What Is Body Language

The Body Language Project

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For those who have difficulty believing in body language, here's one way to look at it.

You are on vacation in Moscow. Upon returning to your room, a wild-eyed, pistol wielding man confronts you. He slams the door and snarls something in Russian. As he cocks the gun and points it at your head, would you reach for your English-Russian dictionary?

To a gun toting mugger who speaks English, most of us would use body language and words to neutralize the threat. Body language? Yes! Raise your hands. Look as powerless and non-threatening as possible, In a pleading, helpless voice say, "Take my money. Please don't shoot. I have two kids at home." A LANGUAGE WE ALL SPEAK

The natural experts on body language are pets and kids. My cat knows when I'm angry with her, when I'm indifferent and when I'm ready to feed her. A child knows when Mommy's happy and when Daddy's lying.

Cats have never read a body language book, and neither have kids, yet they know exactly what we

(you, me, everyone) are feeling. As we are "educated" by our culture we lose our innate ability to read and speak body language.

Everything is body language—tone of voice, clearing our throats, rubbing our eyes, crossing our arms, tapping our toes, touching our nose—everything except the words we say.

Your eye contact, or lack of eye contact, communicates. Your pauses communicate. Your crossed legs communicate. Your open hands communicate. Your aroma communicates.

In particular, your appearance communicates: hair style, type of eye glasses, accessories, tattoos and your overall choice of attire.

How you are dressed is a major part of the message you send, but, it is an even larger part of how your listeners receive it. The way you are dressed dictates how others respond to you.

Clothes are a tool you use to control how others react to you and how they treat you.

JOHN MOLLOY. DRESS FOR SUCCESS

You, cannot not communicate. No matter what you do, or don't do, you broadcast your emotional state. Even if you put on a poker face and sit perfectly still, you loudly announce, "I'm trying to hide what I'm feeling."

Each of us reveals our emotional state with nonverbal signals. During courtship, and later in a romantic relationship, knowing what the other person is feeling helps you behave appropriately. But, to know what that person is experiencing, you must attack the environment with your eyes, ears and, yes, your intuition.

WOMEN ARE BETTER THAN MEN

Women's renown intuition arises from the way biology and evolution "wired" female brains. The con nection between the left half and the right half of the female brain is much larger in women than men.

Thus, women can process and integrate rational information from the left half of their brains with sensory and emotional information from the right half and know something accurately without concrete evidence. That's intuition.

A woman's guess is much more accurate than a man s certainty.

RUDYARD KIPLING

The larger connection also is the source of their ability to discern extremely subtle changes in patterns. The difference in ability between the sexes is scientifically verifiable from the age of two! NOTE 1

Attention women! During courtship and dating, use your intuition. Validate and vindicate your intuition by using what you learn from this book. SOCIAL INTERCOURSE FUNDAMENTALS

Although a few of these were part of the introduction, take some time to think about the implications of these facts. In other words, based on this data, what will you do during the next few courtship conversations that you have never done before? Take your time. This information can, and will, change your social life, forever!

• People form 90 percent of their opinion about you in the first 90 seconds.

• Communication is 60 percent nonverbal and 40 percent verbal. Of the verbal portion, only 10 percent is accomplished by the words themselves! The other 30 percent is done by how the words are spoken, inflection and tone of voice.

• The nonverbal portion of communication is accomplished by eye contact, posture, gestures, position relative to the listener and the attire of the speaker. But that is not the most significant fact. Here it is—nonverbal signals have five times the impact of verbal signals.

• Information that is retained was received by the brain as follows: 85 percent by the eyes, 10 percent by the ears and 5 percent by touch, taste and smell.

• When the verbal and the nonverbal parts of the message are congruent, the listener believes the message. If they are incongruent, usually the speaker's words are saying yes, but his body is saying no.

One thing to do is always dress for success as explained two pages ago. How you are dressed gets everything started off on the right, or wrong foot. Yes, I believe that repetition is the key to learning.

Body Language Anecdote-Televised Liars As the Watergate hearings were taking place in 1973, I was completing my 3000 hour internship as a Marriage, Family and Child Counselor with Nathaniel Branden. Part of my responsibilities included learning, then teaching body language to fellow interns.

Some afternoons we'd watch the televised testimony with sorrow and dread as our country's President was slowly, but steadily revealed as a crook. I kept telling everyone John Mitchell, the Attorney General, was lying on the witness stand. But nobody believed, rather, wanted to believe, that America's chief law enforcement officer would lie to the United States Senate. No matter, I could feel it, as corny as it sounds, deep in my bones.

One day, someone turned the volume down on the television to answer the phone. We kept watching the silent screen. With the sound off, we were all able to notice that time after time, Mitchell would touch his mouth or eye when responding, or close his eyes while, or just as he finished, speaking. After he did that about three times, the entire group, especially me, screamed, "He's lying! He's lying!"

Nixon avoided impeachment by resigning, but Mitchell and many others went to prison.

Practice what you're learning. Spot liars on television. But, it's not as easy nowadays, because jury consultants who work for the defense as well as the prosecution, coach, teach and rehearse witnesses to keep their hands away from their face while on the stand. However, if the witness can be put under enough pressure, he will lose control and touch himself somewhere above the neck when he's lying.

On newscasts, see if you can catch liars. The easiest to nail are people who are not usually spokespersons, thus they have not been trained how to appear sincere and truthful. These include newly elected politicians, recently appointed bureaucrats, street cops and grandstanding eye witnesses Turn off the sound and refine your skills. Practice makes perfect. Practice!

As Signs Of Interest, the next chapter, are sent and received during the early stages of courtship, then later when dating, heed this timeless wisdom and advice no matter how trite it may sound:

Actions speak louder than words.

Believe what people do, not what they say.

NOTE 1

Many "radical" thinkers (I am one of them) believe that the physical and chemical differences between male and female brains, as well as body differences, explain most, if not all, gender-specific talents and capabilities. We also believe that these differences explain why women view courtship and relationships from an entirely different universe than men. See BRAIN WIRING in the Appendix.

Believe only half of what you see and none of what you hear. UNKNOWNWISEPERSON

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Micro Expression Master

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  • felicita
    What is courtship language?
    4 months ago

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