What if I told you that rejection doesn ' t really exst? Would you "reject" that as true? Pr obably.
But let me ask you, what does "rejection" look like? Is it tall or short? Can you touch it? Is it solid, or pliable, or watery? What does it smell like? What does it taste like?
You can ' t answer these questions, because "rejection" is just a word. And as with all words, the only power source it has, is the emotion you attach to it when you "feel" it. Without that, it is as non-exstent as a Unicorn (Not to offend those who believe in unicorns.)
So while the information in this chapter so far is NOT likely a surprise to you, the truth is, far too many of us are still walkng though the world as if "rejection" were a living, breathing, monster, that vanquished our hopes and dreams. As if something outsde your own control and abilities came along and took something from you that you wanted to have.
And of all the posssble outcomes, "rejection" is the one that has the most interesting dichotomy. What I mean is, when you "get rejected," the result is at first a painful feeling, yet that very same "rejection" is looked at later as a good thing when something you otherwise couldn ' t have done, occurs.
For example, let ' s say that "Mo" applied to a specific college, but was not accepted. "Mo" is angry and hurt and feels all manner of posssbilities have now been eliminated as a result. Flash forward to the Fall season, as "Mo" has begun classes at a different college, and has met "Bo" and they are deeply in love. "Mo" looks at that "rejection" from the other college as a blesssng now, because otherwise the romance with "Bo" would not have happened.
The exact same "rejection," yet two vastly opposite feelings about it, smply based on what followed as a result.
So is what "Mo" really experienced a "rejection," or was it a blesssng?
My effort here is to get you to focus NOT on what knd of "loss" you feel when a "rejection" occurs, but rather to focus ON what posssble benefit could come from that "rejection."
I realize this is easer said than actually done, especially if you attached a lot of expectation, emotion, and effort toward something. And it can be tough not to attach expectation and emotion to the efforts you are makng. Which is why you need to get into the habit of placing "levels" to these things.
Think of it like the volume level on your televson. Just like you don ' t always have the level as high as it can poss^y go when you watch televson, so too should you not have your expectation levels and emotional levels cranked full volume.
The smple fact is, when the level of attachment to something ends up being higher than the result that occurs, you feel less than pleased with it. If you put forth a lot of effort, and in that effort you expect a one dollar raise from your boss, but your boss ends up giving you only a fifty cent raise, you feel you ' ve failed. In other words, you feel "rejected." However, had your level of expectation been to get ANY knd of rase, then that fifty cents would feel like a success, right?
Understand that I am in NO way suggesting that you lower your expectations, nor your standards. I'm smply suggesting that you lower the volume of expectation. What that means, is to have a clear goal in mind, but don ' t attach achieving that goal on any one thing.
"But what if getting that one dollar raise was my goal?"
That ' s fine, go for that $1 raise. Just don ' t limit that rase to only being attainable though the currentjob you have. What is stopping you from makng the equivalent of a $1 raise by makng money an additional way? Sell things through an online auction, or work a couple of days at another job.
Use your imagination, really think, and you ' ll find ways to get that $1 raise, or whatever else you have as a goal.
So I hope by now in this chapter, you ' ve begun to realize that not only is "rejection" not something to let dominate your thoughts, it can many times be something that has to happen, in order for you to gain a result somewhere else that ultimately serves you better. But that is often easer to understand, and not as easy to face when the "rejection" actually happens. So, let ' s play a game.
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