On Inviting Women In

It is normally perceived as a threat to approach a woman from her side or, if you are driving an automobile, her blind spot. Thus, avoid sitting or standing directly alongside a woman, especially one you don't know very well. Women feel more comfortable if they are approached from the front because they can better assess the situation and are not taken by surprise. After this initial approach, and if the woman begins to relax, the man can then move to the side to continue the conversation. If, on the other hand, a woman chooses to approach a man, she might do so by approaching initially from the side or from behind, then continuing the conversation directly in front of him. The more she faces a man and matches his torso with her own, the more attraction she is feeling. A man will very normally perceive a woman who approaches directly from the front as a threat but will find this positioning tolerable after an initial approach. It's easy to picture this in an employee-employer relationship. A female boss might move in directly to her male employee to better establish hierarchy.

Dave's approach is more in tune with what will make a woman feel comfortable. He has performed a semi or full circle of the room, Scarlet has noticed him and made eye contact, and he has slowly moved in to speak with her. Dave shows that he is a bit timid by keeping his hands in his pockets. Scarlet's body language is slightly defensive as we would expect from an initial meeting. Her right arm is crossed over her body and holding her left elbow forming a barrier to protect herself. Her legs are also crossed which is a closed body position. She is smiling, however, showing that she is comfortable in the situation.

While in conversation with a stranger, a 45 degree angle is most suitable between two people. The reason for maintaining this angle to another is that it makes a quick exit possible. An exit from this angle requires only one motion and that is forward and away. However, if two people are facing each other straight on then exit requires two motions: a pivot to li ylH ua>baM

So Dave found Scarlett attractive and felt compelled to break her away from the dialogue she was having with her girlfriend. The problem lies not in his confidence to approach her; he has done well to get this far. The problem lies in the approach itself; it is all wrong. He came in from behind her, startled her, and put her on a defensive. Dave should have made a big enough half circle and perhaps made brief eye contact, or at least given her the chance to view him, before coming over. He could have gone in front of her and ordered a drink first so she would have had the opportunity to assess him as he has had to assess her. A man should always come in from in front of a woman and in plain sight. At the same time, he should avoid coming in directly toward her like a hunter on his prey. Once a dialogue is established the man should then move to the side and continue the conversation. Scarlett's body language is all negative. She is leaning away from Dave with her arms and legs crossed in defense.

turn sideways then a motion forward and away. When strangers meet, always remember that it is risky. This is especially true for women who are naturally smaller and more vulnerable. As a man, imagine being approached sexually by someone who is both bigger and stronger than you. Absent of any laws and rules, this situation could be extremely dangerous. Now add to this a mind that contained ancient hardwiring to naturally fear such responses. No amount of learning can wipe away our evolutionary hardwiring. Women's brains have evolved under the cheater strategies of some men. Men who were not able to woo women sometimes would have employed a rapist strategy. Other types of scenarios that our brains are wired to fear upon an initial meeting include violence, thievery, or even death. At this point, you should be getting the idea. When a man approaches a woman she is naturally filled with plenty of apprehension. Today's laws and rules and otherwise cooperative environments make such approaches generally safe, but that doesn't mean that the brain's hardwiring is any less potent. Your job as a man is to make the woman feel comfortable and turn that potential fear response into excitement and exhilaration. You can do this simply by respecting approach distances and angles. Ignore these rules and suffer rejection and risk putting the woman in a state of fear.

A good approach on a woman is the path created by a giant u-shape that initially goes out, and past a woman at a distance, then returns. This puts the man in plain sight of the woman at all times and gives her the opportunity to assess him. The goal of this form of approach is to reduce the likelihood of seeing the man as a threat. A man should always move deliberately and also avoid charging in toward a woman head on. Men by nature are goal-oriented, but this is a time to avoid going at a women like she is prey. Remember, you are not trying to attack her, you are trying to attract her.

When a woman is interested in a man, she will normally approach from behind or from the side, as portrayed here. Scarlett will most likely slowly move to the front and continue the conversation face to face, especially if she likes Dave. A man normally sees a woman that comes straight in as a threat, so prefers to be approached from the side. The more a woman turns to face you, the more interested she is.

Continue reading here: Avoiding Power Plays

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