his...

Do The Rules Even when Your Friends and Parents Think Its Nuts

.Remember your reaction when you first heard about The Rules or read this book No doubt you thought the idea was crazy, dishonest or extreme. Why can't love be more natural Why can't I ask a man out After all, we're approaching the 21st century. But because your way didn't work, you became open-minded rather quickly. Something deep down inside you said The Rules just might be the answer. Well, don't be surprised if the people around you don't support your new philosophy. Don't be surprised if...

Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in H i gh School

Ji. emember Janis Ian's song, I learned the rules at seventeen, that love was meant for beauty queens The fact is, unless you look like Brooke Shields, high school can be very rough. There's acne and not fitting into the in crowd, not to mention having to go to the prom with a group because you don't have a date. Our Rules for high school won't guarantee you a date for the prom, but they will bring out the very best in you and make you more attractive to the opposite sex. 1. If you have really...

Dont Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist

To telling your therapist everything, so it's only natural that you want to tell him or her about The Rules. We strongly suggest you don't go into great detail for the following reasons 1. Some therapists will think that The Rules are dishonest and manipulative. They will encourage you to be open and vulnerable in your relationships with men, to talk things out not to keep your feelings of love or hurt inside. That of course is the basis of the therapeutic process. It's great advice for...

Love Only Those Who Love

One of the greatest payoffs of doing The Rules is that you grow to love only those who love you. If you have been following the suggestions in this book, you have learned to take care of yourself. You're eating well and working out. You're busy with interests and hobbies and dating, and you're not calling or chasing men. You have high self-esteem because you are not sleeping around or having affairs with married men. You love with your head, not just your heart. You are honest you have...

Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College

If you're going to college soon, we'd like to save you about four years of heartache. Here are seven mistakes not to make, now that The Rules are part of your 1. Don't look up his class schedule and follow him around campus hoping he will eventually notice you. It's great exercise otherwise don't bother. Either he noticed you or he didn't. 2. Don't hang out in the dining hall for all three dinner shifts hoping to spot him at some point between 4 30 P.M. and 8 00 P.M., and end up gaining the...

Dont See Him More than Once or Twice a Week

Ost men fall in love faster than women. They also fall out of love faster. They may want to see you two or three times a week, some even every day, in the beginning. If you give in and see them every time, eventually they get restless and irritable, and then stop calling. They seem moody a lot and say things 1 ikze, I don't know what's wrong. I just have a lot going on right now. To keep a man from getting too much too soon, don't see him more than once or twice a week for the first month or...

Slowly Involve Him in Your Family and Other Rules for Women with Children

If you are a divorced or single woman with children, you should follow all The Rules. In addition, be especially careful when dating not to go on about all the pain from your first marriage or talk too much about your children. When you meet a man at a dance or social situation, it isn't really necessary to mention your children at all. Let him take your phone number, then wait until he calls for you to gently weave it into the conversation. Don't say in a serious tone I need to tell you...

Dont Tell Him What to Do

If your boyfriend wants to join the new in health club where all the leggy model types work out, don't tell him to jog on the street or exercise at home. Say, That's great and go about your business. Don't show that you are jealous or insecure. If he loves you, it won't matter how pretty the girls at the gym are. If he'd rather go camping with his friends on the we& ends than be with you, either let him or break up with him, but don't tell him what to do. Our friend Marcy was seeing Joe for...

Be Honest but Mysterious

En love mystery Fifty years ago it was easier to be mysterious with men. Women lived at home and their mothers answered the phone and never told the men who else called their daughters. Dates didn't see women's bedrooms so soon. Today, men pick up women at their apartments, see their lingerie in the bathroom, their romance novels in the living room, and hear their phone messages. While such openness is good for marriage it's important to project a certain amount of mystery during the dating...

Let Him Take the Lead

The man must take the lead or you fall over your feet. He should be the first one to say I love you, I miss you, I've told my parents so much about you. They can't wait to meet you. He should be an open book, you should be a mystery. Don't tell him he's the first person you've felt this way about in a long time or that you never thought you'd fall in love again. Remember, let him take the lead. He declares love first just as he picks most of the movies, the...

