Can We Talk About Commitment

What if it looks as if your love is going to be much more than just another "affair to remembef'? What if you want it to be "an affair to continue"? What if you're thinking about that "C" word: commitment? Well, first of all, I don't believe you can, or should, make a commitment to somebody until you have been with that person long enough to determine whether you are truly compatible. As I said at the beginning of this chapter, it is beyond the scope of this book to go into the details of compatibility. In Cracking The Love Code, I have several lengthy questionnaires that can help you determine whether or not you and your partner are compatible. But I do want to touch on the subject of commitment here, because it is important, and because questions about commitment are almost certain to come up between you and your partner if you stay together past the infatuation stage.

Commitment means different things to different people. Or rather, different people express their commitment in different ways. For most people in our society, marriage is the ultimate expression of commitment. Unfortunately, it is possible to be married and not committed. The act of getting married is, after all, an outward expression of intent. If, however, it is not backed up by true commitment—an internal pledge both partners must make in their hearts—it will be nothing more than an act.

Heart Brakes

Never try to coerce someone into making a commitment and don't allow yourself to be coerced. Whether its Outward expression is marriage or livirtg together, commitment ii first and foremost an internal pledge each person must make in his or her heart. You may be able to manipulate someone into marrying you, but you cannot force that interna] plecfge-and if the pledge isn't there, the two of you will rot be happy together,

Heart Brakes

Never try to coerce someone into making a commitment and don't allow yourself to be coerced. Whether its Outward expression is marriage or livirtg together, commitment ii first and foremost an internal pledge each person must make in his or her heart. You may be able to manipulate someone into marrying you, but you cannot force that interna] plecfge-and if the pledge isn't there, the two of you will rot be happy together,

You cannot force anybody to commit to you. My files are full of stories of people who tried to coerce a commitment, and not one of these tales has a happy ending. Granted, some of the couples in question did get married, but these were not happily-ever-after marriages.

So, no matter how passionately in love (and in lust) you are, there are two principles to remember when you're trying to make up your mind about commitment:

1. Take your time. I recommend not making a decision until you've been together at least a year.

2. Use your head. Passion and seduction play major roles in getting the relationship underway, and in keeping it intriguing over the long haul. But they should not be the major factors in making the all-important decision to commit to somebody.

Continue reading here: Seduction Can Be Forever Make It So

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