Your Ability to Deliver on Her Four Primary Emotional Needs 204 Make sure that Your Four Primary Emotional Needs are being met by Her 217
The "Right One", defined 225
Getting Her Addicted to You 230
Yeah Baybee!... Your Perfect Pad for Shagging 235
You Evil Bastard, I should have never shown you any of this... 240
A) Cayman Magic -- (A fictional pick-up story with annotations) 247
B) The 7 Mega-Rules of Men - Women Relations 282
C) The Dominant Male Test 284
D) Scoring the Dominant Male Test & Interpretation of Results 294
Are you socially withdrawn? Is "nerd" how you would describe yourself? Can you remember a horrible, mocking, humiliating event in your past that still haunts you to this day? See it as vividly as when it first happened? (Oh, I can remember a few of them!) What kind of pain does it take to control you? Are you the sort of person who's motivated by the idea of seeking reward or pleasure? Or are you all about avoiding pain and hurt at all costs?
Well here's the Great Wonder of being alive... lurking inside every rotten situation there exists a seed of infinite possibility. If you can find this seed and nurture it somehow, what all the great philosophies refer to as a catharsis will occur in your life. A monumental change which walls off all possibility of going back to the way that you used to be. This process is accessible to anyone interested in taking up the personal challenge of living Life to its fullest expression. No going to the mountain required. Just simple old Knowledge is all that's necessary.
And he'd hide in a house and he didn't say much...
Dee da lee dee dee -- dee dee, dee dee -- dee da lee do...
Crunchy Granola Suite Neil Diamond, 1972
I remember being 18 years old up in my room listening to heart-wrenching songs from Neil Diamond's Love at the Greek album. Yeah, I know I'm dating myself as an old fart for a lot of you guys. If I am, then you can substitute your own sad songs... I'm sure they're similar. My story of growing up with the forlorn frustration of not being able to connect with the opposite sex is one for the ages. It never changes, generation to generation. All our experiences are just as relevant despite the passage of time and style and fashion, because the issues that lie beneath them are universal and eternal. Some of i us guys are just flat out no damn good at the most important game that we'll ever be called to play.
To some degree we are all awkward when those funny urges first begin to grab hold of us in our early teens, when we start looking at the girl down the street, our teacher, and even our sister (yuk!) in a way that we never had before. It isn't long before we begin to experience the massive discontinuity between our bursting sexual maturity and our social awkwardness. Our bodies lurch out ahead of our minds.
Suddenly, you're supposed to switch gears in mid-childhood and go from being a kid to young adult -- instantly knowing how to charm these... girls (who you didn't even want on your team last year!) and somehow get them to do something that... I don't know, everyone expects you to somehow know how to do. And if you don't somehow magically know what that something is, well then you're just a fucking nerd, and now you've become the focus of endless scorn from all your buddies (who are equally as clueless but need an easy target to keep the bullets away from them). And to make matters even worse, everyone knows the one dude who seems to have figured it out all on his own (by sheer accident it usually turns out) and is making time with every girl in the neighborhood. Dare you admit that he has a secret power to meet women that you don't? I could be just like him and get girls too, if I wanted to. Right.
Okay so we were just kids then, stupid kids, so what? Well, it begins to matter a lot a few years later when every one of your friends fumbles and feels his way into some kind of relationship, but you're still left standing out in the cold. Soon, panic starts to set in. What the hell is wrong with me?... you begin to think. Why is it that everyone else seems to be able to figure out how this making out thing works, and I still can't get the courage up to even ask one girl out on a damn date?
And like a man with a tiger outside his gate, Not only couldn't relax but he couldn't relate...
Your social ineptitude begins to become a real stone in your shoe, an obsession. There must be a way to overcome this fear of being rejected so that you can "become normal" like everyone else. But it isn't easy. Like quicksand, your fear draws you down ever deeper the more you struggle against it. Why? Because it isn't the mere fear of interacting with women that you have... something which can be overcome with a courageous burst of willpower. What is really suffocating your social life is more akin to a phobia that finds its source in a complex webwork of shame and shaming events that may have either happened to you suddenly in a traumatic event, or (more insidiously) built up in a very subtle and gradual fashion that was so far beneath your radar screen that you never knew what hit you.
