Ask the Love Coach

Always remember that a date is not so much a test of your desirability as it is an opportunity for both of you to decide whether or not you enjoy each other's company. Ask yourself the really important question: Are you enjoying your time together? Or are you juit wondering how you're doing? If the answer to the first question is yes, the date-and the relationship—wilf have a much better chance of being a happy one.

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I'm not suggesting that you be coy or reticent. I'm only suggesting that you remember to place your focus on your partner, and maintain a degree of mystery about yourself. A little mystery can be extraordinarily seductive.

Flattery Will Get You Anywhere—or Nowhere at All

All of the great lovers throughout history have known the seductive power of sincere compliments. A few honest compliments can get your date off to a wonderful start. Everybody likes to know they are appreciated and attractive, and complimenting your date is a direct way of letting that person feel appreciated. If she's wearing a really pretty outfit, tell her that you think it looks good on her. If he just got a new haircut, tell him how sharp it looks. Just remember:

• Give honest compliments. Zero in on the qualities of your date that you really like, and let him or her know you are impressed. If your date has a quick wit, for example, say so. If your date is a snappy dresser, compliment his or her taste. Be generous with your compliments, but keep them realistic. The corollary to this is

• Don't make up a compliment just to flatter your date. Your deception will be embarrassingly obvious, and you will appear phony in your date's eyes. Besides, if you have to invent something to flatter your date, why are you even going out with that person in the first place? Find something you really like about your date, and comment on it.

To Be Interesting, Be Interested

I think we've just stumbled across another Love Coach mantra. Being truly interested in your date is just about the most seductive thing you can do. You know how good it makes you feel when somebody is truly interested in what you have to say or what you are about. Your date is no different in this respect. If your date is talking about something and it becomes apparent that he or she has strong feelings on this topic, listen attentively and offer your own reflections. You don't need to agree with everything he or she says, but it is very important that you honor your date's opinions and feelings by accepting the importance he or she ascribes to those ideas.

While many people are good about showing initial interest in the person they're trying to seduce, too many seem to forget to continue to show interest once they're out on a date. They start things off by talking too much about themselves or simply neglecting to ask the other person questions. That's not seductive.

If you remember to concentrate on whatever you find interesting about your date, rather than what you think your date will find interesting about you, that is seductive. So relax, focus outward instead of inward, and you and your date will both have a terrific time. The evening will fly by.

Continue reading here: During the Date Keeping It Fun and Seductive

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