If you break The Rules, will he still marry you?
Women are always asking us this question. They do The Rules for a month or two and then stop. He still hasn't said "I love you," much less proposed; yet; these women are now asking him out, bringing up marriage, and in some cases cleaning and decorating his apartment. They don't realize that The Rules way is not a hobby, but a religion. We keep doing The Rules until the ring is on our finger!
Let's take the case of our good friend, Candy. We told her about The Rules and she admitted she pursued men and they never proposed. She finally became willing to do everything we suggested for the first month or so of dating a hard catch named Barry. The Rules worked so well for Candy that after two months Barry took her to Jamaica for a week. That's when Candy went back to her old ways, ignoring our suggestions. She didn't think she had to do them anymore!
During their vacation, Candy asked for assurances about their future and acted more amorously than he did by leaving love poetry on his pillow and initiating sex. When they returned to New York and continued dating, she suggested they get together during the week as well as on weekends. Whenever he kissed her good night, she suggested they have sex or rent a movie or do some other thing to prolong their time together. He finally told her, "I love you, but I'm not in love with you. It's really strange because in the beginning there was something about you I had to get to know, but then it changed for me." Sure, all that love poetry!
Candy had the strength to end the relationship shortly after he told her he didn't love her and didn't want to marry her. Men don't lie! When they say they are not in love, they mean it. They are giving you a hint to break it off and look elsewhere which most women don't heed. More often than not a woman will stay put, wasting precious time and hoping against hope that a man will change his mind. Have you ever gone through this? Aren't you tired of the pain? After
Candy and Barry finally broke up, she never broke The Rules again. We are happy to report that she recently got married by doing The Rules as they are written, which should give all women hope, as many women break The Rules before they finally do them!
Rules girls don't hang around where they are not wanted. They don't try to revive a love gone sour. If you've broken The Rules to the point where he's convinced he's out of love with you, don't stick around hoping for a second chance. Remember, sometimes distance and time can make a man realize he's made the biggest mistake of his life. He can always call you— he has your phone number! Your part is to move on. Better that you do The Rules perfectly in your next relationship than to hang around, tolerating the loveless feelings of your current flame. So the answer to the question, "Will he still marry me if I break The Rulesf is, sorry to say, "Maybe yes, but most likely, no." So why take a chance?
That's why we strongly suggest that you don't break The Rules at all. Of course you might make mistakes as you practice them. If you have chased men your whole life, you can consider it progress if you stop writing men love letters but call them once in a while. However, we believe in striving for perfection. When you do The Rules perfectly, you don't have to worry about second chances because he won't fall out of love with you. When you break The Rules, you automatically take away the pleasure men get from pursuing you, and they end up resenting you for it. Then they treat you badly and you're left wondering if it was something you said, did, didn't say, or didn't do that caused the problem. The answer is simple: you broke The Rules.
Prepare yourself for the fact that you will usually want to break The Rules after you have been dating someone for a couple of months. You may feel that the relationship is slowing down or going nowhere. He starts calling less often or still hasn't brought up marriage. Your girlfriends are planning the wedding and you still haven't met his parents. You feel anxious. Naturally, you want to shake things up or move things along. You are tempted to send him heavy-handed greeting cards from the "relationship" section of the card store or a love letter telling him how much you care about him to bring him closer to you. Without his permission, you want to throw out his old leather jacket and buy him a new one. You act as if you are his wife and feel entitled—after all, he sees you every weekend and bought you flowers twice. You may even decide to try to patch things up between him and his dad, who haven't spoken for a while. Let's face it, you are out of control!
Persist in this kind of behavior only if you want to destroy any chance of his proposing! The Rules action to take when things slow down is more of the same: reread how to behave on the first few dates (see Rules #9 and #10). Just hang out, trust in the process, be patient, don't nag him, and don't make anything happen. If you still feel frustrated after a few weeks, then get moving yours el fl Rent that summer share with your girlfriend rather than waiting for him to suggest plans, or sign up for tennis lessons with that new instructor at your health club. Don't hone in on the man you are dating—he will feel smothered, not loved. Move away, get busy and elusive and he will either miss you or not. Best to find out now rather than later if he can live without you.
There are many ways to break The Rules in the early stages of a relationship. Here's another example:
After dating Ken for a month, Nicole decided to discard The Rules, which she had followed faithfully on the first four dates, and do what she felt like doing. If Ken was going to be her husband and father her children one day, she reasoned, why shouldn't she show him her true self? (Have you ever thought like Nicole?) So, for his birthday, she planned a big surprise party, partly as a ploy to meet his family and friends.
Not a weekend went by that Nicole's feelings didn't get the best of her. Once when they passed a playground, she suggested that they ride on the seesaw and swing on the swings, hoping to make him think about children. Ken found her behavior obvious and boring. The relationship went downhill from there. Nicole suggested couples therapy. He decided to break up with her and find someone else to date.
The lesson here is simple: don't break The Rules.
Don't make him a birthday party or give him an expensive gift, don't mention children, don't patch things up with his family, don't ask him out; and try not to call him very often. Basically, don't push yourself into his life or you won't be his wife!
When we pursue a man, a bell goes off in his head. The challenge is over, and his feelings start to fade. Suddenly, the romance turns to mud. Whatever he found adorable about you, he finds annoying. You're no longer his dream girl. It's as if you picked up the check or opened the door for him. You've taken his job away, you've done him a disservice.
So when you think that not calling him and other Rules are rude and hurtful, remember you are in fact helping him want you more. The Rules are actually gpod for him. So don't go by your feelings, just do The Rules.
The good news is that when a man is in love with you, he is not afraid to make a fool of himself by calling you five times in one day to tell you little, stupid things. (Yes, he can call you five times a day, but you can't or he'll think you're crazy!) You don't need to call him five times a day because when you do The Rules you have peace of mind. You don't need to call him for reassurance about the relationship because you're secure. And you don't have to stay up until 2 A.M. making excuses about why he hasn't called in two weeks because when you do The Rules he calls every week, sometimes every day!
Rules girls don't fret too much. They do The Rules and, in return, men give them that secure, snug feeling of being loved and being asked out for Saturday night early in the week or, better yet, at the end of their last
Now we all know women who broke The Rules and got married anyway. We know one Rule breaker who is always initiating intimacy with her husband. He says he loves her, but he never pinches her bottom in the kitchen and would rather watch the 11 o'clock news alone in his reclining chair than cuddle in bed with his wife.
So if you break The Rules, at least muster the courage to end the relationship when he says he is not in love and it's over. It will save you a lot of time. It's a spiritual axiom that when you feel someone slipping away, let the person go. Don't try to find out why he doesn't love you or what you could have done better. That's begging and, frankly, it's beneath a Rules girl to do. Be firm when it's over, knowing that you'll be able to break down and cry with your girlfriends later.
Even if you think you could have done The Rules better, don't blame yourself. Just love yourself and do them better the next time. Don't call him, don't talk to his friends about it, don't try to be buddies. It's over. Next! The relationship was not meant to be. There is somebody better out there for you. In the meantime lining up a few dates is the best thing to do (and the best revenge).
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