Goal Setting The Proactive Approach to Seduction

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In This Chapter

> Taking control of your life

V The lessons of history: classic seductreiiei and ieJocers

> Deciding to become seductive

> Determining the type of people you want to attract

This chapter is about goal setting—deciding exactly what you want and beginning the process of getting it. If you're an incurable romantic, you may be wondering why we're talking about goal setting at all in a book about seduction. Perhaps you think any mention of goals in this context sounds too much like business and not enough like pleasure. Maybe you believe goal setting will rob seduction of its mystery and magic.

Relax! That's not the intent here at all. Being a romantic myself, I'm a great fan of mystery and magic—but I am also a firm believer in taking a proactive approach in all areas of life. In truth, goal setting is every bit as valid in your personal life as in your business dealings. Think of it this way: Most of us have experienced romances that ended in disaster, or perhaps just in disappointment. And why did this happen? More than likely it was because we set out blindly, with no idea of what we truly wanted and needed. We didn't have any goals; we just let things happen.

Whose Life Is It, Anyway?

You might not have thought about it, but you have already begun the process of setting goals. After all, you've decided you want to attract people, haven't you? That, in and of itself, is a goal. What have you done to achieve this goal? Well, you bought this book; that's a good first step. You're already on your way to becoming seductive.

In making the decision to become seductive, what you have really decided to do is to re-create yourself, which is not nearly as daunting as it may sound at first. After all, I'm not talking about turning yourself into something you're not. That would not only be destructive, it would be impossible. Instead, I am talking about becoming aware of and refining your dreams about yourself, and, through a focused, proactive effort, bringing those dreams to life.

Nobody else can do it for you, and it is going to take some effort on your part. The result, however, will be well worth it. You can and will transform yourself into the most desirable person you can be, and the people around you will most certainly sit up and take notice. To paraphrase a line from a popular move of a few years back, "If you build it, they will come."

It's your life, and you can make it as glorious as you want it to be.

Can anybody become reductive? Yei! Thrj means you, too,, and you don't have to be blessed with supermodel orsupentar looks. You have your own umque form of ¿1fure, and once you ze«3 in on your special qualities, you can leam to refine and accerthiabs them-and to project them 10 other people can see and appreciate them, as well. Seductress sncf seducers are made, not born,

Maybe S/he's Born with It...But Probably Not.

Some people just seem to be naturally seductive. In truth, however, very few people are born knowing how to be a great seductress or seducer. A look at some classic examples of alluring seductresses and irresistible playboys illustrates the point that seductive people are not born, but made (in more ways than one!).

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Classic Seductresses: Geishas and Courtesans

Arthur Golden's fascinating and well-researched novel Memoirs of a Geisha describes in delicious detail the life, training, and mindset of a Geisha. A Geisha is trained from her childhood to attract, please, and entertain men, particularly wealthy businessmen. Although we may look upon it as servitude, becoming a Geisha was, and is, considered a very noble and revered calling in Japan. Girls chosen for this training are selected not just for their physical beauty, but also for their ability and motivation to learn the required skills.

Training begins early with a highly organized apprenticeship. The young girl receives extensive instruction in skills and traits valued by men of power: music, the arts, voice, make-up, and hair. She learns to converse about everything from history to current events to the gossip of the day. Her objective is to become ever more desirable, more alluring, and more intoxicating to the men she will entertain.

Indeed, the ability of the Geisha to absolutely enthrall her charges is legendary. And the book Memoirs of a Geisha is an extraordinary story of how an ordinary girl transforms herself into an incredible seductress.

A similar transformation takes place in a movie called Dangerous Beauty. This is a splendid (though admittedly somewhat idyllic) presentation of the life of a courtesan. The film shows how a common girl is transformed into a courtesan, and becomes so phenomenally seductive that the citizens of an entire city are ready to lay down their lives for her. In Europe of the 16th and 17th centuries, a courtesan was a woman who was thoroughly and pains-takingly trained in all aspects of seduction and allure: education, wit, entertainment, and beauty.

Far from being a common prostitute, the courtesan was placed in a position of respect and power to a degree far beyond that of her female contemporaries. She frequently stood beside her man of the moment at important social and political functions. This position was not bestowed haphazardly; the courtesan had to learn well the skills that would inspire others to look upon her with respect.

In the examples above, neither the Geisha nor the courtesan was born knowing the ropes. They learned to become seductive. And the lesson for us modern, enlightened Western women is that we, too, can transform ourselves into enthralling creatures.

For HER Eyes Only

Women, for inspiration and entertainment, read up on what made the courtesans and Geishas so desirable. Cheek out some movies too; I've already cited Dangerous Beauty, which it a very seductive film. For a change of pace, rent My Fair tody, the story of a woman who became the best that she could be. If Eliza Doo little could do it; so can you.

