Ask the Love Coach

That's Ms. Dominatrix to You, Buddy.

Men or women: Where the fantasy of bondage is concerned, a word of caution ii needed. Don't allow yourself to be completely restrained. You want to make certain that, while you are giving your partner the illusion of control, you remain in a position of safety—where you can set and keep your limits, and, most importantly, you can get out of the restraints yourself if necessary. --------------------------

Heart Brake«

Men or women: Where the fantasy of bondage is concerned, a word of caution ii needed. Don't allow yourself to be completely restrained. You want to make certain that, while you are giving your partner the illusion of control, you remain in a position of safety—where you can set and keep your limits, and, most importantly, you can get out of the restraints yourself if necessary. --------------------------

Other women are excited by the idea of being in complete control of their man, to the point of domination. Having been historically cast in a submissive role, some women relish the sense of power they have over a man who is forced to succumb to their desires. Even though it might seem strange or uncomfortable to some men to be so completely controlled by a woman, remember that, by allowing her the opportunity to act on this fantasy with you, you are telling her that you not only trust her completely, but that you are willing to accept the parts of her personality that don't fit within stereotypical roles. By allowing her to tie you up, tease, and tantalize you, you are encouraging her to share her deepest sexual secrets. Trust me, you will be the joyous beneficiary of her exploration.

Naturally, you must have complete trust in your woman's intent in order to feel comfortable with, much less enjoy, acting out such a fantasy. And, just as when the roles are reversed, she must respect your limits.

Ask the Love Coach

If the two of you engage in dominance role-playing, you should establish a clear signal beforehand that says ^top." Choose a single word or signal that you both agree will bring the play to a haTt; and then honor that signal. In the heat of passion, you can say or do things that might not be in*fcfe one or both of your comfort zones, and you both need to krtO-w thatyOu have a panic button you can push if things start to go too far.

Having Other Male Partners

It is not unusual for a woman to fantasize about being with a man—or men—other than her current one. Not unlike many men, some women crave a sense of variety and adventure, which may show up as a desire to be with another man (or even anothM 6

woman; more on that in a moment). The fantasy partner might be one person or a room full of faceless strangers.

For HER Eyes Only

For HER Eyes Only

Be sure to make your man the center of the fantasies you share with him, no matter what (or who] Originally set your fantasy off, if you were turned on earlier that afternoon by the handsome Greek carpet cleaner or the muscular fireman you saw at your biannual office fire drill, make up a fantasy with your lover 5-i the carpet cleaner or fireman who ravishes you in some forbidden place. Get him involved in the fantasy by telling him about it; you can whisper an entire erotic scenario in his ear as he's making love to you. Juit remember to make him the star of the fantasy; you want to excite him, not cause him to think you'd jtally rather be with that carpet cleaner or fireman instead of with him,.

I want you men to realize that this is a fairly common fantasy, and it certainly doesn't mean that your woman is dissatisfied with you as a lover. More than likely, it's simply an expression of her desire for many men to appreciate her beauty. If you can allow her to talk about the fantasy, especially when the two of you are in the heat of passion, you may well find the heat is turned up considerably. Afterwards, you can reassure each other that it was, after all, just a fantasy, and smile comfortably at the extra zing it brought to your lovemaking.

Bisexuality

Throughout history, women have looked to each other for emotional support. Sometimes, we are able to share our most intimate thoughts with each other in a way that we can't with the men in our lives. I hope you men realize that this isn't a put-down, but rather a reflection of the way society has been for hundreds of years, and how we perceived things while we were growing up ("Don't disturb Dad when he comes home from work."). Add to this the fact that women have always been held up in our culture as the standard for human beauty and encouraged at every step of the way to perceive the female form as being beautiful. It's no wonder that a significant number of women wonder about—and even experiment with—each other sexually.

For HIS Eyei Onfy

For HIS Eyei Onfy

Don't allow your own fantasies of two women together make you push her farther than she wants to go with her bisexual fantasies. Find a common ground with your woman, and you'H

This doesn't mean that women who fantasize about being with another woman are really lesbians. It is simply an outgrowth of how we were raised and the society in which we live. At any rate, most men don't have problems with this fantasy, because it's one that so many of them share. All you have to do is let her know that this fantasy, like any other, is not only okay, it's perfectly normal and healthy.

Don't allow your own fantasies of two women together make you push her farther than she wants to go with her bisexual fantasies. Find a common ground with your woman, and you'H

Ask the Love Coach

Props, toys and sex aids can add lots of fun to your love play. Going shopping together in one of those adult toy stores can be a seduction in itself Check out the array of vibrators and other sex toy*, flavored creams and body oils, erotic books and videos, and sexy leather Or lace get-ups. Just beware of becoming too dependent on any of these items for arousal or oi^asm. Like fantasies, and games, they should be used to bring you closer together, not distract you from each other.

Ask the Love Coach

Props, toys and sex aids can add lots of fun to your love play. Going shopping together in one of those adult toy stores can be a seduction in itself Check out the array of vibrators and other sex toy*, flavored creams and body oils, erotic books and videos, and sexy leather Or lace get-ups. Just beware of becoming too dependent on any of these items for arousal or oi^asm. Like fantasies, and games, they should be used to bring you closer together, not distract you from each other.

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