Ask the Love Coach

The conversation at the party had turned to "stupid pet biekl,' Marian had just shared an amusing story about her eat that played "fetch" like a dog. But she hadn't even finished her iait sentence before Jason jumped in with an *oh-that's-nothing" tale of his own about his cat, that not only played fetch, but was toilet-trained, came running Jike a dog when you called its name, and, to hear Jason tefl it; could practice ffy read at a fifth-grade level. In fact, Jason didn't really hear mast of Marian's story. He was too busy planning what he wai going to say, and waiting impatiently for a millisecond of silence so he could jump right in with his anecdote (sort of like a cat waiting to pounce on a mouse}. Before this, Marian had been somewhat attracted to Jason, but her attraction PeveJ took a rapid nosedive after this incident.

Look at fiour own conversational habits. Do you realJy listen when someone else is Speaking, or are you bujy waiting for your chance to rvs-h in and take over? Seductive conversationalists are more into nested in listening to others than in thinking up way* to outshine them.

Learning How to "Resonate" with Someone

Okay, I know; this business of "resonating" with another person sounds like more of that New Age hooey we hear all the time nowadays. Behind the trendy-sounding rhetoric, however, there's a sound and powerful principle.

Originally, resonance was a scientific term. In human terms, it simply means this: When you describe a feeling, experience, or idea, the person to whom you are describing it fully comprehends, and, to a degree, shares that feeling, experience, or idea.

A truly seductive person is one with whom the person speaking actually feels that resonance, which leads to the sense that the person is "with them" in the experience. Such a person validates his or her partner's ideas or feelings, and thus helps validate the person's worth. This is done not with feigned agreement, but rather via honest empathy and compassion.

The operative word in this concept is "honest." Since the perception of resonance takes place on a near-subliminal level, it cannot be faked. If you try to fake it, the other person will probably detect the insincerity—and that will effectively overshadow any other wonderful qualities you may have.

If you really think about it, you will realize that there's no need to fake it, anyway. All you have to do is really listen to the person and imagine yourself experiencing a circumstance similar to that which he or she is describing to you. There's no trickery involved, no deceit. All that is required is your willingness to be present with another person.

Continue reading here: Laughter Is the Best Medicine and the Best Aphrodisiac to Boot

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