For HER Eyes Only

Women, for inspiration and entertainment, read up on what made the courtesans and Geishas so desirable. Cheek out some movies too; I've already cited Dangerous Beauty, which it a very seductive film. For a change of pace, rent My Fair tody, the story of a woman who became the best that she could be. If Eliza Doo little could do it; so can you.

Naturally, I am not suggesting that you have to become a Geisha or a courtesan in order to be seductive. However, if the women of these more repressive societies could use their allure to rise above many of the limitations placed upon them, just imagine how empowered an independent, modern woman could become if armed with the basic talents and wisdom of courtesans and Geishas. The good news is that, unlike the Geisha and the courtesan, the woman of today needn't spend years in training to become seductive. Make the decision, apply yourself to the process, and you'll see positive results in only a few months.

Bond...James Bond: Seducer Extraordinaire

For HIS Eyes Only

Guyi, rent the movie Don Juan de Mzrto. The character played by Johnny Depp is no James Bond; he probably doesn't even drink martinis—but oh, does h-e Finow how to ihake and stir a woman to her very so jI. Of course, I'm not s uggt'sti'ng you seduce hordes of worntn into your bed—just that you check out what it is about this character that women found 10 entrancing, (The Marlon Brando character is no slouch in the romance department himtelf.)

For HIS Eyes Only

Guyi, rent the movie Don Juan de Mzrto. The character played by Johnny Depp is no James Bond; he probably doesn't even drink martinis—but oh, does h-e Finow how to ihake and stir a woman to her very so jI. Of course, I'm not s uggt'sti'ng you seduce hordes of worntn into your bed—just that you check out what it is about this character that women found 10 entrancing, (The Marlon Brando character is no slouch in the romance department himtelf.)

A seductive man with whom we are all familiar is the character of 007, James Bond. Granted, Bond is fictional, but I cite him because, fictional or not, he is a reflection of our culture's ideals of masculine allure.

Just what is it about this character that makes him so appealing to women? Is it his looks? That's only part of the story. While the actors who have played the British secret agent in the many Bond movies have all been attractive, their attractiveness was not based solely on the actors' physical appearance.

The truth is, James Bond wouldn't be nearly as sexy if he didn't know all of the things he knows. He comes across as being completely comfortable in circumstances that most of us will never face, and his repertoire of knowledge includes areas that, while exciting, are completely foreign to most people. After all, he's a spy, he's an incredible marksman with any kind of weapon, he can drive a race car, and he knows martial arts. It is obvious that he's in great physical condition, as he routinely performs acts that would leave the average man, at best, sore for weeks, and at worst, in the hospital or dead. With all those qualities at his disposal, it's almost inconsequential that he's good looking.

The point is that the things that make James Bond so attractive are virtually all things that he has learned, as opposed to naturally inborn qualities.

And Now, Back to Reality: What About You?

All of these people who were so phenomenally attractive started off as ordinary people. Yet, by acquiring skills and knowledge, which they applied to their lives, they transformed themselves into objects of near-worship. It isn't stretching the truth at all to tell you that you, too, are capable of transforming yourself into an alluring, desirable person. It takes some work, and it definitely takes a real commitment, but you can do it. You simply have to...

• Realize that wherever you are right now is the perfect place to start.

• Determine what you have to work with.

• Compare what you are with what you would like to be.

• Figure out the straightest path between the two.

In the following chapters, we will go into more detail about the different aspects of ourselves—those elements of seductiveness we talked about briefly in Chapter 1—and we'll discuss how to develop them into truly seductive assets. But now it's time to get to work on setting goals.

Short-Term Goals: The First Person You Must Seduce Is Yourself

Becoming seductive is just like any other desire you may have; you must define the desire before you can hope to realize it. Therefore, the first step toward becoming more seductive is to establish a picture in your mind of just what a seductive "you" would look like, sound like, feel like, and even smell like. In short, you need to determine just how a sexy "you" would appear in your own mind.

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Goal setting if important, but it's not enough to just "think" your goal. To maJie it real, put it in writing. Having ft there in black and white is i constant reminder of the promise yoj've made to yourself. This will help provide an extra boost when you get discouraged.

As I've said before, the image you hold of yourself is the one that others around you are most likely to perceive. Thus, the focus of this short-term goal is really upon seducing yourself. That's the first step in seducing someone else.

Your short-term goal, then, is to make a commitment to become the sexiest, most alluring, most charismatic being you possibly can. Here's how to do it:

1. State your goal to yourself. Make it very basic: "I want to become a seductress," or "I want to become a seducer." Don't worry about concrete definitions of what that means; for now, it is important only that you acknowledge that you want to achieve something.

2. Write down your goal. You'd be surprised what a difference that will make in turning your future goal into a reality.

3. Decide on a period of time in which to reach your goal. But here's the trick: Make the time period short enough that you will have to actually work toward your goal, but make it long enough to be realistic (so you won't give up before you've even begun). Like Goldilocks and the three bears, you need to find a time period that's "just right."

