Using Compliments Well

Compliments are universally accepted vehicles for letting people know you like them or some particular thing about them. Nothing is more reassuring and confidence boosting than receiving a genuine compliment. Many people aren't keen on paying compliments because they feel that doing so shows their hand and makes them feel more vulnerable to rejection. Giving compliments doesn't weaken your position, however. In fact, one complimentary sentence can consolidate it. If everyone made a point of...

Changing Your Flirting Style

Even if the change is welcome, you can still find it challenging. Maintaining changes you've made can be equally hard, but once you've established them as a way of life, they're just the way you do things. If you're finding making changes difficult, write this mantra on a piece of paper and pin it to your bathroom mirror. Repeat it every time you see it and when you're finding changes difficult 'If you always do what you've always done, you'll always have what you...

Reading Secret Flirting Signals

Spotting the female flirting clues Looking out for male signals J s well as the general flirting signals and body language (explained in the preceding two chapters), more gender-specific tips exist to tell if someone wants to be more than just friends. See if you can spot the extra tell-tale signals that give their game away - then act on them Both men and women make use of their body movements and facial gestures to flirt. They preen they smile they make use of their eyes to convey interest....

Looking beyond Mr or Miss Perfect

Nothing is as futile, demoralising, or limiting to your flirting agenda as having a fixed idea of how your perfect partner should be. Watching someone saving themselves exclusively for a person they've never met but who's 'fabulous looking, x feet tall, earns x, has never been married, and is the life and soul of the party', is very sad. Finding Mr or Miss Goodenough is easier and more likely, especially if they too have a more forgiving list of attributes they're hoping to find in a mate....

Filling Your Space Confidently

Height is one of the most common responses I get when asking women what they look for in a man. However, what actually appeals to them isn't height but stature. A very tall man skulking about with rounded shoulders is very unappealing. A man of more modest height, who carries himself well, with his shoulders back and his chest out, is far more attractive. The difference is stature. People of either sex who have good stature fill their space well, look more confident, and are more attractive as...

Evaluating your adaptability

A good flirt uses their interpersonal talents appropriately, in both the workplace and socially. Whether you're improving your working relationships, making friends or winning dates, the same skills are at play to a greater or lesser degree. By learning to play with the 'volume' control on the elements of your flirting skills, you can adapt your flirting appropriately regardless of the setting. For example, you wouldn't want your boss feeling as if you were hitting on them, and by the same...

Diverting the conversation from contentious topics

Talking about sex, religion, or politics is usually a no, no unless you're a vicar or a politician. Remember that the aim of any initial conversation is simply to open it and use it as an opportunity to find out things you have in common. Divisive threads of conversation may give you an opportunity to show off your debating prowess, but whether the other person still wants to speak to you when you've beaten them into submission with your interpretation of the socioeconomic reasons behind the...

Taking Acceptable Risks

To lose, you're taking an acceptable risk, which is so much easier. Different levels of risk are incurred at each stage of the flirting process Stage 1 Deciding who to flirt with is the least risky in terms of rejection. Stage 2 Deciding who to strike up a conversation with is slightly more risky. Stage 3 Making a pass at someone is the most risky, but compared to other personal risks you take, such as driving or flying, is very small. The more experience you have at flirting, the more likely...

Grasping the Gender Gap and Other Strategies for Flirting Success

Setting the girls apart from the boys Differing ends of the attractive spectrum 7o enjoy life as a successful flirt, you have to start treating the opposite sex as an opposite sex. While employers may like to pretend 'staff' means an androgynous mass of people, and reams of red tape enforce the concept, ultimately we're opposite sexes. From the office to the bedroom, different things make each gender tick and trying to pretend otherwise is flirting suicide. Embracing the differences and the...

Opening Lines for the Supermarket

Flirting with people in supermarkets is super easy because you can tell so much about them from their food choices. In fact, if they've got a trolley full of fast food and booze you may even want to eliminate them from your flirtation on the grounds that they'll have blocked arteries and a hardened liver before they hit middle age The contents of someone's trolley or the waiting time at the checkouts are perfect subjects for opening lines 'Lychees I've always wondered what you do with those. Do...

Letting Your Fingers Do the Talking

So much can be said without ever uttering a word. These days we rely heavily on text, email, and instant messaging to do the talking for us, but if someone you're having a drink with receives a text from you saying 'touch me', they'll be thrown, alarmed, and probably uncooperative. Sometimes only your fingers can do the talking. When you first start flirting with someone you're both in your own little territory, but when things start to get more intimate you need to start invading their space,...

Developing Killer Rapport with Body Language

You're moving into the non-verbal territory in this part. Contrary to popular belief, what you say isn't as important as how you say it. The chapters in this part cover how to project all the right signals to let people know how interested you are, make all the right noises without saying a word, spot the secret flirting clues that are specific to men and women, and learn how to spot a liar. Enjoy practising, offering, and interpreting the body language clues you need for successful flirting.

