In a perfect relationship, both people would have the same fantasies, the same limits, and the same motivations. Such a relationship simply doesn't exist, and would be incredibly boring if it did. The real magic of a relationship with another person is in discovering his or her unique qualities and being willing and able to integrate that uniqueness with your own. The real challenge in the relationship is to see that both your needs are met, that both of you feel secure with each other, and that you are filled with hope and excitement when you think of each other. This isn't something that comes later on, after you've been seeing each other for a long time. It begins with your first meeting, and everything you do from that point either adds to or diminishes it.
You can add to your partner's good feelings by being alert and sensitive to his or her needs, by allowing your partner's uniqueness to shine through—including his or her fantasies—without judgment, and by encouraging an exploration of those needs openly with you. Making your partner feel safe and accepted, even when you know his or her secret hopes, fears, and fantasies, is the surest path to a delicious seduction. And by allowing your partner a safe place, where limits are respected, he or she will want to share even more with you. If that doesn't constitute a delicious seduction, I don't know what does.
^ Sexual fantasies and games have a place in seduction and a lively sex Jtfe, but they should never become a subitftute for the intimacy of good fovemaking.
> When sharing fantasies or indulging in sex games, know your own limits and respect thote of your partner. The emotional safety of both people should be your paramount concern at all times.
>■ When in doubt about acting out a fantasy, don't do it, particularly if it involves a third person.
>■ Men'i and women's sexual fantasies are an exaggerated reflection of their different iexual and emotion a I needs.
> Sharing your sexual fantasies can bring the two of you closer together by helping you explore each other's sexual desires and emotional needs—and can be deliciouily seductive.
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What's Love Got to Do with It?
> What iove has to do with seduction (and vice vena)
No book on seduction would be complete without talking about love. After all, for the majority of us, sex is most fulfilling in the context of a loving relationship—and most people, at some point, do fall in love. No doubt, many of you who are reading this book are in the process of falling in love, are already in love, or simply have a future goal of finding the Big L, but aren't quite there yet. Perhaps you're even already in a committed relationship.
That's why I'm going to devote this chapter to taking a closer look at this phenomenon we call love. While it is beyond the scope of this book to delve into the details of compatibility and commitment, I will share some insights into love: the different kinds of love, the phases of a love relationship, and—because I haven't forgotten why you came to this book in the first place—the role that seduction plays as the relationship progresses. And I'll end the chapter—and the book—by talking about how you can make seduction last forever.
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