Secret To Womanese
What is this alien realm called Womaniverse where all these strange creatures known as WOAH-MEN emerge from? They scatter about the Earth and cast Mankind in a Pleasure-Pain Paradox. Alas, the WHOA-MEN kept complaining and drove our ancestors so mad that they created civilization to please them. Seeing their failure (for women are forever complaining), it is no wonder that we die first.
But to top it off, these WOAH-MEN speak in a totally alien language!
"Oh MY GAAWWWWD! I just ate a HUUUUGE cheese burriiitOOOO! And the GUILT is just KILLING me!"
"I KNOW! I just lost control and ate not just that big chocolate cake in the fridge, but my chocolate chip ice cream too!" "NO WAY!"
"YES WAY! Oh, did you hear about Susan? She is SO depressed that the guy she went out with won't call her back."
"Yes. But I told her, 'hey girl, if a guy isn't wanting to talk to a brainy chick like you, then he's stupid and shouldn't be thought about!' It made her feel better."
"Heather told me that she saw Susan's guy with ANOTHER GIRL!"
(both squeal in supreme shock)
"Oh, she is going to feel AWFUL when she finds out!"
"You know that guy you met yesterday?"
"The guy with the really cute butt and smile?"
"Well I heard Heather tell me... "
And on and on it goes! The above is not a 'network', it is pure chaos. In fact... Sosuave: I am sorry, Pook. I must interrupt this post. What! But I just got started...
Sosuave:Several women are protesting your text. They wish to be heard.
Very well! Let them in.
The three women enter.
Now ladies, what is the matter?
"Monsieur Pook, you have our sex much offended."
Ladies, you have my sex much offended.
And the three said together, "Listen to our advice:
"The sexiest thing a man can do is listen."
"Remember, Pook, women are better communicators."
"Listen to what she is saying. Good communication is the key to a good relationship."
Such are the common answers! Men listen to what you say and nod and nod and nod and nod until they drop dead from boredom. Men do not listen to women because they often don't make any sense. Womanese is not communication; it is madness.
Look over there! A group of women gather and enter in a conversation of womanese. It looks like they are talking! Pook gets closer to overhear them. Hear that? It is like a conversation going super speed with high pitched octaves punctured with squeals. What alien language is this?
But, luckily, I have Pook Vision Goggles. It allows one to see how Womaniverse interacts in this realm.
BEFORE: The women seem to be having a conversation in an allegro style.
WITH POOK VISION: The women are not talking, but are feeling each other, rubbing against each other...
The Secret to Womanese is that it is a passage of feelings (where with REAL language it is a passage of thought). Women do not listen to each other, they FEEL one another. They cheer one another up. See those phone lines that are on fire due to women getting home from dates and calling each other? Female gossip is female therapy. As soon as they walk out of class, they must call someone on their cell phone immediately.
We know men 'think' and women 'feel', but not in such a bizarre context. Everything a woman says will be 'feeling'. Women are always touching each other (just not in our universe). Feeling, feeling, feeling... that is the sum of womanese.
In this universe, we view Womanese as an almost type of Matrix code. But in Womaniverse, what is transmitted is not thought but feelings. You will not find women grouped together chatting about intellectual ruminations of Kant and Aristotle. No, they will either be talking about sex, food, or shopping, and often in that order.
If she says,
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