Self Worth The Reflection of Your Essence

There is frequently some confusion between the concepts of self-confidence and self-worth. Quite simply, where self-confidence is how you measure your own capabilities, self-worth is a measure of something much more intrinsic. It is your perception of your value as a human being. The two can either reinforce each other, or can be diametrically opposed.

The process of boosting your sense of self-worth is probably about 20 percent introspection and 80 percent action. Consider what it is you like and don't like about yourself; then go about the task of improving the things you don't like, and reinforcing the things you like.

Wordplay

Setf-worth is, in many ways, more profound and personal than self-confidence. J t describes your concept of your merit and vaiue as a human being. It is dependent to some degree on the opinions of others, but a heaJthy sense of self'

Wordplay

Setf-worth is, in many ways, more profound and personal than self-confidence. J t describes your concept of your merit and vaiue as a human being. It is dependent to some degree on the opinions of others, but a heaJthy sense of self'

A tool therapists frequently use to help clients increase their sense of self-worth is to ask them: "What have you done that you're most proud of, and why?" Quite often the answer is something the client did that brought joy to someone else. The more good you do for others, the more you'll have to feel good about. (Remember what we were saying about character earlier in this chapter!) A client of mine named Sondra has developed a routine with a couple of elderly neighbors who can no longer drive. These neighbors' children and other relatives live out of town, and their circle of friends and contacts is limited because they can't get around very well anymore. Once a week, Sondra takes them to the supermarket, and whenever possible she takes them to doctor's appointments or runs other errands for them. She also invites them to spend many holidays and other special occasions with her and her family. "In return," says Sondra, "I have gained two wonderful friends who have led long and fascinating lives. I really enjoy the company of both of these women. But what I enjoy more than anything is knowing I've helped make a difference in their lives. For me, few things can match that feeling of satisfaction."

How about you? What have you done that has made you feel good about yourself? Sit down and make a list. Then ask yourself, "What more can I do?" Just for starters, here are some ideas:

• Volunteer to work with children in the burn or cancer ward in the pediatric unit of your local hospital.

• Help out with babies born to drug-addicted mothers.

• Give some of your free time to a soup kitchen (and not just at Thanksgiving or Christmas—these facilities often have a problem with too much volunteer help on holidays).

• Do some volunteer work for local AIDS organizations; help out at a hospice, take meals to AIDS patients, or help them care for their pets.

• Help out at a shelter for women who are abuse victims.

• Volunteer for a local literacy program.

• Run errands for elderly, housebound people, or volunteer at a nursing home. You don't necessarily need to find an organization that specializes in this—you probably have a neighbor on your street or in your building who could use a helping hand.

• Become a Big Brother or Big Sister.

• Get involved with a mentor program at your local high school or university.

In truth, there are many concrete actions you can take to improve your sense of self-worth. Everybody has something of value to offer, whether it be skills, information, or just encouragement. The simple act of smiling at someone who doesn't have much to smile about not only makes the object of your good intentions feel good, but makes you feel pretty good, too. And who doesn't love to be around someone who feels good? It's contagious!

Ask the Love Coach

Jeffrey,, a client of mine, dropped out of college. Although he'd always planned to go back, he just never got around to it The longer he waited, the easier it became rcoito do ft Without a degree, he sometimes didn't get jobs he appfied for or was passed up for promotions, What was worse, though, was seeing his mother's disappointment. None of this added to Jeffrey's feelings of self-worth.

Ask the Love Coach

Jeffrey,, a client of mine, dropped out of college. Although he'd always planned to go back, he just never got around to it The longer he waited, the easier it became rcoito do ft Without a degree, he sometimes didn't get jobs he appfied for or was passed up for promotions, What was worse, though, was seeing his mother's disappointment. None of this added to Jeffrey's feelings of self-worth.

Finally, in his late 30s, Jeffrey began taking night classes while still keeping his full-time job. While hij primary motivation for getting his degree was to increase his marketability, wh&t really kept him going, was knowing how pleased hit mom would be. Jeffrey says, "'Sometimes, focusing on the joy we're going to bring someone else really does provide that added impetus." He graduated with a 3.8 grade average, and his mom couldn't be prouder. He's pretty pleased, too.

Ultimately, your spirit or essence is just as obvious as a brightly lit neon sign that you carry with you everywhere you go. Only you can determine what your sign says to the people you meet. Carry a sign of confidence, of comfort, of good intent—and you will be remarkably alluring to the people around you.

The Least You Need to Know

^ Your spirit, Or essence, is the sum total of all of ydur other elements, and is really what make* you seductive,

>■ Your seif-confidcnce is influenced by outside events, but it originates within you,

V Character and intent are important aspects of your essence, for they determine how comfortable others feel with you.

^ You can increase yûur sense of seff-wOrth by doing something good for others,

Continue reading here: Attracting Dates Casting Your Spell

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