No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date

1t's common knowledge that men want as much as they can get on the first date. It's your job to slow them down. Let him kiss you on the first date, but nothing more. Keeping it to a kiss will force him not to think of you as just a physical object. If a Rules relationship is to develop, he must fall in love with your soul, your whole being, not just your body. So the less you do physically, the better. Beside it's easier to stop something if you don't let things get too hot and heavy right...

Dont Break The Rules

If you break The Rules, will he still marry you Women are always asking us this question. They do The Rules for a month or two and then stop. He still hasn't said I love you, much less proposed yet these women are now asking him out, bringing up marriage, and in some cases cleaning and decorating his apartment. They don't realize that The Rules way is not a hobby, but a religion. We keep doing The Rules until the ring is on our finger Let's take the case of our good friend, Candy. We told her...

Dont Live with a Man or Leave Your Things in His Apartment

To live together or not to live together Is that a question you're grappling with now Your friends (not knowing The Rules) might say, Do it. Your parents (being conservative) will no doubt say, No. The Rules answer is Move in only if you've set a wedding date. In other words, the only reason to live with someone is if you're planning the wedding and you don't want to pay two Contrary to popular belief, living together is not a trial period for him to see how he feels about you. He either loves...

How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time

The first three dates, you showed up and acted sweet. On the fourth date you can show more of yourself. You can talk about your feelings, as long as you don't get too heavy, or play therapist or mother. Exhibit warmth, charm, and heart. If his dog died or his baseball team lost, express sympathy. Look into his eyes, be attentive and a good listener so that he knows you are a caring human being a person who would make a supportive wife. Still, don't mention words like marriagp, wedding kids, or...

Next and Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection

Fortunately, The Rules will help ensure that you are never unnecessarily hurt by a man. By behaving around men in a Rules way independent and busy, not needy or aggressive we do not put ourselves in a position to be hurt. However, we cannot make a certain man like us or prevent a man from meeting someone else he likes better and consequently dropping us. And we can't stop an ex-girlfriend from winning him back. So what do we do when we get dumped Our natural reaction may be...

Dont Stare at Men or Talk Too Much

.i ooking at someone first is a dead giveaway of interest. Let him look at you If he doesn't notice you first, he's probably not interested. Keep walking, someone else will Did you know that there are workshops designed to teach women how to make eye contact with men they find attractive Save your money. It is never necessary to make eye contact. What about letting men know you're receptive We suggest simply smiling at the room (or the universe, if you will), and looking relaxed and...

Dont Talk to a Man First and Dont Ask Him to Dance

Ever Not even Let's have coffee or Do you come here often Right, not even these seemingly harmless openers. Otherwise how will you know if he spotted you first was smitten by you and had to have you, or is just being polite We know what you're thinking. We know how extreme such a rule must sound, not to mention snobbish, silly, and painful but taken in the context of The Rules, it makes perfect sense. After all, the premise of The Rules is that we never make anything happen, that we trust in...

Be a Creature Unlike Any Other

.Z eing a creature unlike any other is a state of mind. You don't have to be rich, beautiful, or exceptionally smart to feel this way about yourself. And you don't have to be born with this feeling either. It can be learned, practiced, and mastered, like all the other rules in this book. Being a creature unlike any other is really an attitude a sense of confidence and radiance that permeates your being from head to toe. It's the way you smile (you light up the room), pause in between sentences...

But First the Product You

.Z efore The Rules can be applied for the best, most unbelievable results the man of your dreams asking you to marry him you have to be the best you can be. Certainly not perfect or gorgeous, but the best you can b so . . . Look your best The better you look, the better you will feel, and the more desirable you will become to him. Maybe other men will start finding you more attractive and asking you out. You will no longer feel that the man you're currently dating is the only man on earth....

What Are The Rules

H ow many times have you heard someone say, She's nic she's pretty, she's smart. . . why isn't she married Were they talking about you, perhaps Ever wonder why women who are not so pretty or smart attract men almost effortlessly Frankly, many women we know find it easier to relocate to another state, switch careers, or run a marathon than get the right man to marry them If this sounds like you, then you need The Rules What are The Rules They are a simple way of acting around men that can help...

Dont Rush into Sex and Other Rules for Intimacy

When it okay to have sex The Rule depends on your age and personal feelings. If you're eighteen and a virgin, you will want to wait until you are in a committed relationship. If you're thirty-nine, waiting a month or two can be fine. Of course, if you feel strongly against premarital sex, you should wait until you're married. If he loves you, he'll respect whatever decision you make. But don't be surprised if the man you're dating gets very angry when you kiss him good night in the lobby at the...