Bit by bit you were made to understand that certain natural emotions which were beginning to express themselves as you started to become aware of your world and your relationships to the various people in them were bad... they were to be repressed and hidden away and never acted upon. And the tool used by society, your teachers, parents and other authority figures to control your behavior (and ultimately your thoughts) was the powerful psychological hammer of shame. The integration of shame and shaming events into your young and highly vulnerable psyche served to provoke painful thoughts and memories that eventually had to be flushed from your system by various mood altering methods, or they would drive you to madness... that's how powerful they are. All addictive behaviors find their source in a long-ago integrated and repressed feeling of shame. But it's the warped thoughts and controlling behaviors that are even more dangerous to our healthy development as mentally well balanced individuals.
In men, one of the places that this terrible shame can create problems is in our self-concept of what it means to be a man, and by extension, of how we handle the most critical aspect of our "maleness" i.e., our romantic-sexual relationships with women.
Did you ever say to a girl, "something about you makes me feel young again..."? That can be a great line, but it has to be used at just the right moment. Too soon and it seems lame and stupid, too late and, well... it's too late. You see, when it comes to the magnificent Art of Seduction, everything is all about timing. But if you're held tight in the grip of shame, merely trying to say these words will feel as if you're rolling a huge iii boulder up a steep hill.
I'm no scientist and I don't claim to have all the answers (or the reams of hard data to back them up), but I know about the problem that certain types of non-aggressive males (like me) have with women... Females will not mate with non- aggressive males! This is a fact of life all throughout nature... from rats and worms to pigs and dogs, monkeys and humans. Why not? Because seduction and mating and reproduction are not about rationality. They're about survival of the fittest -- and the urges that produce them are not worried about protecting anyone's ego. Hell, these drives are not even aware of the existence of "egos" - although their expression can be disrupted by them.
On the surface, it may seem as if humans have civilized the mating dance so much that it bears little resemblance to the actions of lower animals, but you'll see that so very much of what goes on between men and women is spoken only in the language of movements and looks and attitudes. So much so that it's a wonder we even bother to weave words into the process at all! But, alas, we do... and so you must know how to manage your words very precisely. I will show you a scheme -- a template -- for using words and actions that will insure you of the best possible chance of impressing women with your desirability as a Man, no matter how much of a wimp you may've seemed like so far. You see, it's all about training and knowledge. I give you a bit of my humble knowledge, and you give yourself the training. Before long you are free to advance onward into the next phase -- the love and romance phase -- of your life's journey.
And like a man with a tiger outside his gate, Not only couldn't relax but he couldn't relate... Now he can, family man, tried my brand...
Ah, if only it were so easy. But I'll tell you this... with just a few crucial understandings of exactly what it is that women find attractive in a man (certain "signaling" behaviors) and how to affect those behaviors in just the right way when you're around them, it isn't all that difficult to overcome your seemingly impenetrable iv fear of rejection. Women become "fast rejecters" once they begin to get some experience with men hitting on them. They get to sample many different personality types they soon develop a sharp understanding of which kinds of men bore or excite them after seeing only a few seconds of their presentation. Sensitive egos like ours need protection from these fast rejecters! But... when you know the right way to act, the correct things to say, and the critical things to look for... there is just about no chance of being rejected! When you reach this skill level with women you can then begin to act with total impunity.
You become invincible like Superman and can enjoy operating in a completely fearless state! Oh sure there's still a few chunks of kryptonite out there waiting to trip you up if you're not careful -- but it's nothing like the mountain of boulders that currently stands between yourself and a fulfilling social life. The only time you may be likely to encounter those deadly kryptonite land mines is when you get so overconfident and arrogant with your new found seduction powers that you venture outside the system and try to force a play when there isn't one to be made.
But hell, isn't that an incredible "problem" to have, considering where you are presently... lost in the doldrums of self-rejection and self-imposed isolation? Let's get started.
Mike Pilinski June 2002
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