Ask the Love Coach

While most of us condemn the idea of using another person as an aoctisOry to define ourselves, the truth r'i that we £fl do it to some extent. We may not do it consciously or with manipulative intentions, but we all find ourselves attracted to people who make us appear closer to our ideal image, just by being around them. The most blatant examples are the striking blonde that many men want to have on their arms, or the "bad boy" that so many women seem to pursue. There's nothing wrong with feeling a little proud of your partner, as long as you're not using the person solely to bolster your self-image.

• Do you feel attraction on other levels besides the physical? Are you intellectually attracted to this person? Do you truly like him or her? Do you also feel emotionally secure when you're around this individual? For example, do you get the feeling that any confidentiality will be respected, and that it's safe to display your vulnerability to this person? Do you feel protective toward this individual and want to touch him or her in a tender and caring way as well as a passionate one? Does he or she feel the same way toward you? These questions are very important, because even if you're not looking for your life mate at this point, you don't want to seduce someone you don't like and respect, or for whom you feel no tenderness.

• Is this a person whose company you could enjoy without having sex? In fact, would you have this person as a friend if you knew you would never have a sexual relationship? Of course, if you're in one of those Harry-met-Sally situations and have been friends for a long time before becoming lovers, you already know the answer to this question. But even if this person has been a romantic prospect from the time you first met, you want your relationship to have a solid basis of friendship as well as passion.

• Does this person appear to be free of critical flaws? Sometimes it seems there's a fine line between a charming quirk and a genuine flaw. The difference is that while a quirk may become a mere annoyance once familiarity sets in, a critical flaw can be a serious threat to your happiness (or even to your life). That's why it's important to avoid becoming sexually involved with someone who has a critical flaw. Some of the more obvious critical flaws are addiction to alcohol or other drugs; rage or violent tendencies; or criminal behavior. Other flaws, perhaps less dramatic but equally seriqus, include immaturity, irresponsibility, or unavailability—either emotionally or legally (the person is married). Do yourself a favor and stay away from anybody who has critical flaws, or who in any way doesn't seem right for you. Remember, you can't change this person—you can't cure the addict's addiction, you can't persuade the drug dealer to turn away from a life of crime, and you can't make your married lover leave his or her spouse if your lover doesn't want to. A relationship with a person who has a critical flaw is a dead end.

Heart Brakes

Trust ii a very important part of seduction. If you don't feel you have a solid basis of friendship with the object of your desire, you'll really miss out on some of the best seduction there is.

Ask the Love Coach

When Tricia found out her boyfriend Kyle was married, she was devastated. Sure, there had been signs along the way that he was hiding something, but she had brushed them aside because he was so attractive. By the time she knew the truth, she had fallen in iove wiith him, .Nevertheless, Tricia knew that breaking up with him was the night thing to do. The problem was that she was always Stymied in her efforts by Kyle's emotional or sexual manipulation. For nearly a year she was sustained by his earnest and tearful promises that he would leave his wife as soon as he possibly could.

Finally, With coaching, Tricia found the strength to leave Kyle for good. The last she heard, he was involved in yet another passionate affair, and still hadn't left his wife, 111 squandered a year of my life on this man," Tricia said, "But I guess I got off easy, because some women I know go On for years with their married lovers, living on false hopes, and wasting their lives away."

Don't get sexually involved with a person who is unavailable for any reason, or who has any other critical flaws,

Continue reading here: Enjoy the Moment But Dont Forget to Look Ahead

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