Pushing the transaction

Creating complementary body language transactions isn't always useful, though If your best friend has a habit of raising her status by ordering you around and telling you what to do, you can take a complementary stance by adopting a subservient pose, dropping your posture, and doing what you're told, but—unless you have a predilection for servitude—you'll probably feel a building resentment each time you act compliant

It's very possible, then, that you will want to make moves to change your friend's behavior Instead of the compliant, complementary response, you might opt for something less servile that will make her less likely to dominate you It would be tempting to try an aggressive stance, staring hard and pointing as you accuse her of bossing you around This is likely to force her even further into the controlling state by getting angry and arguing Strategic body language plotting means you'd opt for an assertive state, keeping calm and adult as you use enough eye contact to look confident and enough open, emphatic gestures to show you don't want to argue but you mean what you say

These strategic body language transactions can help with any social or family relationship Transactional planning is especially useful if you're locked into a trans-actional pattern with one or more relatives—that is, a kind of Groundhog Day scenario when you always argue over the same things . You could have a disagreeable mother-in-law who you feel is always criticizing you when she comes to visit or a sibling who's always getting drunk and acting like a child at weddings or parties . Once you pinpoint their body language state by studying their gestures, posture, and facial expressions, you can analyze if you're going for the complementary response (which could include arguing, paying too much attention to them, or getting upset and crying) or if you should try to change your state to persuade them to change theirs .

Continue reading here: How to meet your new partners family and friends for the first time

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