It is riarie, if not imposssble, fori somebody to laugh and be angry at the same time. Not a big rievelation, right?
Well, it is equally true that getting someone to laugh, is second only to makng love, as the most effective way to get someone into a pleasuriable mood.
(Well, okay, giving someone a million bucks might do it too!)
But before you go out there and make a complete clown ass of yourself, understand that humori needs to be done a certain way. More specifically, The Alpha Way!
Beforie I get into the really good stuff though, I want to stop you RIGHT NOW from being that complete clown ass I just spoke of.
I came up with the name "complete clown ass" to describe people who arie being a "complete ass" and "clown" is theiri middle name! They arie the people who might actually be quite funny, and might be able to make almost anyone laugh. But wherie they scriew up, is by makng humori theiri only real appealing quality.
They make someone laugh, and think, "Cool, I'll just keep doing this since it's working." So they tell joke afteri joke, ori make one funny comment afteri the otheiri Ori worst of all, they try to give a funny reply afteri almost everything the person says. And most of the time a complete clown ass will quite frequently laugh at his/heri OWN jokes, comments, and replies. The complete clown ass has fallen into the trap of overiussng humori, and the man motivation fori why they do this, is to gain acceptance. They have become a one-trick pony, and I have yet to find an Alpha who is THAT!
So if you ' rie the knd of person who sounds even slightly like a complete clown ass, STOP IT!!!
Humori definitely has an imporitant role in youri overiall Alpha personality. But like otheri aspects of youri Alpha personality, you need to show only samples of it, so that people get drawn in deeperi and deepeiri An excellent example of this is "The Howarid Stein Show." While Howad Stern is a funny-as-hell guy all by himself, what adds to the enjoyment are the sound effects. Fori example, Howarid might ask a woman how many bowel movements she has in a day. [Which is an atypical question, sending the person off balance, which is an EXCELLENT Alpha technique when used sparingly!) Right after Howard asks that question, there might be a "farting" sound effect, or a "grunting" sound effect. That makes the whole thing even funner! If they did a sound effect every 5 seconds, it would lose it ' s humorous power. But by doing it out of the blue, and infrequently, it makes you laugh even harder. [Enough about Howard Stern, he's not paying to be in this book!) Your sense of humor needs to be like those sound effects, out of the blue and infrequent. And since I am such a nice bastard, I will even give you a real life example from my personal files. To set the scene: I was at a restaurant and waiting at the bar until my table was ready. A striking [but ignorant in the area of matching shoes with lipst'ick) blonde was at the bar stool when I sat down. I noticed that her napkn was stickng to the bottom of her drink, so I pulled it off and sat it down in front of her. Okay...and ACTION!
Blonde: Oh, thank you.
Alpha Man: That ' ll be $4.50 for services rendered. <---[Humor, for those who missed it)
Blonde: [laughs) Will you take a check? Alpha Man: What ' s your name?
Blonde: Bertha <---[Not her real name, I made it up)
Alpha Man: Who are here waiting for, Bertha? Blonde: My date. Well, he ' s actually my boyfriend. Alpha Man: Oh, bummer. Blonde: Sorry
Alpha Man: No, I meant it ' s a bummer that a perfect stranger had to rescue you from that killer napkn, because your boyfriend is keeping you waiting. <---[slight humor in there)
Blonde: Oh, he ' s not. He ' s coming here from wok, so it ' s probably just traffic.
Alpha Man: Really? Where does he work?
Blonde: Wmp T Wuss Incorporated <---[Not the real company name...duh!)
Alpha Man: Interesting. I drove by there on my way here, traffic was fine. Maybe he stopped off someplace first. Blonde: [defensve) What are you trying to say?
Alpha Man: That maybe he stopped someplace. You know, to get you flowers or something.
[I noticed a very nice silver ring on her thumb, so I reached over and held her thumb as I commented on it)
Alpha Man: Nice. I bet that didn' t get won at some carnival. <---[humor)
Blonde: [smiles, slight laugh) Nope, it ' s the real thing.
