Tip 19 Get your timing right

When dating successfully, getting your timing right is one of the single most important factors.

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Timing in respect to the best time to ask a girl out, with respect to what night to ask her out first and even with respect to when in your lives you actually meet at all.

Looking back on my life so far I realize that when relationships didn't work out, it wasn't because the girls I dated were wrong for me. Most often it was because we simply met at the wrong time in our lives.

To meet a great girl who wants to get married to you when you are aged 22 may just be wrong timing. Meeting a fantastic lady when you are working abroad or on a short contract in a different location may be bad timing and meeting someone who wants children when you are not yet ready is again bad timing. It cannot be helped and often it is a sad truth in life.

The people we would have matured with best are often the ones we encountered just at the wrong moment in time. One cannot go back and one cannot rekindle something lost in time, so we have to accept that bad timing does happen with all of us.

The next time we face timing issues is when asking a girl out at just the wrong moment. We are attracted to someone and take the initiative or opportunity, only to discover that she got married three weeks earlier or that she has just broken up with someone and is not yet ready for a new relationship.

Maybe there has been a family crisis and the girl you are interested in is not predisposed for a romantic encounter. Three times in my life I have met great girls just as they (or I) were relocating to a new city!

On top of this if you add illness and many other factors, there are plenty of opportunities for getting your timing wrong and invariably this is not your fault.

Just a fact of life.

If someone accepts your proposal of a date then you can control the timing somewhat better. Your basic instinct is to go for a weekend because you won't need to go to work the following day and so can stay out later.

Often there are more social events to go to at a weekend and more restaurants open and with better atmosphere.

Clubs, bars and discos are all far more attractive at a weekend and offer many more possibilities of dating. Yet this may be a good example of bad timing.

When dating you may want to think about the attractiveness of a week night which can work to your benefit. Weekends are often the only real free time people have got and many now plan their weekends well in advance.

I do not like being diarized but again it is a fact of life in the early stages of dating. However a week next Saturday for a date takes away some of the glamour I admit.

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Weekdays are fairly dull affairs in comparison and many are taken up with hobbies or simply commuting. They are also far less formal than a weekend and a first date on a weeknight can be seen as far more relaxed and informal.

Also, week nights are not late night affairs and an unsuccessful date can be gently brought to an end. So dinner after work may be a good thing after all. Also bear in mind that week nights can be dull and so a sparkling evening with you will do you and them no harm at all.

In fact you are not competing with some other glamorous event the girl could have attended instead of being with you, so you are far less likely to face that troublesome contrast.

Dating midweek also opens up the possibilities of more dates in a shorter amount of time and successful dates can quickly become longer prolonged weekend dates shortly afterwards.

You can do a great deal to help yourself with disappointment when a girl says no to you.

Be flexible in your arrangements.

Always offer a girl a choice of dates and locations and understand when she has reasons for doing other things. All too often when someone says no you automatically assume you are being given an excuse and that the truth lies elsewhere.

You assume too much.

Let her know that you are interested in her and that when things are better for her in her diary, that you can make some arrangements. Always stress that you are busy too and this will add to your overall appeal.

Remember that you too must never be too available otherwise it comes across that you are uninteresting, or even worse, desperate. We have all heard the fabled excuse "I can't, I'm washing my hair tonight." That could be true.

On the other hand, lame excuses are just that, lame. They are meant to warn you off and persistence may be a good trait but it doesn't often win the girl. Interest factor is at play there and when a woman makes to many lame excuses it shows her interest factor is low.

If she was very interested, believe me she will move heaven and earth to meet you.

Therefore it is essential that you get your timing right and ask a girl out when there is the greatest chance she will say yes.

That does not mean you should prey on her when she is at her lowest ebb. When a girl says no and means it, you will know it.

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Coming on to her after that and you become a menace so simply move in. It is a numbers game my friend.

If you are in a nightclub, timing again plays its part.

Asking a girl to dance when she has just met up with a huge group of friends will receive a negative response even if she likes the look of you. On the other hand, intercepting her at the bar whilst her friend is in the bathroom may well prove perfect.

Try reading the signals of the situation in a positive way. Asking a girl to dance at 1am as the club is about to play the last song will usually get you nowhere unless both she and you are desperate. And what basis is that or successful dating?

