Fiction

Delta of Venus by Anai's Nin, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1977.

Emmanuelle by Emmanuelle Arsan, Dell, 1971.

Little Birds by Anais Nin, Harcourt Brace Jovanovich, 1979.

A Man With a Maid by Anonymous, Ballantine, 1974.

Memoirs of a Geisha by Arthur Golden, Alfred A. Knopf, 1997.

The Olympia Reader, edited by Maurice Girodias, Grove Press, 1965.

Pleasures: Women Write Erotica edited by Lonnie Barbach, Ph.D., Perennial, 1985.

Instructional Videos.

The Venus Butterfly for Men by Dr. Bob Schwartz, Breakthru Publishing, 1998. The Venus Butterfly for Women by Dr. Bob Schwartz, Breakthru Publishing, 1998.

APPENDIX B

THE LANGUAGE OF SEDUCTION: A WORDPLAY GLOSSARY

AIDS Acronym for acquired immune deficiency syndrome, a fatal disorder that cripples the body's disease-fighting mechanisms. AIDS is caused by a virus called HIV. So far there is no cure for AIDS, so prevention is the best policy. Check with your health care professional, or local public health organizations, for more information.

Attraction Being drawn to someone. A manifestation of attraction is the need to please and impress the object of your attention. This does not necessarily imply sexual attraction.

Auditory One of the three principal ways in which people process information, according to neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) theory. If your partner is an auditory person, he or she is especially likely to be captivated by the sound of your voice and by what you say.

Aura The dictionary defines an aura as (1) the atmosphere surrounding and radiating from a person or thing, and (2) a luminous radiation. While many people associate the concept of the aura with New Age beliefs, the idea is actually quite old. It's possible the halos surrounding holy figures in many of the Old Masters' paintings were actually supposed to represent auras.

Buyer's remorse Feelings of remorse that sometimes occur after making love with a new partner. These are very similar to the feelings people have after making a major purchase, such as a car or a house. After the exhilaration brought on by the rush of endorphins to your brain, comes the inevitable letdown accompanied by feelings of doubt. These feelings lead to questions about whether you did the right thing. It's helpful to realize such feelings and thoughts are natural, and more than likely they will pass.

Charisma Originally a theological term meaning "free gift of God's grace." It is derived from the Greek kharisma, meaning "to show favor or grace." Though the word still has religious meanings, it is most commonly used these days to describe a person's power to inspire devotion and enthusiasm.

Chat room An online communication forum that allows you to have real-time "conversations" with many people at once, or just one person. There are chat groups for every conceivable interest. If someone in the chat room captures your interest, the two of you can transfer to a private chat room and continue your exchange one-on-one. Online chat is as safe as you want it to be; since you use a nickname to identify yourself for the duration of your chat, you don't have to reveal your real name or even your e-mail address.

Companionate love A mature form of love, characterized by true bonding and emotional intimacy rather than intense passion or infatuation.

Courtesan A courtesan was, for all practical purposes, a prostitute, but one who was highly trained and educated, and catered only to the most wealthy and powerful men. In many cases she wielded considerable power herself.

Cunnilingus (pronounced cun-nuh-LING-us) The technical term for oral stimulation of a woman's vulva and clitoris.

Delicious seduction Seduction that has a beneficial outcome for both people.

Endorphins Substances produced in the brain that block or reduce sensations of pain, and can also cause a sense of euphoria. Endorphins are produced not only in response to pain but to excitement, and are partially responsible for the feeling of ecstasy that accompanies falling in love (or in lust).

Fellatio (pronounced fuh-LAY-shee-o) The technical term for oral stimulation of a man's penis.

Flirting The dictionary defines flirting as "acting amorously without serious intention." Flirting can, however, be destructive, or it can merely be a harmless way of testing your attractiveness to another individual. It can also be a prelude to a sweet seduction.

Foreplay For most people, the word foreplay means certain acts that lead to sexual intercourse. Foreplay generally implies a greater level of intimacy than just kissing or holding hands, such as fondling each other's genitals or having oral sex. However, passionate kissing or even flirting can be considered foreplay. There's really no set script to follow, and even if your foreplay doesn't end in intercourse—or if it occurs some time after intercourse—what's important is that it is a mutually pleasurable experience.

