When« it okay to have sex? The Rule depends on your age and personal feelings. If you're eighteen and a virgin, you will want to wait until you are in a committed relationship. If you're thirty-nine, waiting a month or two can be fine. Of course, if you feel strongly against premarital sex, you should wait until you're married. If he loves you, he'll respect whatever decision you make.
But don't be surprised if the man you're dating gets very angry when you kiss him good night in the lobby at the end of your second date rather than invite him up to your apartment for a drink. He has probably been spoiled by other women who slept with him on the first or second date and now he feels he's being denied this pleasure. But don't worry. Anger indicates interest, and you might be surprised, for he will probably call you again!
But what if you like sex a lot too, and denying yourself is just as hard as denying him? Does that mean you can sleep with him on the first or second date? Unfortunately, the answer is still no. You will just have to exercise a bit of self-restraint and character building here and trust that if you hold off for a few weeks or months, you won't be sorry. Why risk having him call you easy (and think of you that way) when he's talking to his buddies in the locker room the next day? Better that he be angry and strategizing ways of seducing you on the next date than moving onto the next girl. Making him wait will only increase his desire and create more passion when you finally have sex whenever you're ready.
We know it can be excruciating to put sex off with someone you're attracted to, but you must think long term here. If you play your cards right; you can have sex with him every night for the rest of your life when you're married!
Now you might argue that you don't mind having sex with him on the first or second date and taking your chances, that it's okay with you if he doesn't call again because you're both grown-ups and you can take your lumps. We know from experience of course that most girls who say this are lying to themselves. Deep down inside it's not okay with a woman if she sleeps with a man and he doesn't call. Every woman wants the man she just slept with to call her, that is, if she really likes him—and hopefully she likes the man she's sleeping with. Every woman we know who said it was okay if a man didn't call after sex was actually not okay when he didn't call. When you sleep with him on the second date, you don't really know if he's going to be a gentleman or a creep. Rules girls don't take risks. We wait until we're sure before having
Let's say that now, hopefully, you've held off for a while and are ready to have sex with him. What Rules should you follow in bed? First and foremost; stay emotionally cool no matter how hot the sex gets. The fact is, most women turn men off not only because they sleep with them too soon, but because they talk too much about it in bed. They try to exploit the physical closeness of sex to gain emotional closeness, security, and assurances about the future. The theories of Masters and Johnson (who are now divorced) are not to be ignored, but please wait a good amount of time before you begin holding lengthy seminars about your needs during sex or after sex. Don't be a drill sergeant; demanding that he do this or that. You have to trust that if you relax and let him explore your body like unchartered territory you will have fun and be satisfied. Being with you in bed should not be difficult or demanding. Don't bring anything—red lightbulbs, scented candles, or X-rated videos—to enhance your sexual experience. If you have to use these things to get him excited, something's wrong. He should be excited about just sleeping with you.
While you're snuggling in bed after great sex is not the time to say, "So, do you want me to make room in the closet for your clothes?" or "I put a toothbrush in the bathroom for you." Don't bring up marriage, kids, or your future together, not in bed (or out). Remember, these are your needs you are concerned about filling, and The Rules are a selfless way of living and handling a relationship. Men merely want to lie down next to someone they care about when they are feeling strong emotions. Women are more curious, wanting to know, "Now that we've slept together, where is this relationship going?" or "What is the meaning of what we've just done?" While all these thoughts are whirling through your head and your desire to own this man is mounting from minute to minut^ try to relax and think about nothing.
Don't cling to him if he has to leave that night or the following morning. Be casual and unmoved about the fact that the date is over. With that attitude, chances are he will be the one hanging on. Don't try to keep him there longer by suggesting brunch or sweet rolls and coffee in bed. If you do, he'll probably run to the nearest coffee shop for breakfast. Instead, go quietly about your business—brush your hair and your teeth, do some sit-ups and stretches, brew coffee—and chances are he'll start massaging your shoulders and suggesting morning sex or a great brunch place.
It's only fair that if you're dating a man for a month or two and don't plan to sleep with him for a while to let him know. Otherwise you're being a tease. On the other hand, what if you're more into sex than he is? The Rules answer is, if you don't want to feel insecure then don't initiate sex. After you're in a committed relationship, when you know he is crazy about you, you can occasionally and playfully make an overture.
Last but not least; whenever you do have sex, always use a condom. Don't cave in when a man says, "Just this once." Remember, you're a Rules girl and you take good care of yourself.
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