SoHow Can I Tell If This Is the Right Person

I have devised a few questions to give you a better idea of whether or not the person you want to seduce is someone you should be having sex with. Some of the questions will look familiar, because they appeared in the "Rate Your Date" section in Chapter 13. But now that you are moving ever closer to having sex with this person, you need to ask them of yourself again. Review all the questions below, and answer them honestly. By doing so, you will develop a clearer picture of what your prospective lover is like, and you'll also get a better idea of your own needs.

If even one of your answers is "no," then you seriously need to reconsider your plans to seduce this person. On the other hand, if you just don't know the answers at this point, you simply need to take more time to get to know the person. In any case, the time to review this list is now. Some questions simply are not best answered with one's feet in the air!

• Is this a person who you want to become more like? When you have sex with someone, you are exchanging more than body fluids. You also exchange energy. No, I'm not going off on a metaphysical tangent here. The truth is, as you become more intimate with another person, you become more alike. You pick up aspects of each other's personalities, some of each other's pet phrases or cherished opinions, even some of each others' habits (good or bad). Maybe this is why people often comment that couples who have been together for a long time even begin to look alike. At any rate, in ways both subtle and obvious, you will become more like the other person, and vice versa. If you don't like the idea of becoming more like this person, you might pause to consider this.

• Do you feel this person would be a suitable partner for your sister, brother, or best friend? This one has been a real litmus test for several clients and friends of mine. It's definitely a question that compels you to look at your partner from a different perspective than you may be used to. And, should your answer be "no," ask yourself: "If this person isn't good enough for someone I really care about, why is he or she good enough for me?"

• Is there genuine physical chemistry between the two of you, or does one of you look upon the other as just another trophy? I assume that you wouldn't be spending your time and energy becoming a delicious seducer or seductress just for the sake of making your friends gasp with envy when they see that Baywatch-babe lookalike or that handsome hunk on your arm. Similarly, I would hope that your partner isn't using you for such a shallow purpose. Don't misunderstand me; there's nothing wrong with feeling a little surge of pride in the fact that your partner is so obviously attractive to others; but this pride should be a pleasant byproduct of a relationship that is based on genuine—and mutual—passion.

Continue reading here: Ask the Love Coach

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