Frigidity An obsolete term for female sexual dysfunction, such as difficulty reaching orgasm, inability to have an orgasm, or a general disinterest in sex. Any number of physiological or psychological factors may be responsible, but with qualified professional help and/or an understanding partner, a woman can conquer this problem.

Geisha A Geisha is a professional female entertainer trained in singing, dancing, playing a musical instrument, and the art of conversation. In fact, the word Geisha means, "art person." This profession began in Japan in the 18th century and still exists today.

Golden Rule "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you" is a good rule to follow in all areas of your life, including dating and seduction. Treat your partner with the same consideration and respect with which you want to be treated.

HIV The human immunodeficiency virus, the retrovirus that causes AIDS. There are several ways HIV can be spread: through transfusions with contaminated blood (currently less of a likelihood in the U.S., as the nation's blood supply has been screened for HIV since 1985); use of contaminated needles (as with intravenous drug users); or through unprotected sexual contact. Though years may elapse between infection with HIV and the onset of AIDS, AIDS is incurable and fatal, so prevention is the best policy. Check with your health care professional or local public health organizations for more information.

HIV test result—negative A negative HIV test result simply means that no HIV antibodies were found in your blood, which usually means you are not infected. Even so, this does not mean you are immune to HIV; nobody is. You still need to practice safe sex.

HIV test result—positive A positive HIV test result does not necessarily mean you have AIDS, but it does mean that it's likely that you will develop AIDS.

Image consultant A professional who advises clients on hair color, hairstyle, make-up, and clothing and accessories, and may advise on posture and general appearance and demeanor. Some offer both personal and corporate image consulting services. Make-up consultants advise clients on type, color, and application of make-up. Color consultants advise clients on choice of colors for clothing that will complement their appearance. Many consultants offer a combination of the above services. Look in the Yellow Pages under "Image Consultants."

Impotence A misleading term for erectile dysfunction, or a man's inability to have an erection. This can be an isolated incident or a chronic occurrence. There are numerous physiological or psychological causes; the good news is that plenty of treatments are available today, including the much-touted virility pill, Viagra.

Kinesthetic One of the three principal ways in which people process information, according to neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) theory. A kinesthetic, or tactile, person is especially likely to be warmed or turned on by touching.

Malicious seduction Seduction that has harmful or negative results to the person being seduced and possibly to the seducer as well.

Meridians Pathways in the body along which life energy (which the Chinese call "qi" or "chi") flows. Used in zone therapies such as acupuncture, acupressure, and reflexology.

Millennium This word has several definitions in the dictionary. The first is simply "a period of one thousand years." The term also refers to the thousand-year reign of Christ on Earth, as prophesied in the Bible. The third meaning (and more to our point here) is a period of general happiness and good living. No matter what your frame of reference, there's something about this approaching new millennium that is genuinely exciting, much more so than just any old New Year.

Mixers Get-togethers that usually are geared for specific groups of people—singles, MENSA members, computer enthusiasts, and the like. Mixers can take place virtually anywhere—in hotel ballrooms, fellowship halls in places of worship, restaurants, bookstores, even grocery stores. These events provide a wonderful opportunity to meet other people in a fun and non-threatening environment. Particularly if you're newly single, keep a lookout for announcements about singles mixers that appeal to your particular interests.

Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) The study of how language, both verbal and nonverbal, affects our nervous system. The name is derived from "neuro," referring to the brain, and "linguistic," referring to language. According to NLP, there are three principal ways in which people process information. Everyone uses all three modes, but most people have one that is dominant. Some people are predominantly visual, some are auditory, and some are kinesthetic, or tactile (see individual definitions in this Appendix). Knowing which mode is dominant in your partner can help you plan a delicious seduction.

Nutritionist A dietary counselor; not to be confused with a registered dietician. In many states in the U.S., anyone can call him- or herself a nutritionist and can set up a dietary counseling practice. When seeking advice from a nutritionist, it's always a good idea to ask about his or her credentials, and ask for references as well.

