Have you ever heard the expression that enthusiasm is contagious? This also applies to meeting women. Your enthusiasm need not emulate the phony behavior of a used car salesman. However, being a little excited and upbeat about your life and environment is always helpful. Hopefully, the tape-recording exercises have given you good idea of what you sound like now and what you can sound like with a bit more excitement added in.
I want you to make an effort to be more enthusiastic in your tonality! Be excited about your life, your potential, and your opportunities. You are a man who knows what he wants and is in charge of his environment. If this seems difficult to you, then prepare for it!
Imagine if you were to start weight lifting or long distance running. It'd be a gradual process. You'd constantly add more weights and you'd constantly increase your stamina to run longer distances.
The same concept applies here!
I want you to set aside 20-30 minutes a day where you will be dedicated to being enthusiastic. Just like the runner or the bodybuilder, you can slowly increase that length of time each day. Be committed to this exercise. There is no time to put this off until Christmas or after New Year's Day. This starts tomorrow!
You will do this exercise tomorrow because you know that when you do this, you will have the pleasure of attracting the type of women you desire.
Be dedicated! During these 20-30 minutes a day, nothing disturbs your enthusiasm.
You are dedicated to smiling and being excited about whatever it is that you are doing.
Playfulness, Teasing, Flirting and Sense of Humor:
Let us start with Humor. You always hear the statement: Women like a guy who can make them laugh. I am not certain how humorous you are and I am not sure that I can teach a sense of humor in a book.
My sense of humor always came naturally, but believe it or not, having people laughing out loud at your jokes sometimes can be a detriment. I found this out rather quickly in college when my wit could make both girls and guys laugh but yet, it didn't seem to be as advantageous as I thought it should be. I did not have women crawling all over me because I made them laugh.
Am I saying do not make women laugh? No! If you have a sense of humor, use it. However, you must beware to not become trapped in the frame of "I need to make people laugh at all times to appear cool."
This is a problem that affected me early on. I made people laugh and they liked me. The girls were not attracted to me just because I was funny. Sure, there were a few here and there, but the ones I really liked did not always like me.
From this time forth, if you have a sense of humor, use it, but do not be a clown. Make people laugh when the time is right. It should be done so that they are appreciative of it, not expecting it.
What if you are not funny?
The bad news is that you will not be asked to your local comedy club any time soon, nor do your friends want to hear your jokes.
The good news is that you can learn to be Playful and you can learn to tease. Being playful is an imperative attribute. How do you display playfulness? How do you tease? In essence, playfulness is being childlike. Do you have and nieces or nephews? If not, that's OK. Do you know any kids (regardless of whose they are), who are around the ages of 7 or 8 years old?
How do you talk to a seven-year-old kid? How do you tease them? What sort of tonality do you use? Remember, you don't tell jokes or unleash your vast array of witticisms upon a seven-year-old. You do, however, speak to them in a playful manner combined with lots of smiles and teases.
How do you interact with pets? Watch a pet owner play with his/her pets. Take note of the way he hangs a piece of string in front of the cat and pulls it away to create a playful interaction.
This analogy is not to demean women by comparing them to kids and animals, but rather it's meant to release your playfulness and help you have a conceptual understanding. It's a good way for you to start practicing being playful.
Still not clicking?
I'll share a secret: Watch and learn from women!!!
Women in general are masters of being playful and teasing. Observe a girl who is with a guy she really likes and take in her behavior. What does she playfully say to him? How does she playfully touch him (not in the places you think)?
It might be a slap or a little soft punch to the shoulder or the biceps. Watch this behavior and internalize it. Watch how he might pick on her, and she'll reply with something like, "You're such a jerk, but you're cute " It may be conveyed in the way she calls him a dork in an endearing manner. This is playfulness. Watch women and learn.
Watch the SMILE on her face, the playfulness in her voice tonality. This is monumentally important. (This is why those tonality exercises are so important.) If you say the same thing with a serious face and tone, you may sound like a jackass. A little playfulness and suddenly it becomes cute and endearing. Sometimes, playfulness is just a wicked looking smile. It's fun. It's playful and you CAN do it.
