Book and Photography by DYNAMITE Cover by A&M, Box 2926, Kona HI 967-45 Models: Joanna Bardot Lopez, Andrea Rodriguez Tom Horsley, R. Don Steele
Cataloging in Publication Data Main entry under title;
Steele, R, Don
Body Language Secrets: A Guide During Courtship And Dating p. cm. Includes index
1. Courtship and dating
Copyright© 1999, Syndec Ann White. World rights reserved. No part ofthis publication may be stored in a retrieval system, transmitted, or reproduced in any way, including but not limited to photocopy, magnetic, or other record, without the prior agreement and written permission of the copyright owner.
Printed by Patterson
Manufactured in the United States of America First Printing: June 1997
To Joanna Your love transformed me.
Manuscript reviewers who were politically correct, gender-neutralists, protested that the book is written as though it is natural, as well as necessary, for the male to be the initial aggressor during courtship.
Not Guilty! I simply take for granted that most of the time men must get things started. Should this offend you, please be assured that no offense is intended. My approach to explaining courtship does not mean that assertive, 90s women must stand and wait.
Several female reviewers complained that it was slanted toward helping men. Nolo Contendre! I'm a man, often explaining things from a man's viewpoint. No favoritism is intended.
Some English majors objected to awkward wording such as ... he, or she, is lying... as well the grammatically incorrect but politically correct use of they or their when the subject is singular as in Everyone wants to have their [his] cake and eat it too.
Guilty! A person cannot please all other human beings and I tried anyway. Please try to overlook such shortcomings.
A few 50ish reviewers accused me of being an ageist. I assured them, as I assure you, that although I use younger people in many of the explanations and examples of courtship rituals, everything applies to people of all ages.
Finally, several reviewers, fans from previous books, protested that the overall tone is too serious. They are familiar with my style of using personal success and failure stories to enlighten while entertaining. If my final result is still to serious, I am sorry. I did what I thought was effective.
My firm conviction that people everywhere are fun damentally the same is behind everything I have written. Archeological and anthropological evidence that we, the people who live at the dawn of the 21st Century, are essentially the same as the people who lived 15,000 years ago at the dawn of civilization is the foundation of this book. However, most of that factual information is reserved for the Appendix.
Our culture, Western Civilization, has come up with hundreds of things, literally, that men and women must do during courtship, when these things must be done, and how they must be done. However, we must understand that over the last 60 million years, during the rise of mammals, the natural world created us all, evolved us all and armed us all with behaviors, drives and hungers for a single purpose—survival. Why? So that each of us lives long enough to send our DNA into the future. That's what courtship is really all about.
That fact underlies much of what I have written. Once again, no offense intended. As with everything you read, keep the parts that you can use to improve your life, and discard the rest.
One feminist strongly objected to the entire manuscript. "Women should simply walk right up to men they find attractive." I asked if she read what female anthropologists had to say on that topic. Her reply, "I don't agree with them, either!" What can I say? A person cannot please every human being.
One last thing. A few reviewers were put off by my casual writing style and refusal to use 50-cent words. Their comment, "Sure, it's easy to read and understand, but it's not 'professional', people won't take it seriously." I cited Robert Heinlein's advice to writers, "Eschew obfuscation." A couple of them got it. For those who didn't, I offered a slightly modified version of George Bernard Shaw's well-known, "He who can, does. He who cannot, teaches." [And writes books about how to do it]. That had the desired effect.
What's It All About? 1
Lines, Lies Or The Truth 4
What Is Body Language? 21
Signs Of Interest 26
What Is Courtship? 37
Commandments Of Meeting 41
Conversations Without Words 45
Further Conversations Without Words 58
On Shaking Hands 69
Meeting Ms Or Mr Right 72
Reluctance, Resistance And Tests 79
Courtship Tactics For Women 83
Courtship Tactics For Men 89
What To Talk About 100
On Not Being Too Nice 113
Body Language Elaboration 123
Office Politics: The Woman's Guide 133
Updated Helpful Hints 141
How To Date Young Women For Men Over 35 145
Advanced Skills-Volume II 152
Threesome: Make Your Fantasy Come True 159
How To Dump Your Wife 161
Steel Balls Press 162
FREE Newsletter Men Of Steel Balls 167
Brain Wiring 174
Abnormal Happens 175
Sex Is Number Four 176
A simple, but deeply felt thank you to Nathaniel Branden. You saved my life in 1972. By 1975, with your guidance and insistence, I had learned the fundamentals of how to live, truly live, that life you saved. Without you, none of this, or any of my fully, alive, joyous journey of discovery through life, would have been possible.
As always, to my daughter, Syndee, thanks for just being you! By doing so, my journey has substance and meaning.
To Joanna, my wife, thanks for enduring what a writer must do as this book slowly came together across time, distance, heartbreak and happiness.
Thanks to all the acquaintances, colleagues and friends who gave me what a writer needs most, negative, constructive feedback. As you remember, after five years, I could not see the forest for the trees.
And finally, to the nameless Disco Dick at Bobby McGee's, Fullerton, California in the summer of 1982, thank you for erasing my final sliver of doubt about the validity of body language.
Don's first job was in 1952, age 12. In the heart of Appa-lachia, he was the Saturday telephone operator in his home town of Shippenville, Pennsylvania, population 258. He earned ten cents an hour. At 16, he worked as an em-balmer's assistant for the summer. The next summer, he was an oiler of strip mining equipment, a muddy, cold, dreary, dangerous task. Those two jobs convinced him to get an education.
He attended Clarion State, Penn State, USC and Cal State Fullerton to earn a BA in Philosophy and Cal State Northridge for his MA in Psychology, He interned with Nathaniel Branden at the Biocentric Institute in Beverly Hills. After becoming a Marriage, Family and Child Counselor in 1976, he worked with Branden and was in private practice. He began writing professionally in 1984,
Additionally, Don has worked for more than 20 aerospace, defense and engineering companies as well as the Republican National Committee and many political campaigns.
Beyond writing, other passions include a deep, abiding hatred for bureaucrats, poverty pimps and nearly all politicians; a lifelong devotion to anthropology, philosophy; astronomy and cosmology plus a long-term love affair with Hawaii, consummated in 1996.
He and his wife Joanna live on the Big Island with their turtle, Shelby and rabbit, Peaches.
We must, however, acknowledge, as it seems to me, that man, with all his noble qualities, with sympathy which feels for the most debased, with benevolence which extends not only to other men but to the humblest living creatures, with his God-like intellect which has penetrated into the movements and constitution of the solar system, with all these exalted powers, man still bears within his bodily frame the indelible stamp of his lowly origins.
Better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.
(LORD) ALFRED TENNYSON
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