Passion In the context of "passionate love," a state of intense longing for union with another. It is usually expressed by kissing, hugging, gazing intently at each other, frequent touching, and, of course, making love.

Real love Putting your partner's needs on the same level as your own needs, rather than above or below.

Resonance Originally, resonance was a scientific term describing the action of sympathetic frequencies. In human terms, it simply means that when you describe a feeling, experience, or idea, the person to whom you are describing it fully comprehends, and to a degree, shares, that feeling, experience, or idea.

Seduce From the Latin seducere, which is made up of the prefix se (without, apart) and ducere (to lead)—in other words, "to lead apart (or away)." In its earliest uses, "seduce" meant "to divert from allegiance or service," or "to induce [a woman] to surrender her chastity." The negative connotation lingers today, but the "new" seduction we've focused on in this book is a positive, exhilarating, and sensual experience for both parties.

Self-confidence Trust in your abilities and belief in your competence. Often confused with self-worth, self-confidence is fed by your accomplishments, such as learning a new procedure or solving a problem.

Self-talk The little voice in your head that, for better or worse, is constantly making judgments about you and the world around you. Much of the time you're probably not even consciously aware of it, but that doesn't mean it isn't affecting you. Constant negative self-talk eats away at your self-esteem. With conscious effort, however, you can redirect your negative thoughts into glowing affirmations of your wonderful qualities.

Self-worth Your perception of your value as a human being. It is often confused with self-confidence, but it is a more intrinsic factor than confidence.

Sexual peak The point in a person's life when he or she has the most intense sexual responses. Generally speaking, a man's sexual peak is from late adolescence through the mid to late twenties. It was formerly thought that women didn't reach their peak until their mid to late thirties, though experts now disagree on whether or not there even is such a thing as a woman's sexual peak. Nevertheless, many women report that it takes years of experience for them to really come into their own sexually. In any case, age is not the only determinant of a person's sexual response; many other factors, such as physical health, the state of a person's relationships, and cultural conditions also play a part.

Spirit The word spirit has several definitions in the dictionary, the first one being, "a person's mind or feelings, or animating principle, as distinct from his body." A more holistic way of looking at spirit is to think of it as encompassing the physical presence, rather than being distinct from it. Of course, "spirit" includes much more than the physical; it's the sum total of who you are.

Talking a fantasy When you or your partner tell each other about a fantasy you may have, without acting it out. This, in fact, can be every bit as exciting as acting it out.

Trust Confidence in each other's integrity. Trust is an essential element of a truly delicious seduction, and trustworthiness is a mark of the delicious seducer or seductress.

Viagra The so-called virility pill. Men of all ages who have experienced erectile difficulties have found this prescription drug makes a remarkable difference. In fact, some doctors are even recommending Viagra to help alleviate problems that may merely be a result of those "pre-game jitters." Viagra works not by producing sexual desire, but by amplifying signals at the nerve endings, thereby easing the pathways for normal sexual stimulation. Ask your doctor for more information.

Visual One of the three principal ways in which people process information, according to neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) theory. A visual person is likely to be especially attentive to your looks and to other visual cues.

Yoga A system of physical exercise, controlled breathing, and (depending on the type of yoga) meditation. Yoga is good for the body and wonderful for the soul, and doing yoga with someone you love can be very pleasurable and even erotic.

Zone therapies Generic term referring to techniques such as acupuncture, acupressure, and hand or foot reflexology, that treat pain, tension, or even some types of illness by applying direct pressure (by a needle or fingers, for example) on key parts of the body. Most of these techniques are based on the concept of meridians, which are pathways along which life energy is said to flow through the human body. (By the way, if you know a little bit about reflexology, you can give your partner an extremely seductive foot massage.)

APPENDIX C

STEAMY SEDUCTION TALES

Following are true tales of seduction that have created some glorious memories for the couples involved. I hope you enjoy reading these stories, and I hope they will give you some terrific ideas about how to set up your own unforgettable seduction scenes.

Continue reading here: Easy in the Big Easy

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