A good rule of thumb for short-term goals is to allow yourself between 30 and 90 days. That way, you will see your goal as something you can realistically complete within the time allowed, yet there will be enough time pressure to get you moving, working toward making it happen.

4. Be sure to write the time frame down alongside the goal. Now it's official: You've made a commitment to yourself, so keep that commitment!

Long-Term Goals: Attracting Who You Want.

Once you're on the way to becoming that new you, it's time to begin focusing on your second, more long-term goal. You will commit, in the next 6 to 12 months—however long you think is reasonable—to attracting the caliber of people you're interested in getting to know.

While this may seem like its own independent exercise, remember that this goal is closely related to your short-term goal of becoming more alluring. For one thing, you will have little luck attracting someone if you haven't honed your own attractiveiitefes quotient. Conversely, you will want to enhance those qualities in yourself that will be desirable to the kind of people you are looking for.

Heart Brakes

When setting goals, don't become jo involved in the procesi that you taje light of the rcivlt. Some people arc compulsive liit makers, and they expend so much time and energy making and refining their lufe that they never get around to actually doing anything on the lists. Your goals ihould be a prediction of yoyr future, notjuit words on paper.

Heart Brakes

When setting goals, don't become jo involved in the procesi that you taje light of the rcivlt. Some people arc compulsive liit makers, and they expend so much time and energy making and refining their lufe that they never get around to actually doing anything on the lists. Your goals ihould be a prediction of yoyr future, notjuit words on paper.

For example, what if you are really hoping to meet and begin a relationship with a very basic, salt-of-the-earth-type person? You probably don't need to worry about learning the sociopolitical statements that are woven throughout Shakespeare's plays, but you will want to focus on more fundamental knowledge, like the best place in town to go for a steak. The flip side of this is that, if you focus your development on learning these more fundamental tidbits of knowledge, you aren't going to have much luck attracting a devoted academician.

When you're making your wish Tirt for the type of people you want to attract, you need to determine which traits are negotiable and which are nonnegotiable. Characteristics such as hair color or height may be negotiable; but others, such as smoking Or drinking habits, may not be negotiable. Being clear on the differences from the beginning wili make it easier on you and the people you attract.

A good fisherman learns what bait works best for each kind of fish he or she wishes to catch, and uses the bait most likely to attract the fish being sought. Granted, attracting a romantic partner isn't as rudimentary as catching fish, and seductiveness should be much more than bait; but the basic principle is the same for both activities.

Here's how to create your long-term goals for attracting people:

1. Form a general picture in your mind of the kinds of people you want to attract. At this point, don't get too specific, such as listing each physical attribute you find attractive and eliminating everyone who lacks any of those attributes. (Such a practice will pretty well ensure that you will remain alone, and most people who engage in this practice do remain alone—not because they are too picky, but because they are afraid to get close to someone. The "pickiness" is, in the final analysis, just an excuse.)

2. Sit down and write out a list of the characteristics you find attractive, and by which you rate someone's seductiveness quotient. It's often difficult to do this at first, but once you start writing, you will probably find that you can't write fast enough to list the elements.

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3. After you've made your list, set it down for awhile. Get away from it long enough for it to "cool."

4. When the list has "cooled" enough, read it over, and ask yourself which elements on your list are really critical to you, and which are less important or even inconsequential. Put a star beside the most important items. This is your "pass/fail" list.

5. Imagine a type of person who passes all your critical criteria. When you get a good picture of that type in your mind, expand your mental picture a little, and imagine what that person would be doing in his or her spare time.

6. Expand that mental picture a little more, and imagine where the person would be pursuing that favored activity. You now have a clearer picture in your mind of where to go to find these attractive folks. We'll go into that in a later chapter, but for now, know that you've taken the important first steps.

7. Finally, write down your goal. For example, "Within the next 90 days, I am going to meet six attractive new people. To accomplish this, I will do the following... " Follow with a short list of action items such as, "Beginning this Friday, I will start going to the weekly Singles Night at the local bookstore-coffee bar." Once again, you've made a commitment to yourself. Keep it.

Remember: Excenive selectivity takes the worry out of being close. Actually, it takes the being dose out of being dose. If you find yourself Continually rejecting people because they don't measure up to the esacting list of standards you've created, perhaps it f! time to re-evafuate your standards—and your Own motives. How many -of the criteria on your list are really necessary for your happiness in s relationship, and how many reflect arbitrary standards that few people could ever live tip to?

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5 Ways to Turn Your Nice Girl Naughty

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You have found a good girl. She's cute, sexy, sweet, caring, funny, faithful... and best of all, she's into you. You've done good! And, your friends are all jealous. Maybe you used some of the powerful attraction and seduction tips from our other reports. Or maybe you're just a natural. Either way, you're happy.

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  • Alannah
    What can be done to seduce goal setting skill?
    4 years ago

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