So, whilst being flexible and semi available, know your subject in advance and work out when she is most likely to be available if possible. If your timing is right, you could easily get lots of positive responses that will lead on to something more special. Not taking timing into account can have the opposite and most disheartening effect.

• Understand when a woman has good reason to say no

• Be flexible and offer an alternative when asking - are you free Thursday or Friday?

• Don't fight her excuses if she says no -move on

• Always sound busy yourself

• Accept that some people you will meet at the wrong time

• Choose a weeknight for the first date

• Choose the right moment to approach a date in a bar of nightclub

• Never be scared of asking. The more you ask the more confident you will be

• Try not to ask her out in the middle of a big group, choose your moment carefully for maximum effect

• Try and know as much about your date's circumstances in advance only if she is known to you already

• Work out the best moments to ask someone out

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• Don't ask her out when she is clearly busy or stressed or unhappy or not well Tip #20 -- Be Romantic

Romance is at the heart of any dating experience.

If you don't consider yourself romantic then you are wrong. I don't know of anyone on this planet who doesn't have the ability to fall in love.

Therefore if you can fall in love, you can be romantic too. Romance is not in the grand gestures, it is in the small details. Women will often say that it is the small things that matter.

The small gestures but it is down to both men and women to start being romantic.

It is a two-way process and both parties get an immense amount of pleasure from showing they care about someone. Yes we would all love to have a romantic picnic on a deserted Caribbean beach with the person of our dreams but romance begins closer to home with tips such as these:

• Understand what romance means and why it is important and learn what romantic aspects there are to your own character. No one has a heart made of stone, however tough their exterior.

• Understand that romance is not the sole domain of women and that men who are romantic are far more successful when dating

• Romance has nothing whatsoever to do with masculinity. In fact, being romantic can enhance your masculinity and reputation with girls.

• Not all women are naturally romantic either but that doesn't have to be the case.

• The key to being romantic is thoughtfulness. So start being a little less thoughtless and selfish.

• Communicate with your partner on every level and anticipate their desires and needs.

• Look at your partner when they are talking and hold their gaze

• Learn that mood, location, situation and ambience can heighten romance with dramatic effect

• Phone just to say hello, I love you and surprise your partner

• Learn to say, I love you and mean it. Don't say it ever, if you don't mean it

• Send them notes and small cards telling them you are thinking of them

• Be spontaneous and do little deeds that show you are thinking about them

• Start going for walks together, whatever the weather

• Put your partner first, particularly as a surprise with a spontaneous trip away

• Think creatively and plan a surprise weekend away

• Buy flowers any time of the year, nice ones not just roses

• Remember birthdays, anniversaries and landmark days such as the day you first met and plan something

• Listen to the clues your partner gives you, such as things they like and books they read and buy little gifts

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• Keep being romantic. In a good relationship, romance never ends

• Compromise. Putting yourself first is not romantic.

• Write him/her a letter and let them know that you love them and you mean it. People send far few letters these days. Use good quality stationery too.

• Watch romantic movies together and invest quality time doing the things you share and both enjoy

• Make cards rather than buying them. It shows thought and inspiration.

• Take your partner on a picnic to the park or beach and prepare in advance without involving them. Initiative illustrates romance nicely

• Don't be a cold fish. Learn how to hug, cuddle and make physical contact. Touching without sex is far more romantic but don't always hug without kissing!

• Kiss your date and learn to appreciate the finer qualities of kissing for its own sake

• Dance together when the occasion arises and show them special attention

• Hold hands and do anything make your partner feel close to you

• Hold and hug your partner in bed, especially after sex

• Talk chat and converse about anything and everything

• Allow your partner to breathe and do separate things to heighten the sense of romance when you are together

• If you don't cook dinner for your date, start learning my friend. A surprise dinner with candles is romantic

• Buy small gifts spontaneously that show great thought in what they enjoy. But not too many otherwise it has the opposite effect

• Remember that romance is often about giving of yourself, even if it is simply your precious time when you could have had other plans. Making your partner a priority is vital

• Do things that make you both laugh. Laughter and romance go hand in hand

• Remember that romance is in the small details and does not need to be expensive in any way. I'd rather receive a handmade card any day than an expensive gift

• Anticipate your partner's wishes and desires to show them you are listening to them and that you care

• Expect rightfully that romance is a two-way process though the romance you provide is simply giving of yourself

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