Spotting availability from afar

Telling if someone is available isn't as difficult as it sounds. You can use clues such as their dress and posture to determine who will and won't be receptive to your flirtation. Ideally, you'll make the initial determination from afar. Being well dressed or better dressed than usual (if you already know the person) is a good indicator of intent. If you've never met them before, are they better dressed than others in the immediate social environment If so, they've made a special effort in...

Getting Your Proximity Right

Understanding how to position yourself in relation to other people is a vital skill. Proximity can make or break an encounter. Too far away and they lose interest due to the lack of connection, too close and you frighten them off as you're encroaching on their space. .ajabe* Using the right body language, but in the wrong proximity or part of the flirting process, can be fatal. The following sections explain ( MM ) how to get exactly where you want to be and what you should be doing when you...

Turning heads with body language

Would the paparazzi be chasing Brad Pitt or Angelina Jolie up the red carpet if they moved like Homer and Marge Simpson Not likely. Body language that's different to the norm grabs attention. Strong, definite movements, for example, demonstrate confidence, which in turn serves as both a magnet for other people and as an aphrodisiac. (You can read more on confidence in Chapter 5). People who exhibit definite body language and distinctive movements, as well as those who move differently as a...

Opening Lines for Speeddating

Speed-dating's great as you're all in the same boat. Everyone knows that everyone else is single and looking for lurve. The pressure's certainly on to find an opening line that works. You can play it straight or make a remark about the event itself. Here are some examples (Playing it straight.) 'Hi, I'm Elizabeth, pleased to meet you' followed by a friendly handshake. This works because standard conversation code is followed and everybody knows where they are and how to respond. (Chapter 8 has...

Starting an Office Romance

Most people meet their future spouse at work, but before you pack in your dating subscription, cancel your speed-dating extravaganza, and wait for the proposals of marriage to flood in, you need to consider a few things. Getting to know somebody better in the office while under the protective relationship of being a colleague is a fantastic way to decide if you like them without actually showing your hand. Flirting with married colleagues is one of the worst and potentially most destructive...

Taking flirting outside Work

Flirting in the workplace is fine if you're discreet. If you're involved in a full-on flirtation, using overt sexual gesturing, the office isn't the place. Similarly, if you feel uncomfortable, or suspect the other person would feel more comfortable continuing the flirtation without the obtrusive interest of your colleagues, take it outside the workplace. You may not feel ready to ask them for a date, so picking an event when you can continue your flirtation in more appropriate circumstances is...

Getting in Tune with Body Language

Body language is a fundamental part of flirting because it shows how available, attractive, enthusiastic, and sexy we are, or are not. Some signals are unconscious, so you have no control over them and nothing to learn others are deliberate, so you need to put your best effort into learning them. Being able to interpret other people's body language and actions provides you with clues to their emotions. You can use this information to tell when someone fancies you and also to build relationships...

Being Interesting and Interested

Showing interest in others Being more interesting Making others feel valued Receiving and giving compliments rn Bo you get a tiny pang of jealousy when you see other people effortlessly engage in animated conversation with anyone and everyone they meet Who wouldn't want to be a conversational whizz Self-inflicted pressure to appear interesting and make stimulating conversation can be immense, both socially and at work. Reversing this pressure is easy, though just focus on being interested in...

Looking at the Importance of Body Language

After you've said and done all the right things, your body and facial language do the rest of the work and give you all the clues you need to tell whether you're being flirted with or to let someone know how you feel about them without actually having to say a word. As Figure 10-1 shows, your body language, appearance, and tone of voice form over 90 per cent of a first impression. The words account for a meagre 7 per cent of the impact. Yet, if you're like most people, you probably spend more...

What men and Women find attractive

Opposites attract, but often for the reasons you least expect In my flirting seminars I play a game with the attendees whereby the men say what they like and dislike when they first meet a woman and then the women do the same. I've played this game with thousands of people over the years and the results are often a surprise for each group. Here's what I find (note that this info, while not scientific, is illuminating) Men Oddly, good looks rarely ever come up in the men's list of top ten...

Making the Right Initial Choices A Flirting Checklist

Choosing to flirt with someone you find attractive, as opposed to someone who's available, is a very common mistake and one of the main reasons for rejection. Yet the person being rejected takes it personally, even when the object of their failed flirtation wasn't looking for someone to flirt with in the first place. You can minimise your chances of rejection at the early stages of a flirtation by working through the flirting checklist and making sure everyone's getting the right message. Mark...

