To Make Others Like You Like Them

This statement sounds so simple that it could be easily dismissed, but it describes the single most effective way to endear yourself to others: Like them. Think about how you react to people who really like you. It's difficult not to like them back, isn't it? Doesn't it make sense, then, to believe that another person would react similarly to being liked?

For HIS Eye* Only

Guys, wi;men vaiue being able to tei/ you something that' < very Jmporta nt to them and feeling that you truly undeistsnd. Unfortunately, a pari, of most (ilirl'i wing compels them to listen ¿nd lhed> yffer advice. iV?y sdvit:c: Don't. Unie^ specifically for suggestion-!, just ifsten to her widi your fuJI attention. Thst'i seductive,

The key word in this idea is the word "really." You reacted positively to someone who genuinely liked you. On the other hand, you probably cringed when you perceived that someone was only pretending to like you, or liked you because he or she thought a relationship with you could be beneficial in some way. It is important to remember this distinction, because it can mean the difference between attracting others and sending them running.

You might wonder how you can possibly make yourself like someone and not come across as being false. Well, you can't just make yourself like someone who doesn't have some characteristics that you find attractive, endearing, and intriguing in the first place. But sometimes you have to look for these traits. The following exercise will show you how you-ban "learn" to like someone.

For HIS Eye* Only

Guys, wi;men vaiue being able to tei/ you something that' < very Jmporta nt to them and feeling that you truly undeistsnd. Unfortunately, a pari, of most (ilirl'i wing compels them to listen ¿nd lhed> yffer advice. iV?y sdvit:c: Don't. Unie^ specifically for suggestion-!, just ifsten to her widi your fuJI attention. Thst'i seductive,

Try this exercise with the next five people you meet:

For Hfcft Eyes Only

A man feels safe with a woman when he feels he can tell her something about himself and trust her to keep it private. If you tell your friends and family the intimate details of your conversation with a man, he'll eventually get wind of it, and he'If never really trust you again. Bottom line: men value confidentiality, and women who value men need to respect thaL

1. Really look at the person with the intention of finding qualities you like. Don't focus on what you perceive as the person's flaws. When Joan first met Rob at a party, he was telling a deer-hunting story to a group of people. Joan was a vegetarian and an animal-rights activist who didn't believe in hunting. Had she focused on the fact that Rob was obviously a carnivore, and a hunting one at that, she would probably have decided she disliked him without even getting to know him. But because she made an effort to concentrate on positive characteristics, she was able to notice that he actually was quite witty and had a real flair for storytelling. These were traits she could admire.

2. Practice thinking of the person in terms of the good qualities you've discovered. Instead of thinking of Rob as "that redneck hunter," which she might have done in the old days, Joan looks at him as "that guy who tells the cool stories." And she has found she actually likes him. Now she looks forward to seeing him at parties and get-togethers.

Ask the Love Coach

When you're looking for something to admire about someone, the quality or qualities you focus on shouldn't be just physical characteristics. It is too easy to like someone because of a physical attraction; mare than likely, that person is pjobably tired of being VBlued primarily for his or her physical qualities.

And, guys, when you are talking to a woman and admiring her, be sure you are talking to her face and otherwise indicating that you arc admiring her as a pe^on, I've lost count of the times a woman has complained to me that a gyy seemed to talk to her chest. I don't care if Dolly Parton could hide behind the woman you're talking to, look her in the eye when you're with her. A quick, occasional glance at her physical ^asseti" is all ri^it, but leering is a definite turn-off.

3. Let your "I-like-you" attitude shine through whenever you're talking to that person. Even if she doesn't come right out and say it to him in so many words, Joan's enjoyment of Rob comes across to him whenever they're talking, and he feels good about himself in her presence. It would be nearly impossible for him not to like her in return.

There is something likable, even admirable, in virtually everybody you meet. You don't ever need to fake it and pretend you like someone. If you have to fake interest in a person, why are you trying to attract him or her in the first place?

Ask the Love Coach

Don't be dismayed when conflict comes up in your relationship, Remember that liking someone doesn't mean bJindiy agreeing with that person on everything. As a matter of fact, some of the people who are most dear to me are pec pie with whom I've had pretty fundamental disagreements, even arguments. Being able to disagree with someone, yet still respect and admire hi/m or her, is one of the highest compliment you can pay somebody. Just remember this: You cannot 6e tmty intimate u4th someone untif you've had * conflict with thitpenon. Knowing how to handle conflict with honesty and compassion is truly seductive.

Ask the Love Coach

Continue reading here: Emotional Seductiveness Creates a Win Win Situation

Was this article helpful?

0 0