[I heard my name being called, my table was ready, but I continued rubbing her thumb)
Alpha Man: Do you know where the idea of thumb rings originated? Blonde: Hmm, I never thought about it. I guess they had to come from somewhere. So where did they come from?
Alpha Man: Oh, that ' s my name their calling. Come sit with me until your boyfriend arrives, I'll explain the thumb ring origin to you.
Blonde: No, that ' s fine. It wouldn ' t be appropriate.
Alpha Man: You know, you ' re right? I got so comfortable, I let my guard down and almost let a total stranger sit with me at my table.
Blonde: Well...I'm not a total stranger, you know my name.
Alpha Man: [in a jokng dramatic tone) Hmm, how do I know that wasn ' t some false name given, to relax my suspicions so you could sneak a seat at my table. You cad! You scoundrel! <—[humor)
Blonde: (laughing) But you invited me.
Alpha Man: Oh, well in that case, let ' s go. <—[said in a serious tone, not humor)
[I took her hand and she joined me at my table until her boyfriend showed up.)
Notice that after I made the funny comment about "services rendered", and she replied with something funny, I did not continue the humor. I went right into something different. The humor got her attention and got her talkng, which is all I wanted. Then the next funny thing I said, was a serious sounding comment with a funny choice of wads [killer napkn). Then while first complimenting her ring, I injected a slightly funny comment [not a carnival ring). Then I only acted outrageously funny at the end, when I already knew I could get her to my table, and just needed to get her laughing so she would not resst.
As an Alpha, your primary personality is one of confidence and influence. Think of them as the two pieces of a fine Italian suit. Ussng this metaphor, humor would be the stitching that is holding them together. Humor is interwoven though the confidence and the influence. But, j'ust like a fine Italian suit has to have the right knd of stitching, in order to be truly impesssve, so too must you have the right knd of humor. Because without the right humor [the stitching) your confidence and influence [the suit) will not be as attractive to people.
Okay, so what is the "right knd" of humor? What is my idea of "Alpha Humor"?
For starters, you have to already have a sense of humor. I can ' t make you funny. So if you ' re not someone who ever tells a joke, or doesn ' t get the humor in mostjokes that you hear, then don ' t force it. Humor IS important, but it ' s more important that you be REAL. If you ' re just not a funny person, then I strongly and highly suggest that you rent a bunch of stand up comedian videos or DVDs. Find a stand up comedian, or two or three, that you think fits YOUR personality (By the way, you have been doing the "Building an Alpha Personality" exercises, riiiight?) Then pay attention to how the comedian gestures, how they SAY the words that make the audience laugh, how they pause. DO NOT borrow the comedian' s materiel and pretend that it ' s yours though. You want to match the style, the technique, not steal the goods.
Then smply practice this humorous sde of your personality until you find it flowing naturally and getting people to laugh.
Oh, and while I view comedian Robin Williams as an Alpha, I wouldn ' t suggest borrowing his delivery style. He has a very unique style, so adopting it is likely to result in people smply thinkng you ' re trying to act like Robin Williams! (Hint: Part of being an effective Alpha is not trying to be someone else)
If, however, you wee a complete clown ass, then at least you have the interest and ability to being funny, and just need some guidance on how to do it the Alpha way.
For starters, the right knd of humor, Alpha humor, has tojust naturally flow from your mouth. It can not be forced, nor look like an attempt to be funny. It just has to come out. And the most effective way is to have it come out in a way that seems spontaneous, and can have some sarcasm to it, and should most times be slightly off from what someone might have expected.
Hee is another real-life example to demonstrate my point. It was a conversation I had with a ladyfriend one evening.
ME: The secret to lasting seduction, is creative romance, in my opinion. SHE (curious): Creative, huh? How would YOU be romantic in a creative way?
