Firststage touch

I've mentioned the powerful technique of touch testing in the previous chapter Although this technique applies to life in general, it will be a vital step in your mating rituals, too

Touch testing means working from social to sexual touch in stages and checking at each stage to see if it's accepted and reciprocated This is a natural process during meeting, dating, and mating, but just because it should be a "natural" ritual doesn't mean it's easy to do

Think of all your first touch encounters as exploration There's the standing joke where a young guy sits in a cinema on a first date and pretends to yawn and stretch so that he can place an arm around the girl's shoulders He then has to keep that arm on the back of the seat until he can pluck up courage to place it on her body

Although this scene might make you laugh, it should also sound familiar Apart from the earliest days of a sexual and love relationship, where almost no touch is taboo and sexual approach is welcomed at any time, all touch works on a traffic light system I Touch-test your way from the first stages of touch. Be tuned in to your potential partner's responses Look for a genuine smile or reciprocal touch . If he or she stops moving or becomes overcongruent—for example, giggling—you need to take it as a potential red light . It can be a sign of embarrassment. I Start with social touch first . If your partner isn't interested he or she will find it easier to turn you down and you won't lose face I Social touch during a conversation (not to be used on total strangers, but proceed with an amber light once you've gotten into a sociable and mutually acceptable conversation!) can include a light touch on the hand, arm, or back I Steering touch can signal the first tie-signs. This would mean touching an elbow to steer through a crowd, or placing your arm behind the back for the same purpose

I Loud music in a club can induce more intimate social touch than would be acceptable anywhere else It means even very first meetings can include facial proximity as you yell in one another's ears, plus shoulder or even torso touch

I Dancing is a ritual that was often used to create quite intimate stages of touch, but in a formal way Ballroom existed in an era when stranger touch would have been very restricted and even kissing might have taken several dates to achieve . Dances like the waltz or foxtrot involved the possibility of torso-touch, but to keep it all above board the hands are employed in a very formal manner

I Dance rituals have strong links to animal mating rituals . Modern dance is more about sexual display than touch as couples tend to dance apart, but there are still several gestures of touch intention, where touch is mimed, or some moments of touch followed by separation, mimicking the touch-test rituals of sexual approach

I The second stages of sexual touch involve what are still subtle displays, although the effect and intentional signaling is more intense These touches include fleeting face-touch

("You have an eyelash on your cheek"), wrist or inner arm touch ("Can I smell your scent?"), or more prolonged hand touch, usually accompanied by more intense bouts of eye-gaze . I Stage three will often involve "ownership" rituals . This is where someone (often the female) begins to mark her territory by using touch to let other females know the man she's with is taken This usually means grooming touch like smoothing a collar, for example, or picking a hair off his jacket . I Stage four will move into exclusive touch, the kind of touch that has no going back as you can't pretend it was anything other than a sexual advance, like thigh touch, mouth touch, or more prolonged torso-touch

Continue reading here: Instant attraction

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