A dash of sarcasm can often serve as being playful. Sarcasm is the gross exaggeration of something and it can be playful, provided that you do it with a smile in an easy going manner. (Note: Sarcasm does need not to insult, belittle, or to condescend people.) Why do I bring up playfulness and teasing as an attribute?
Too many times, (more than I care to remember), I observe guys talking to women with the seriousness and delicateness of a United Nations representative trying to negotiate peace talks between two nations at war. Meanwhile, all they are talking about is a good movie they watched the previous week or what they ate for lunch.
It's not that serious fellas.
Furthermore, do you tend to be sarcastic and enjoy being a smart ass? Good! Why would you stop that behavior because you are talking to a good-looking girl? If you are a smart ass and throw out sarcastic remarks, I want you to continue doing so. Do not change your behavior because you are talking to a beautiful woman.
Lastly, remember, Playful and confident is what you're after. Playful does not insinuate behaving like a clown. Playful is not Ben Stiller's "Focker" character from "Meet the Parents."
It's more like "Maverick" from the movie Top Gun!
Playfulness is also a way of flirting. This creates sexual tension and let's the woman know that there is a sense of sexuality to you. It sets the tone for a sexual vibe. I'll give you a quick excerpt from a conversation I had on a date a while back, where the girl was talking about her new shirt that looked so good on her. She: This shirt looks great on me. I love it
Me: (with an admiring smirk on my face.) Yeah, it'd look even better off of you. The simple statement I made was flirtatious and fun, yet created a bit of sexual tension. It let her know that I appreciated her sexuality. The key is to not dwell on the issue. You are not just some horny guy thirsty for sex. You are a confident guy who appreciates her.
Make a flirtatious comment and move on to some other non-sexual topic. These little flirtatious moments will build sexual tension and they also create good chemistry.
Troubleshooting 1: What if your Playfulness is not working? What if you are being playful and it's not working?
Most likely, this is because you are not congruent. You are saying a playful line but your persona is not playful.
If your persona and behavior are not matching the words coming out of your mouth, it will look incongruent.
It won't become congruent unless you keep doing it until it is internalized. (Becoming more confident in your overall life will help in this endeavor as well.) Observe guys who have beautiful women around them as Playfulness is something you'll have to practice for a while.
Did you give up riding a bike after you fell down the first few times? No!
Nor should you give up now. Have a little fun, start with smiling more.
Smiling will make such a huge difference for you. It will relax you and make you appear not so dry and serious.
Some guys refuse to be playful. They refuse to show a passion and zest for life and living.
These same guys argue with me, saying, "Hey, there are guys who are good with women who are not playful and fun."
What if your persona is just not playful and you have no desire to do so?
Then you had better be damn sure that you are not needy and that you are confident and comfortable in your own skin.
Think of the classic character portrayed by Clint Eastwood in the original "Dirty Harry." There is an example of a guy who is edgy, tough, confident, has big balls, and grit. In fact, there is no telling when he might pull out his 44 magnum to shoot some guy while grinding his teeth as he talks with that distinct flare.
He is not playful, but he is tough as nails and will not tolerate anyone fooling around with him.
(Legal disclaimer: The point of this is not for you to carry a magnum or to shoot people.)
It's that if you make the argument that you don't need a fun enthusiastic vibe, they you had better have be able to exude that confident, edgy and bold aura. Otherwise, do not complain that women don't find you as interesting as the next guy.)
That being said, I'd like to add that "Dirty Harry" is not a model for being a "Ladies man."
Maverick in Top Gun may be arrogant but he is so playful that we like him. Sean Connery in James Bond is very suave and rather playful with women in a different way. There are various archetypes. If you are not playful then, as I said, I hope you can exude the boldness of Clint Eastwood in Dirty Harry.
What you do have to remember: It works for Dirty Harry because that's who he is.
I have seen insecure guys in the game who purposely act like a**holes trying to look bold and confident. The problem? They just appear to be insecure a**holes. A character such as Dirty Harry is not a jerk, nor is he trying to be one. He actually means well and helps the underdog and that is why we are drawn to him. He simply possesses a strong reality; he believes in his ideals and his job.
A recap of what playfulness is not:
• Playfulness is not insulting the other person,
• It is not self-deprecating humor,
• It is not sexual touching or groping, (no grabbing of her breasts or privates)
Continue reading here: Flirting
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