Ask the Love Coach
A client of mine named Wick was attractive, witty, and charming, yet rarefy went out on a date, evien though he was a regular attendee of hit church's large, active singles group. When he came to me for counseling, Nick insisted he was attentive to women, never made sexist remark, and was always respectful, but that women routinely turned him down for dates. Those who did go out with him inevitably declined his subsequent invitations,
''There must he jomething wrong with women tod&y," Nick declared, ,lif iomeone who has as much love to give as I do can't seem to get one to have a relationship with me."
Nick's problem was that he saw himself as a great repository of love, seeking someone On whom he could lavfjh it all. What came acntws to others was neediness: n black hole of human need who was seeking someone, Anyone, to fill him up. He didn't make the women he met feel unique Or special, no matter how hard he tried, because he was really thinking about onfy himself.
I coached Nick on his self-imag^, I helped him see that he didn't need a relationship to be a complete human being, but that he wouldn't find a good relationship until lie felt complete. Rather than hunt for the right relationship, I advised him to step back from the process long enough to focus on and appreciate what he had to offer another person.
After I worked with Nick for several months, he began making the first tentative steps back into dating. He's currently seeing three women, all of whom have happily gone out For repeat dates with him. "Who knows," he says, grinning. "Someday J might even haw to cancel my lifetime membership in that church singles' group."
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