Ask the Love Coach

If s not unusual to experience the jitters before for during] a first date. The biggest reason people feel anxiety on a date is that they are afraid they wilf fail to be desirable to the other person, and may ultimately he rejected. Try to concentrate On not becoming attached to any particular outcome, and look at the date as an opportunity to just connect with another person. Practice this technique, and a lot of pressure will be relieved. You'Jf be much more able to just relax and enjoy yourself, which wif! go a long way toward making you more seductive.

The Beginning: Getting Off to a Great Start

Before you even arrive at your date's door (or he or she arrives at yours), do a little mental preparation. Remember that you aren't looking at this date as your make-it-or-break-it chance for a long-term relationship, so you're ready to enjoy whatever experiences the two of you share. To keep this perspective real, just remind yourself that you are here primarily to get to know someone new.

The key point to remember is that you want to concentrate on connecting with this person. Remember the connecting principles we talked about in previous chapters? I've recommended practicing these principles with everybody you meet. Well, here's a secret: Practicing them with your date can make your seductiveness quotient go through the roof.

Focus on Your Date Instead of Yourself

To truly connect with another person, you have to focus on that person. Focusing on your date rather than yourself has several seductive benefits:

• It makes you more appealing. Your date will be flattered by your attention, and will feel he or she is really special to you.

• It makes you more observant. By focusing on your date, you will be able to pick up clues about this person that will point the way towards successfully seducing him or her.

• It takes your mind off yourself. Being more concerned with the other person than with the impression you're making has a way of taking the edge off those dating jitters.

Heart Brakes

One of the biggest öJ-lure-liiJIcrs- is the fear that you're not "measuring up" to your date's dejines and expectations. By getting so wrapped up in concerns about the impression you're making, you end up coming across as fearful and insecure. Remember that confidence it very seductive, whereas a lack of confidence is a real turn-off ________„_

Heart Brakes

One of the biggest öJ-lure-liiJIcrs- is the fear that you're not "measuring up" to your date's dejines and expectations. By getting so wrapped up in concerns about the impression you're making, you end up coming across as fearful and insecure. Remember that confidence it very seductive, whereas a lack of confidence is a real turn-off ________„_

So, as you make your "final approach" to actually meeting your date, remind yourself to observe him or her more closely than you are observing yourself. As you greet your date, hold on to the knowledge that you are already succeeding, or you wouldn't be going out in the first place. And, as you look into your date's eyes, notice how pretty they are, instead of fretting about what those eyes might be seeing. You'll be starting out on the right foot for a wonderful evening.

Show Up on Time

Sometimes we let our excitement about a date blur our judgment, and we show up early. Other times, we may allow some distraction to make us lose track of time and we show up late. Neither of these is very seductive.

By showing up on time—not too late and not too early—or being ready when your date arrives, you are saying that you respect this person enough not to waste his or her time. You can start the date off right by making such a simple, clear statement.

Don't Try Too Hard to Impress

Heart Brakes

Just as arriving Jate is a sign of disrespect, so ii arriving too earfy. it is likely that, by showing up early, you wili catch your date before he or she Fs ready to see you—not a great way to start off a first date. --------------------------'

Once the date has gotten underway, don't quit focusing on your partner. Beyond simply maintaining the (hopefully favorable) first impression you've made, your date—and you—now have an opportunity to discover the wonderful qualities you each possess, just beneath the surface. But the only way either of you can hope to make these discoveries is to siinp^y relax and be yourselves.

Just as arriving Jate is a sign of disrespect, so ii arriving too earfy. it is likely that, by showing up early, you wili catch your date before he or she Fs ready to see you—not a great way to start off a first date. --------------------------'

In the first hour or so of a first date, both people tend to feel pressure to get their message across as quickly as possible. There often seems to be the feeling that unless you impress your date as much as possible right off the bat, the encounter will fail. That feeling has probably ruined more dates than any other single factor. Your date will be far more pleased by the knowledge that you are having a good time than by a recounting of all that is wonderful about you. And remember what we've said about people who talk about themselves too much? That's not at all seductive. Altogether too many potentially great relationships have been stopped dead in their tracks by people who were so anxious to impress that they came across as being incredibly self-centered and insecure.

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