To live together or not to live together? Is that a question you're grappling with now? Your friends (not knowing The Rules) might say, "Do it." Your parents (being conservative) will no doubt say, "No." The Rules answer is: "Move in only if you've set a wedding date." In other words, the only reason to live with someone is if you're planning the wedding and you don't want to pay two
Contrary to popular belief, living together is not a trial period for him to see how he feels about you. He either loves you or he doesn't; and playing house and cooking him a lot of breakfasts won't change a thing. In fact; sometimes the best way for him to see how he feels about you is to not see you at all. You may have to dump him if he can't commit. If he really loves you, he'll beg you to come back. If he doesn't, you've lost nothing, saved time
Women who think that commitment will come after they shack up often learn the hard way that this is not the case. Of course by the time the lesson is learned, their self-esteem is shattered and they're two or three or four years older. Does this scenario sound familiar? After dating Mitch for a year and a half, Wendy wanted a ring. Mitch wouldn't budge. They decided to live together to see if they could "work it out" (his idea and word choice). Nothing changed. When he went away on business trips he didn't call or think about her that much. Nine months and a lot of wasted time later, he was still not in love and so he moved out. Wendy attributed the breakup to his parents' messy divorce, which he was working out in therapy. The truth is, she should have just ended it sooner when he wouldn't commit.
If you operate under the delusion that living together without a real commitment will somehow bring you closer together, you should know that many women tell us that their husbands proposed after they moved away from, not toward, the relationship. One woman booked a trip to Club Med with a girlfriend after dating her boyfriend for a year, another started getting very busy and unavailable on weekends, and a third talked about taking a job in another city. Then, their husbands proposed.
Remember, men don't necessarily propose when you're cuddled up on the couch watching a rented video, but do so when they're afraid of losing you. In Love Story—& movie you should study like the Bible—Oliver proposes to Jenny (a Rules girl, if there ever was one) after she says she's planning to take a scholarship in France and after suggesting that their opposite (rich/poor) backgrounds would not mix well. Jenny wasn't grateful or loving at that moment—she almost broke off their relationship. (You don't have to go that far!) But be a little distant and difficult. The unobtainable is always more exciting, men very often want something more just because they can't have it.
If you are following The Rules (particularly Rule #13: Don't See Him More than Once or Twice a Week), you can't possibly live with him, by design or by accident. Women who tell us that they moved in with a man accidentally, as a result of spending long weekends with him, obviously broke a few rules along the way. You stay over a lot and one thing leads to another. First you get a drawer, then a shelf, and then a closet of your own. Before you or he realize it, you're having your mail delivered to his apartment and your friends are leaving messages on his tape machine.
Needless to say, this should not be happening. If you are doing The Rules, you never need a closet full of clothes and accessories at his place. Don't leave your toothbrush or bathrobe there. He should be begging you to leave things in his apartment and going out of his way to make shelf space. This invasion of space should not come from you. You are independent; you are not a crasher, you are always ending the evening (or the morning) first. (Besides, the less he sees of some of your less glamorous habits, like the way you floss your teeth or the sound you make when you slurp your coffee, the better.)
Is there any reason to live with a man if you haven't set a wedding date? Yes, and that's when he wants to and you don't! He's crazy about you and you're not so sure about him. In this case, he's taking the risk, not you. Still, proceed with caution. Living with him may prevent you from dating others and meeting someone you're crazy about;
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