Dont Ignore Reality It Has Teeth

Seven Minute Mindfulness

Five Steps to Mindfulness

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You guys have heard me tell you many times that the most damaging thing you can do to yourself is to deny the Reality you encounter.

What do I mean by this?

Well, it's a commonly heard concept in Eastern Philosophies that all of life's suffering is attributable to the desire for things to be other than the way they really are.

The gap between you and your happiness is always the distance between Reality and your wish to make it different than it actually is.

© 2003 - Carlos Xuma - DD Publications - All Rights Reserved -

I don't always think this is suffering, though, since we need a certain amount of structured discontent in our lives to strive for more. It's been said that the human existence is nothing more than the search for more, better, or different.

In the world of women, dating, and seduction, your Reality is defined by the results you get.

I always hear guys talk about what happens on their interactions with women, and it's often brutally clear that they're not being honest with themselves. (And let's be clear that I believe ALL fears men have about women boil down to one thing -- fear of rejection.)

One guy said, "I gave her my phone number, and she said she'd call me this week."

There are many realities ignored in this one:

1) Why didn't you get HER phone number? Why aren't you the one in the position of power over the situation by having taken the lead?

2) Why did you give her your phone number? Because you were crappy-happy with the consolation prize women throw out if they haven't been challenged into giving you their phone number?

3) She said she'd call you, huh? When was the last time you gave your number to a woman and she actually called you? (And not out of guilt.)

There's a term I'd like to introduce you to, and it's a pretty important one if you add it to your empowerment vocabulary. (Geez, I feel like I'm channeling Tony Robbins here... )

The term is: LACUNA.

A lacuna is a mental blind spot. It's a defensive mental gap in your awareness. Lacunas divert your attention from subjective areas of reality.

I'm sure you've experienced this to various degrees in other areas of your life. Have you ever tried to remember something particularly traumatic from your childhood, such as the death of a pet, or a bad fall off your bike. True that the event itself may be in

© 2003 - Carlos Xuma - DD Publications - All Rights Reserved -

your memory, but not much about the details usually pop up on their own unless you force yourself to think back and recall them.

This is one of the mental defense mechanisms that you (unconsciously) use to protect yourself.

This is the way your mind helps you deal with threats. It's a necessary part of your inner workings.

Where you run into problems is when you start choosing to overlook these perceived threats when it doesn't serve you.

I'm proposing that you are probably creating these lacunas - blind spots in your awareness - mostly from habit.

After all, it's a lot easier to ignore rejection and mistakes in your interactions with women than it is to face them and correct them. We men do this all the time. Sometimes it's out of pride - and that's the most lethal of all rationalizations to use.

"No, sorry, I don't think I want to come back to your place," she says as she walks away.

He thinks: "Huh. What's up with her? Must be a lesbian."

Don't let your knee-jerk reaction be the illusion that has been pulled over your eyes to blind you from the truth. (Did you like that? I stole it from The Matrix... Cool, huh?)

She's not a lesbian, dude. You just want to shift the responsibility away from yourself because her lack of interest is something you perceive as a threat to you. It's easier to block the fear of her perceived rejection this way.

What you have to be willing to ask is: What didn't you do up front to get her interested enough to go with you?

Another question inevitably comes up: If you block these things out -- how do you know what you don't see?

The answer to that lies in your willingness to look at what you experience when you don't succeed where you expect with women. If you get turned down when you ask for the phone number (which should be next to never if you have the e-book) what do you feel?

Yes, I know. I'm asking you to venture into that dangerous territory of FEELINGS here for a minute, but I think it's a worthy exploration. I won't ask you to spend the day here, just long enough to get some perspective. (If you spend too long in this place, you start turning into a wimpy she-male in a New York minute.)

© 2003 - Carlos Xuma - DD Publications - All Rights Reserved -

What do you feel when you're rejected or turned down?

- Do you feel insecure?

- Do you feel threatened?

- Do you feel pissed off?

- Frustrated?

And then you should ask yourself the BIG question, the one that so few guys ever ask.

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