ME: Well, first (made my voice softer...slower) I would take her hand, and let us feel the warmth that ' s being given to each other from this contact. Then, I will look deeply into her eyes, soakng in her gaze. And then, very slowly, I would reach in toward her...and hit her in the head with a brick. SHE (look of confus^n, then she laughed): That ' s twisted!
The important thing to know hee, is that the "punchline" was said with the same softness and sensuality as the other things that I said. As if I actually found it as romantic as the other things I had said. By saying it like that, the SOUND of the words was sensual, but the words themselves wee not, which made it funny. It ' s like when a person says, "I'm extremely happy today" but they say it in a yelling and angry tone. They conflict with each other, and that can be very funny.
It also made it funny, because it came out of the blue. I started off with things that sounded romantic, and ended with something pretty far from romantic.
Also, I didn ' t laugh as I said it, nor even after SHE started laughing. I smply smiled. That added some Alpha power to it, because it has the element of playful arrogance to it.
When someone says something funny, but doesn ' t laugh afterwards, or just gives a slight smile, it just makes it even funnier. Why? Who cares, ,'ust get into the habit of doing it!
A great example of this, is comedian Will Farrell. What makes him so funny in my opinion, is that his delivery style is to say the funniest stuff in a serious tone, and to not smile or laugh after saying it.
There ARE times when it ' s perfectly fine to laugh along with someone. Like when one of you is sharing a funny or embarrass^ story, or when the OTHER person says something that you found genuinely funny. (I said 2genuinely" because I am completely against pretending something is funny just to please people.)
Laughter is good, and should be expressed when you feel it. I know of many people who, for whatever reasons, smply don ' t laugh along with other people. You can tell a story or a joke that is hilarious, but the most you ' ll get out of them is a weak smile. And that is sad, in my personal opinion. It ' s sad, because it tells me that they are either unable to appreciate the humor in things, or they think laughing is a weakness. If a person is smply unable to see the humor in things, there ' s not much I can say to them, because showing someone the humor in things is harder than makng someone humorous.
A person who sees laughter as a weakness, fails to fully appreciate the power it contains. Presdents and rules of countries are quite often seen laughing together, so obviously people of such power are not weak, right? When American politicians are speakng to people as they campaign, they will inject some humor in their speeches. This has the power of building rapport, and gives listeners a feeling of approachability toward the politician. And often times the politician is not very skilled at humor, but because of the seriousness of politics, it gives a knd of release of tenson, for both the candidate and the listener.
The key, is to balance your humor with your moments of seriousness. Thee are times when it is appropriate to be funny, and times when it is not. This is something I'm sure you already know. Yet too often you might be forgetting this, due to wanting to impress someone, or out of nervousness. It ' s common to try and beak tenson with some humor, or to try and make someone feel good by makng a joke. Both of which are fine sometimes, just not ALL the time.
The key, that I have leaned, is to make your humor as unexpected as posssble. Meaning, get in the habit of injecting humor in places people are not expecting it. NOT AT A FUNERAL THOUGH! When I say "places" I am talkng about places in the conversation, not locations. For example, if you ' ve been talkng with someone for almost an hour on a serous subject, a sudden comment like "ussng all these big words is makng my head hurt" can improve the encounter better than you might think. If they don ' t laugh, so what? As long as you ae not being insensitive towad the subject, nor demeaning to the person, there is nothing wrong and nothing lost saying something humorous.
And as long as you ' re not trying to make every other thing you say into a joke, you ' ll probably do fine.
I have found that when talkng with very serious people, humor is still effective, even when they don ' t laugh, or don ' t vissble seem to get the humor. In THOSE cases, the worst thing you can do is appear uncomfortable or apologetic. So NEVER let their lack of laughter cause you to say "sorry" nor let it make you think "Crap, that bombed." This can be hard to do at first, because it IS uncomfortable to think you ' re not in rapport with someone you wee just humorous with. But you need to lean that the point of humor is not always to make someone laugh, but is instead to inject a playful part of your pesonality. You ' re not responsble for makng people laugh, so don ' t rely on it.
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