Tip 17 Assume rapport

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As in assume there is already a rapport.

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This is achieved in a pretty straight up way as of course you want her to feel similarity with you being someone she is in rapport with.

The basic way and theory is to be non-threatening. Not in a sexual way but in a rapport based way.

So the "hover" before the approach, or to walk up in her general area, and pretend to notice something near her and pay quick attention to it, is a great first gesture.

For her then to give you eye contact or look at you and you then look at her and get eye contact back and THEN start the initial conversation is golden. To abruptly burst in to her space and begin speaking to her is a major cause of withdrawal and/or fear.

The intuition of this built in to people socially is VERY strong, this is why many, many people only meet mates in the workplace or socially, as this dynamic is taken out of play I theorize. With strangers it is basic first fact.

Not being in the field much or having built an intuition for this may make it SEEM a particular instance or an isolated technique.

But it really is a basic first fact that you should be spared from learning and will enhance your success right away making things go a little smoother.

Basic first fact 2 of dealing with fear as well as in rapport.

Another tip of sorts.

Assume rapport is already there with her.

You will do the "hover" then ask a few questions of neutral nature.

You do not want to assume rapport too quickly as this may confuse her, so a few light questions of perhaps: if she is from the area, what her area was like, then introduction of yourself and getting her name, basic things asked and received.

You then will see the first indicator of her interest in you, her asking you a question back, or maybe laughing at something that isn't very funny.

THIS is when you begin to assume rapport.

Based on congruence "assuming rapport" is a basic first fact in and inside of rapport. How you talk to your friends, family, lovers and co-workers, the people you know is FAR different than how you talk to someone you don't know.

The key, the "trick" if you want to call it that is to use the power of similarity to achieve a rapport faster quelling fears of you being someone who may hurt her. You want her at internal levels and dynamic of the situation to see you as someone she knows already.

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She KNOWS she doesn't, but will feel more comfortable rather than fearful if you see and make the differences go away.

What are the key differences of how you talk to a stranger and how you talk to a known person?

Absolute dead center first is you have PRACTICED all your life talking to people you know. SO you must practice, practice, practice talking to women you do not know in order to achieve this same effect at internal levels we don't even understand.

Second, you are RELAXED.

You do not feel you need to prove anything, or that they will walk away and take something you want out of reach, so you are relaxed rather than probing and "fast" in the encounter when it's a "known" vs. a stranger you want something from.

Again practice, practice, practice will relax you, and this tip will help with it as well.

Only approach stationary women, women in one spot, not on the move at a brisk pace. This is very much more calm and relaxed of a dynamic, as well as allows for "the hover" to be used and at an internal level gets rid of any "she's taking away what I want" factor that may make you too stressed to assume rapport or create a comfortable environment.

Watch a GREAT car salesman as he uses both to quell fears.

He waits for the person to fix themselves on a car looking at it (form of the hover at basic levels) and then approaches without a hint of desperation. He does not assume or achieve total rapport however, you can with a woman, as women WANNA get f***** by you and know basically that's what you are there to do.

Car buyers do not wanna get "f*****" in the wallet and know that's what he's there for. Still this salesman sets a better dynamic and tone.

What does shitty car salesman do?

Well first he puts a guy in a chicken suit out front with a bullhorn looking very desperate. He then as you drive in to the lot gets in your window and in an anxious manner attempts to befriend you.

Think hippy or stoner here, not manic defense attorney.

Finally what do you usually do at a verbal level with strangers you are not in rapport with, that you don't do with "knowns"?

You ask tons of questions about her and volunteer tons of information about you. When with "knowns", you discuss the environment, the things around you or activity you are engaged in.

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You talk about happenings or people you both know.

You can do the same with her in the form of celebrities, music, movies and TV you both watch.

Do not volunteer what you watch or listen to or have seen, ask her what she watches, listens to or has seen for a better conversation to erupt out of these things that will lead to rapport being assumed.

Basic structure to quell fears of hers.


"Hi", "hello", "what's up" or "hey" when she sees you...

Questioning of her begins. Introductions are made in between 1st and 2nd or 3rd questions.

Questioning of her stops when you see an indicator of first comfort.

Environmental talk begins, something in the environment as your conversation piece.

Engage probe of current events, celebrities she has seen on TV, TV she has watched, movies she has seen or music she likes. Carry on conversation.

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  • FNAN
    How do you assume rapport?
    7 years ago

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