Dont Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday

.Zt's quite common these days for men to ask women out for the same night or the very next day. And it's equally common for women to accept such casual, last-minute invitations out of fear that it will be the best offer they get that week. But this is not a Rules date. The man who eventually wants to marry you will not wait until the last minute to ask you out. On the contrary, he is kind, considerate thoughtful and also afraid that if he doesn't pin you down five days in advance he may not see...

Always End Phone Calls First

D on't call men see Rule 5 , except to occasionally return their calls. When a man calls you, don't stay on the phone for more than ten minutes. Buy a timer if you have to. When the bell rings, you have to go That way you seem busy and you won't give away too much about yourself or your plans even if you don't have any plans . By ending the conversation first, you leave them wanting more. Good conversation enders are I have a million things to do, Well, it's been really nice talking to you,...

Practice Practice Practice or Get tig Good at The Rules

H owdoe s one get good at The Rules Unfortunately, the same way one gets good at playing the piano or tennis or anything else. Practice practice and more practice Once you're truly convinced you need Die Rules, you should read this book over and over again until you've practically memorized it, then practice the principles as much as possible. Don't expect to get them right the first time or every time. We didn't. We broke rules, got hurt and then eventually got serious and did The Rules as...

Always End the Date First

If you have not been living by The Rules, then you probably didn't know that the first date or two should last no more than five hours. A good way to end the date is to nonchalantly glance at your watch and say something like Gosh, I really must be going now. I have such a busy day tomorrow. As we said before don't say what you're doing. It doesn't matter and it's none of his business. Ending the date first is not so easy when you really like him and want to marry him, and you're both having a...

Dont Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date

En love a challenge that's why they play sports, fight wars, and raid corporations. The worst thing you can do is make it easy for them. When a man is trying to set up a date to meet you, don't say, Actually, I'm going to be in your area anyway don't offer the names of restaurants between your place and his, unless he asks. Don't say much at all. Let him do all the thinking, the talking, let him flip through the Yellow Pages or magazine listings and call a couple of friends for suggestions to...

Accentuate the Positive and Other Rules for Personal

P ecsorial ads have become a popular way to meet men. But many women shy away from ads because they feel it smacks of desperation. Don't worry We know lots of women who've placed and answered ads without seeming desperate or too interested. That's because they wrote or responded to ads in a Rules way. Ads can be expensive so make yours no more than four or five lines. Ads that run on and on are a waste of money and seem desperate. Why else would anyone spend six hundred dollars for one ad Not...

Dont Call Him and Rarely Return His Calls

If you are following The Rules religiously, there is no reason to call him. He should be calling you, and calling you again and again until he pins you down for a date. To call men is to pursue them, which is totally against The Rules. They will immediately know that you like them and possibly lose interest Another reason not to call men is so you don't catch them in the middle of something-watching a football game, paying bills, entertaining a friend, or even sleeping when they may not be in...

Meet a Rules Girl

Ii you had ever met Melanin you wouldn't have thought she was extraordinarily pretty or smart or special, but you might have noticed that she had a way of behaving around men that put prom queens to shame. Melanie did the best with what she had she wore makeup and clothes well, and acted elusive. Unlike other, prettier girls who ran after men or made themselves available every time a man called, Melanie acted indifferent sometimes aloof, sometimes nice, but always happy and busy. She didn't...

Last But Not Least 12 Extra Hints

When he asks you out silently count to five before saying yes. It will make him nervous and that's good 2. Don't call him even when you feel mean about not calling him. If he loves you, he'll call anyway. When he asks you to call him, call him once. Do the absolute 3. When he asks you out for ice cream, a drink, or to a football game when you wish you were going out for a fancy dinner, say Sure Remember, you're hard to get but easy to be with You'll go to an expensive 4. When walking down...

Even if Youre Engaged or Married You Still Need The Rules

Ideally, we do The Rules from the minute we meet a man until he says he loves us and proposes. But if you were not lucky enough to learn about The Rules before reading this book, we suggest you do the best you can right now. Better to do The Rules now However, if you did not know about The Rules until now, don't think you can totally erase the way you related to your fiance or husband from the beginning of your courtship. For example, if you initiated the relationship, called him up, asked him...