In This Chapter
You've lost your job You've lost your housing You've lost a friend You've lost a parent You've lost your dog You're lost You're married You're still involved You're separated
You've been divorced less than a year
7he purpose of this list is to let you know when not to begin dating. The following is a list of ten minefields that are terribly dangerous when you're thinking about dating. Anybody in his or her right mind has enough sense to steer clear of minefields.
Freud said that humans need two things: work and love. The connection between feeling appreciated and valued for how we behave is obvious, but in the long run, finding a job is usually a lot easier than finding love, so don't decide, "Well, because I've just lost my job, wow, more time to date!" or "I can lose myself in someone's arms and let him (or her) keep me happy (or pay the bills or divert me)."
Focus on first things first: Use your time and energy to stabilize yourself and focus on getting a new job. Although dating and getting a job do have a surprisingly lot in common, money issues aside, losing a job is a confidence buster, and dating works best when both of you are stable and confident and happy.
If you're already in a dating situation and any of the scenarios in this chapter apply to you, things may get a bit sticky. Just knowing that — and being able to tell your date what's going on and why — may save you some pain. Sometimes, being honest and taking a break from dating makes more sense.
You can say, "Look, I really like you, but I have some stuff going on here that I need to sort out, and I really don't want to inflict it on you," to which there are several possible responses:
Smart souls will say, "Okay, I understand. Call me when you're ready."
Really smart souls may say, "If it's okay, I'd like to check in on you by phone every once in a while."
A sweet but somewhat misguided soul may say, "Feel free to call if talking would help." (Keep in mind, though, that recovering from this kind of unilateral soul searching is really difficult: This kind of conversation can either bring you closer or embarrass the daylights out of either or both of you.)
A sweet, misguided, masochistic soul may say, "Oh, don't worry about it. I'll be here for you," having no idea what the person really may need — because the unhappy soul probably doesn't even know at that moment.
Be careful about trying to play shrink. If anybody knows the pitfalls, it is I, your cheerful author.
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Online dating is not all fun and games and there are a lot of things that a person has to know about online dating before one gets into the intricacies of it. Online dating may seem to be the simplest thing in the world but it is not. It should be viewed in all earnestness or things could go haywire. Every game has its rules and unless you know all the rules you just cant become a good player and eventually a winner.