Emulating someone you admire

Copying someone you admire - your flirting icon - is one of the simplest ways to improve your flirting style. Flirting icons aren't limited to the rich and famous fabulous flirts are in action all around you. If you've worked with someone who always seems to effortlessly get their own way, or who's never short of company, or who relishes entertaining a crowd of people, then you've watched a supreme flirt in action. Mimicking their technique 100 per cent isn't always possible, but you can adapt...

Reading Male Flirting Signals

Research shows us that women have a range of 52 flirting signals to let men know they're interested men have approximately 10. Thankfully women are quite adept at spotting and deciphering these clues To see if a man's interest in you is more than just passing, look for the following preening clues when you're around a man Hair A guy either smooths or messes up his hair, depending on his hairstyle, to show you that he's trying to display himself at his very best. Smoothing When he flattens his...

Banishing flirting baggage

Flirting baggage is all the bad experiences we carry with us that convert into negative feelings and effectively stop us from fulfilling our flirting potential. Banishing your flirting baggage is a must before you rebuild your lovely flirting skills. Two types of baggage exist The type that you tell people about. Your mother told you not to air your dirty laundry in public for a reason. Not only are people uncomfortable hearing about it, this baggage reflects negatively on you, regardless of...

Flirting with intent The signs

Flirting with intent is when someone's interested in being more than just friends and their behaviour changes to indicate the romantic motive behind their actions. This intention is hormone-fuelled, and being able to tell when this is happening is useful for either progressing a relationship or avoiding leading that person on. Establishing if someone wants more than friendship is useful when you're flirting with intent or are trying to determine whether someone else is flirting with intent with...

Preening in Public

Preening in public is exactly how Mother Nature prepared you to attract a mate. The jungle is full of exotic creatures displaying themselves at their best to create the best chance of attracting the fittest mate. The situation's no different for humans so don't be shy and get ready to shake your tail feathers Unlike the animal kingdom where the males (which are the brightly coloured or striking looking half of the union) are usually putting on the display, the females do most of the displaying...

Using opening lines

'I'm here, now what are your other two wishes ' one enthusiastic stranger blurted in my ear when I was least expecting it. Not the best opening line I've ever heard, but surprisingly not the worst either. The point of an opening line is that the other person recognises it as an attempt to initiate conversation. Your conversational opener doesn't have to be contrived, and avoiding chat-up lines is probably best unless you've got lots of experience in delivering them successfully. Sticking to...

Tuning animal instincts

Flirting in the human and animal worlds has been studied by everyone from anthropologists to psychologists and you can use their findings to your benefit. In the animal kingdom, the males are adorned with ornate tail feathers, impressive manes, or striking markings to attract a female. In humans, however, the situation's reversed with the exception of the sixteenth and seventeenth centuries when men sported massive wigs and flamboyant clothing, women have taken on the role of prettying...

Gauging Your Listeners Response

Listening Posture

Gauging your listener's response is useful in telling how interested they are in you. You can achieve this through a combination of linguistics and body language. Checking the linguistics is a great way to see if somebody wants to chat or flirt more with you, and works equally well in social and work environments. Interpreting linguistic clues is particularly useful if you haven't got the hang of reading body language yet or want another indicator to back it up. The three simple indicators of...

Reading Body Language

Body language speaks louder than words you reveal all your thoughts, moods, and attitudes through it. You can also read the conscious and subconscious thoughts of the person you're flirting with by simply observing what they are or are not doing. I've heard so many people comment that somebody doesn't like them or is feeling defensive just because they've seen them cross their arms. Interpreting this gesture in these ways is a classic mistake one movement alone doesn't create a mood or...

Almost Ten Places where Unwanted Admirers may Strike

Putting space between yourself and colleagues Dealing with strangers Losing unwanted admirers rn Occasionally finding that your new best friend, colleague, or flirtation is actually very annoying can be disappointing. Worse still is when you find out they're actually pretty clingy and resistant to your polite efforts to let them down gently. Most people have both the ability to tell when a relationship -romantic, work, as friends, or otherwise - isn't quite working and the sense to know when...

Reading and Reacting to Female Flirting Signals

Women have some extra flirting clues that are peculiar to the fairer sex. Look out for these in addition to the clues you've gleaned already. You may know the old saying 'a face can tell a thousand stories'. In the midst of a flirtation you can certainly tell a lot from a woman's facial expression, particularly by knowing how to read her eyes and mouth movements. Intense feelings cause the tear glands to secrete fluid, but they won't overflow and reduce her to tears unless she's feeling pain or...

Ten Tips for Safe Flirting

Protecting your identity Meeting safely Having a plan B Protecting yourself our mother told you never to speak to strangers, but now you're an adult you can just adopt safe strategies when flirting and dating. Always keep safety in the back of your mind whilst flirting, but don't worry about it so much that it prevents you from enjoying it. Be aware of these ten top tips to ensure that you can flirt with gay abandon and remain safe in the process. Giving any of your key personal details away...