So how do we subcommunicate the right things? Through proper use of body language and non-verbal cues. As I mentioned, facial expressions, voice intonation, speed of speech, how you walk, the way you carry yourself through the world, making eye contact, how fast you move, and even our breathing communicate attributes to the people around you.
Start watching people closely as you go about your daily life. At work, in the store, at the club; just sit back and observe what people are doing with their bodies and guess what they are feeling. You can see when somebody is sad, happy, excited, honest, or angry -- even when they are trying not to reveal their emotions.
Look at somebody who rapidly moves his foot up and down and won't look people in the eyes. He is insecure and expressing nervous energy. Somebody who is hunched over with her feet together is subconsciously trying to not be noticed. A person who walks tall and relaxed, with his chest out and head high is happy and comfortable. Watch people's smiles. Some are happy and genuine, others are fake and nervous.
We can find a wealth of information about people by their body language. In terms of seduction, we learn to read what females are feeling on a deeper level. A woman will do the exact same to you... tenfold. Their process of screening by looks and body language is a self-defense mechanism. She really doesn't want to hook up with some low self-esteem loser. So, what exactly are the non-verbal cues that women look for?
First, let me ask you who the really confident guys in our society are; the ones with an attitude larger then life? Rock stars, CEOs, actors, artists, doctors, politicians, eccentric millionaires, etc.
Take a look at how they walk, how they sit, how they speak, and you'll notice something really interesting. They are totally calm, like they control TIME. They are not in hurry. The way they move and how they speak completely radiates super-confidence. They own the world they live in. No woman controls how they feel and what their self worth is.
This is an aspect of body language not often noticed by many men. Emotional projection. The emotion or feeling you are projecting when you approach a girl is the greatest factor that will determine the success or failure of the approach. If you were to imagine yourself playing a character, what emotions are you putting out to her? Seductive? Lusty? Cool? Are you projecting something positive and congruent or are you projecting emotions that make you look like a nervous schoolboy?
If you project negative emotions on the approach, they will unconsciously respond negatively. But if you project positive emotions, even if it feels forced at first, the dramatic results will surprise you. Positivity is contagious.
Most men have weak APOLOGETIC APPROACHES. If you are concentrating on your words and approach girls with sweaty palms, a nervous voice and bad body language, you will fail like the nice guys who came before you.
This is the same anchor has been set in her mind, triggered by weak approaches, over and over every night by all the other losers! She will reject you automatically as soon as she sees the signs. You must control what you are projecting emotionally with your facial expressions and body language.
I am going to give you very specific pointers in a moment, but more importantly you need to understand the underlying principles of good body language. Emotional projection is the most important aspect of body language.
• You own the space around you...and the rest of the world for that matter.
• You are happy with where and who you are.
Always keep these emotional principles in mind and make sure you move slower, be cooler and own your space.
Here are some common ways guys violate this when trying to pick up a girl and why:
• Talking too fast (Being nervous)
• Talking too much (Trying to impress her)
• Struggling for what to say next (Not enough practice and not relaxed enough to let the mind improvise)
• Drinking too much (To become comfortable)
• Asking too many questions (Trying to create rapport too soon, but she doesn't want your rapport unless you have attracted her first)
• Closed defensive body language; hands connected, feet too close, shoul ders down. (Trying to protect yourself)
• Fidgeting - shuffling, playing with your drink, etc. (Unable to contain nervous energy)
• Leaning in - (trying to hard to hold their attention and focus) The more you lean in, the more they will back away. If you lean back and look relaxed, they will begin to lean in to you unconsciously because you are confidently controlling the interaction and not trying hard to build rapport.
Does any of this radiate confidence? Of course not...every action here projects emotional INSECURITY!!
Here is what you should do:
• Keep your hands out of your pockets.
• Stand with your feet wider apart.
• Never look down when you walk, look above the horizon
• Stand with your chest pushed outwards
• Keep your shoulders relaxed and back
• Walk confidently and slowly with bigger steps
• Take up lots of space, no matter where you are
• Always lean back onto whatever is available and get comfortable
• Touch people when you talk with them (non-sexual). It shows that you are comfortable and is a subtle indicator of dominance. (And later she is going to be used to your touch so it won't be weird to hold hands and kiss.)
• Your body language and speech should be congruent. For instance, mov ing with confidence is good, but it looks incongruent if you talk fast and nervous at the same time.
You should work to be change your Inner Game and lifestyle to genuinely increase your confidence and happiness so that you begin to project these emotions naturally. Until then, follow the rules above and you'll find that you will begin projecting...and as a result, feeling, more confidence right away.
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