What weve established so far

• Attractive is something that's desirable on some level to someone.

• Things can be attractive in different ways, but in a scene like this one, we're largely dealing with being attractive in a way that's going to help our romantic and sex livses.

• The very first, knee-jerk reactions about whether a person is attractive or not come from our senses.

After that, the information from our senses is filtered. This is where things get complicated.

5.3 Beliefs And Filters

If I got together a bunch of guys and asked them, 'What makes a woman attracted to a man?' I'd get lots of different answers. I might hear, 'Making her feel good is attractive.' I might hear: 'People want what they can't have, and that's attractive.' I might hear: 'An attractive guy doesn't need her.' I might hear: 'Acting like a man is attractive.' And so on. None of those are wrong, or right, by and of themselves. Those are catchphrases that have some truth to them, but aren't the whole picture.

And this is where the confusion comes in: If a cool guy spends a lot of time socializing with women, and has some relationships, he'll have a lot of insights. They'll be pretty complicated, and based on his unique experiences. So if he wants to share them, he needs to break them down in a way that they can be understood. The guys he's sharing with weren't there for every girl he's interacted with, and don't have his frame of reference, so he needs to 'sum it up' for them.

So he says something like: 'Be alpha. Be a man.'

Not bad advice. Not bad at all. But he's saying that from the perspective he's got, from the places he's been, from acting like he's acted like with women all his life. If the man giving advice is a 35-year-old businessman in Italy, his conception of 'being alpha' and 'being a man'

is very, very different from a 17-year-old Canadian high school kid's idea if 'being alpha' and 'being a man'. Some things are going to be the same, but the guys that the 17 year old Canadian is going to look up to is going to be very different from the Italian guy.

So let's get to the heart of it: In every place I've been to, almost everyone raised in that area had some deep, underlying core beliefs that were similar. Like, as crazy as it sounds in a diverse nation, it's largely true. In the 1950's in America, in many areas it was completely assumed as a fundamental truth that women stayed home and raised children, and men worked. That's just how it was. Telling a woman that being a 'working mother' was an option for her would be as alien as telling a Manhattan woman today that she needs to get married and start having children by 20. Everything you perceive is filtered through your beliefs. It goes like this:

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