During the Date Keeping It Fun and Seductive

Well, you've been together for a couple of hours now, and you've both been enjoying the newness of each other. Almost without knowing it, you find yourself shifting into a more intimate atmosphere. And no, I don't mean the clothes are starting to come off—at least, I hope not. (More on that in a while.) What is happening is that you both find yourselves sharing little "secrets" about yourselves, little clues that give one another a better indication of what you're each really all about.

It is at this point that you need to be careful. Though you want the other person to know more about you, and you, in turn, want to know more about your date, you also want to keep it light. There are two reasons for this: First, so you can both concentrate on enjoying yourselves, and second, so you can maintain that all-important air of mystery. Here are some do's and don'ts:

1. Do share stories about some of your favorite experiences, but make sure the stories add to your mystique rather than detract from it. Seductive people share stories about themselves, but they know there's an art to it. For the reasons given above, you want to keep your story on the light side. And although you don't want to appear boastful, you do want to tell stories that cast you in a favorable light. Perhaps you can strike a middle ground with a humorous tale of a time when you were less than perfect, and the funny things that happened as a result of your own mistakes. You will be communicating that you are secure enough to admit to being human and that you don't have issues with everything that didn't go your way.

2. Don't unload your entire emotional or romantic history, especially the traumatic parts. Seductive people know that nothing is less alluring on a first date than hearing a blow-by-blow recounting of someone's love life, especially the parts that are unpleasant. Don't dwell on the past; focus on having a good time right now, with the person who's sitting across the table from you.

Ask the Love Coach

There's a kit of seductive wisdom in the old colloquialism, "Dance with the one who brought ya'." Focus on the perron you are with right now, because you aren't out with an ofd ex; you're out with someone new. Leave the exes—and your iHues with them-a t home. Or better yet, toss them out entirely. The only "baggage" you should bring with you is the wisdom you've gleaned from your past relationships. Other than that; the only way to focus on the new ij to get rid of the old. That way, you'll trvly be able to gyve your new fnend a chance.

Ask the Love Coach

There's a kit of seductive wisdom in the old colloquialism, "Dance with the one who brought ya'." Focus on the perron you are with right now, because you aren't out with an ofd ex; you're out with someone new. Leave the exes—and your iHues with them-a t home. Or better yet, toss them out entirely. The only "baggage" you should bring with you is the wisdom you've gleaned from your past relationships. Other than that; the only way to focus on the new ij to get rid of the old. That way, you'll trvly be able to gyve your new fnend a chance.

Always keep in mind that the objective is to make the date fun, while keeping the flames of interest burning. It's really not all that difficult. All that's required is the use of some common sense and honesty.

Are We Having Fun Yet?

Nothing tuns a date sour as effectively as a person who gets upset over minor annoyances. If a waiter spills water on your good suit, make a joke of iL Ask him if he knows a good dry cleaner and leave a good ti'pj anyway! Remember two key points; T) Don't Sweat the smaH stuff Z) It's all pretty much small stuff.

Heart Brakes

Nothing tuns a date sour as effectively as a person who gets upset over minor annoyances. If a waiter spills water on your good suit, make a joke of iL Ask him if he knows a good dry cleaner and leave a good ti'pj anyway! Remember two key points; T) Don't Sweat the smaH stuff Z) It's all pretty much small stuff.

Seductive people know there's an old saying pertaining to the issue of fun: You're not bored; you're boring. If you are really enjoying yourself on a date, your date is going to feel at least partly responsible, and he or she will feel good about that. Now think about it: Who would you rather be with—a person who seems indifferent to the experience of being out with you, or one who seems to be genuinely enjoying the time you spend with each other? Would you prefer to hang with a person who seems all wrapped up in his or her issues, or someone who can overlook minor inconveniences and have a good time? You know who you'd rather be with. Trust me, your date feels the same way.

If you pay attention, you will inevitably get clues from your date about his or her definition of fun. You may discover you both love the adrenaline rush you get from amusement-park rides, or you both get all warm and fuzzy when you see one of the delightfully sophisticated new children's movies.

There's Fun, and Then There's Fun

Having fun is, of course, the main point of the first date. If you're observant, however, you can also use these moments of innocent first-date fun to gather clues that will help you plan your delicious seduction of this person. No, you're not going to have sex on the first date, but it's never too early to begin discovering ways to push your date's "hot" buttons.

For example, do you remember the principles of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP), discussed in an earlier chapter? Throughout the afternoon or evening, observe your date and see if you can tell if he or she is visual, auditory, or kinesthetic. Not only can you use these observations when it comes time to actually set the scene for seduction, you can put them to immediate use on the very first date.

If he was blown away by the jazzy soundtrack in the movie you just saw together, take note; you're with a man who is moved by music. Certainly you can envision a seduction scene with similar music playing softly in the background. For now, however, ask him to describe how the jazzy music made him feel, and what it reminded him of. Really listen as he talks, and experience it with him.

If she exclaims in delight at the feel of the soft breeze on her skin as you're sitting in the park, pay attention; you probably have a sensualist on your hands. Think of warm baths and loving massages—someday. Right now, touch her gently from time to time as you're talking; brush her hair away from her face, or run your finger over her arm, as lightly and sweetly as a breeze.

Ask the Love Coach

What if you end your date are attracted to each other, but discover you ha^e virtually no conn mon ground where interests or pauions are concerned? Is the date a failure, the seduction doomed? Not necessarily. If you can't seem to find any areas in which you share any enthusiasm, consider doing something neither of you has ever tried before. Perhaps neither of you has ever been to an opera, or a big-band concert, or a tractor pull. JutL by doing something new together, you will establish a degree of kinship, based on the sharing of a new adventure. The unknown, while a trifle scary, ij alio very exciting and can be absolutely seductive. This it a chance to stretch your respective comfort lones and havie a wonderful^-yes, even seductwe^time in the process.

Ask the Love Coach

What if you end your date are attracted to each other, but discover you ha^e virtually no conn mon ground where interests or pauions are concerned? Is the date a failure, the seduction doomed? Not necessarily. If you can't seem to find any areas in which you share any enthusiasm, consider doing something neither of you has ever tried before. Perhaps neither of you has ever been to an opera, or a big-band concert, or a tractor pull. JutL by doing something new together, you will establish a degree of kinship, based on the sharing of a new adventure. The unknown, while a trifle scary, ij alio very exciting and can be absolutely seductive. This it a chance to stretch your respective comfort lones and havie a wonderful^-yes, even seductwe^time in the process.

Encourage and participate in your date's expressions of delight, so that from the very beginning, he or she associates you with enchanting experiences. This is a subtle but powerful way to lay the groundwork for a delicious seduction.

Again, it's all about focusing more on your date than on yourself. Not only does this make you more alluring in your date's eyes, it will ultimately make you a better seductress or seducer.

Continue reading here: The End Going Gentle Into That Good Night

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