In This Chapter

>■ What is flirting, anyway? >■ The good, the bad, and the ugiy >■ How to get over your fear of flirting > Harmless flirting: testing your equipment >■ Destructive flirting: Scarlett fever

>■ Purposeful, seductive flirting; when you knew what you want

At one time or another, nearly everybody has flirted with someone they find attractive. For many people, flirting is nothing more than a fun and harmless way of interacting. But flirting isn't always harmless, and it can sometimes be quite destructive. On the other hand, it can also be a powerful prologue to that delicious seduction we all long for. It depends upon several factors: your intent, the other person's expectations, and the actual results. In this chapter, we'll explore the different types of flirtation, and I'll share some pointers on how to flirt seductively.

The Flavors of Flirting.

Webster's dictionary defines flirting as "acting amorously or seductively without serious intent." But just as the word "seduction" has changed in meaning over the years, "flirting" has undergone a similar transformation. It no longer necessarily means acting without serious intent, although it certainly can mean that. Let's begin by defining our terms.

There are three kinds of flirting:

There are three kinds of flirting:

Wordplay

Webster's dictionary defines flirting as "acting amorousiy without serious intention." But that'i really more descriptive of the oid-styie flirting. Remember, the (ingle element that truly separates deffdoiu seduction from malicious ¡eduction is intent and the same goes for flirtation. Keep your intent clear and Idnd, and your flirting will be sweet, your seduction a delightful experience for both of you.

Wordplay

Webster's dictionary defines flirting as "acting amorousiy without serious intention." But that'i really more descriptive of the oid-styie flirting. Remember, the (ingle element that truly separates deffdoiu seduction from malicious ¡eduction is intent and the same goes for flirtation. Keep your intent clear and Idnd, and your flirting will be sweet, your seduction a delightful experience for both of you.

1. Harmless flirting. I like to think of this as equipment-check flirting. It's just a way of testing one's attractiveness to the opposite sex, with no serious intent, but with no harmful results either.

2. Destructive flirting. Maybe it's a woman who comes on to every married man at the party, while the wives stand around seething. Perhaps it's a married man who flirts constantly and outrageously with other women, even (or especially) in the presence of his wife. Or maybe it's your blind date, who's too obviously not blind whenever another attractive woman walks by your table. If flirtatious behavior causes discomfort, anger, or unhappiness, it is destructive. The destructive flirt may not necessarily be flirting with harmful intent, but he or she is flirting without regard for the results.

3. Seductive flirting. This is meaningful flirting. It's flirting with a serious purpose, and that purpose is pleasure (without pain). We'll go into the particulars later on in this chapter (also see Chapter 11 for more advice).

Before we discuss the different types of flirting, I want to say a few words to those of you who have cold feet about the whole thing. I know you're out there, so come on in, sit by the fire and let's get you warmed up.

Continue reading here: Hope for the FlirtOPhobe

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