This question has to be one I hear most frequently from guys. Why?
It's the most intimidating question a guy can ask a woman, and one that I get asked about regularly. It feels like such a risky proposition, putting yourself out there for a woman's approval (or rejection.)
The answer to the riddle is this:
STOP asking women out!
First of all, you're starting a program in a woman's head that says: "He's romantically interested in me. That means dates, and awkward kisses, and possibly sex, and then a breakup like the last one. I better not."
Second, by asking her out, you make a woman need to figure out if she's attracted to you the moment you ask the question. She is presented with an opportunity that requires her to figure out her interest level in YOU.
You see, a woman doesn't want to lead a man on, but she also rarely knows right away if there's romantic interest. So she might just say yes to a date in order to test you out. It's like her first drive of a new car.
She just doesn't want to be obligated to buy right off the bat, though. If you push her for an answer right away (which is how "asking her out" comes across to her) she may say No even if she isn't sure yet.
Most women are not attracted to a man immediately unless it's by your looks alone. If you rely on pure sex appeal to win you the one you want, you'll be relying on "luck." There's a much better way.
Don't move so fast on her. Be patient.
Take a moment and think about which of these would be most interesting to a woman:
A) A meal and/or movie date that demonstrates no originality, and implies that she'll have to be considering you romantically, and that there will be pressure for her to be "on," and then after it's all done, she'll have to deal with your awkward attempt to kiss her. Scary.
B) A chance to go out and have some fun, no obligations and no pressure. Which one sounds better to you?
Now, even though I've done my best to present the reality of the situation, a lot of you are still leaning towards Option A. Now think about which option sounds better to her?
Does Option B sound better now? You better believe it does.
Option B may not seem to have your interests in mind right away, but that's not what winning a girl's heart is about. It's about forgetting what you want for long enough so that you can give her what she wants.
Let's put it this way - would you invest $10,000 of your hard-earned money in a stock you'd never even heard of before? No way! You'd want to see what the company is about, check out the fundamentals. And then you might be willing to invest a few hundred or so.
That's what it looks like to her - potentially big risk, and no guarantee of return.
There's a saying: "You can have anything you want in this world if you just help enough other people get what they want."
Option B also gives her a little mystery about your intentions and your interest, and that is what a woman wants.
Remember: Hope + doubt = passion.
So now that you've figured out that you need to give her a lower investment (i.e., not scary) option to start out with, how do you do it exactly?
Easy. If you've only just met her on the street, you should see if she's got a minute for coffee or tea at the local coffee shop. Take the opportunity to build a little rapport and show her that you're fun. The rest will come later if you can demonstrate a laid-back, fun personality.
If she doesn't have the time, you then shift into a lower gear and get her phone number and/or email address. After you put such a nice request out there for coffee and she turned you down, she's more likely to agree to give you her contact information, and in most cases she will write it right down.
If she hesitates, which is likely because you're still essentially a stranger, then you need to reassure her by teasing her. That's right, teasing her.
HER: "Sorry, I don't give out my number."
YOU: "It's okay, I'm only going to leave you a hundred messages on your machine. C'mon, write it down." Make her feel a little silly that she doubts your integrity and character. Teasing makes her forget about her weird trust issues.
Hand her a pen and paper and don't look her in the eye; just wait. The next person who speaks, loses.
Usually, she'll write it down. You have to be willing to wait out that long, uncomfortable silence while she figures out if you're a confident guy or a wimp. If you start talking and trying to reassure her of all the reasons she should feel okay about giving you her information, you've already lost.
Just act as if she could do nothing else, and she will do exactly what you want.
Once you have her contact information, you only need to get hold of her and invite her to complete the offer you originally made - tea or coffee at a certain local shop. It's a low-investment option, and it's not too pushy or overtly "romantic" that she has to worry about where things have to go.
At this point, you'd need to start applying the advanced strategies from The Seduction Method or The Dating Black Book to keep her interest and get her into you.
You'd use the Tease-to-Please tactic, along with the conversational techniques I detail in my e-books. You could then apply some Kinaesthetics and other advanced tactics to melt her into your arms.
Your coffee date could turn into an overnight date, if you're willing to learn a few new attitudes and skills.
About the Author: Carlos Xuma is one of the most popular online advisors for men. His sites - The Seduction Method (http://www.seductionmethod.com), Dating Dynamics (http://www.datingdynamics.com), Alpha Man Seduction (http://www.alphaseduction.com) offer men a variety of resources to improve their dating and sex life.
The e-books give you the vital reference information you need to get more women in your life. His Advanced Audio Coaching gives you monthly advice on a variety of dating topics, with exercises and examples of effective tactics to use.
Each week, the Dating Dynamics and Seduction Method newsletters give advice to men across the world on topics related to dating, relationships, and sex. Join the newsletter mailing list now, and you'll get a free excerpt from the e-books.
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