I saw a demonstration a while back of some Marines doing chin-ups to boost enlistment. I noticed the t-shirt one of the bigger guys had on, and the message was brutally honest and clear:
"Pain is the sensation of weakness leaving your body."
That got me thinking about the nature of pain, and how it functions in dating and seduction.
The most important thing for a man to do as he learns how to handle women is to keep his head on straight. Keep your attitude healthy, because that will be the ultimate weapon in this war of the sexes. You must keep yourself on the positive upward spiral. The way you handle your pain in the singles world is critical to your overall success.
How do you view pain?
Do you avoid pain at all costs? Do you find yourself seeking only pleasure and staying away from circumstances that could potentially cause you pain?
I address the pain/pleasure motivational spectrum in my e-books, THE DATING BLACK BOOK and THE SEDUCTION METHOD, and I want to help you through a little of your own anguish here right now. How you handle pain will ultimately determine the level of your success.
You see, you have to be willing - and even a little eager, as sick as that sounds - to go through a little discomfort to get to your goals with women. Men don't have the built-in sexual instincts that women are brought up with. Women study this stuff every week, from reading "Teen" magazine to "Cosmopolitan," and they know how the game works and how to play to win.
They've always had the upper hand.
Guys just start out at a natural disadvantage in dating and sex. As young men we focus on being strong providers and enjoying ourselves, playing football and 'reading' Penthouse from time to time. Our sexual education is mostly comprised of a few bad porno movies, or our embarrassed father trying to explain the birds and the bees. (My dad's attempt was really bad. I walked away more confused than before he started talking.)
Women got busy learning the truth as soon as they discovered that Ken dolls were not anatomically correct. They learned how to collaborate and talk with other women about the drama of their relationships for enjoyment.
To get better at the game of dating and seduction, think of it being something like when Michael Jordan decided he wanted to switch from basketball to baseball. Remember way back when Michael tried playing ball in the major leagues, but he had to go back to the minors to prove himself?
You need to understand that YOU have to go back to the minor league, too. You need to get a few bumps and bruises, and then you can deal with her in the major leagues.
(Unlike Michael, you CAN and WILL make it to the major leagues in this sport if you keep learning and improving.)
So how do you manage the pain? First of all, realize that the only pain you feel when you're out there in the "dating" world is all self-induced. You are the one making yourself feel bad or inadequate 95% of the time.
Understand that most women never do the things you are afraid of just for walking up and talking to her, like slapping you or throwing a drink in your face.
As long as you're not a complete idiot and don't come on too strong, women will give you a chance about 90+% of the time. All of the rejection you're so worried about is imagined, and absolutely none of it reflects on you as a person.
So how do you contend with the constant disappointment and mixed messages?
Set a threshold of emotional investment with women so that you limit your potential pain from them. If you find it difficult to flirt and hit on the ladies because it's too painful, back off a bit.
Just say "Hi!" as you pass them on the street.
Reduce your energy output so that you don't feel intimidated by her response. When you get sufficiently recharged, then you can start to risk more contact with her again, and you'll feel more up to the challenge.
Another form of pain management is to ensure that you interpret women's reactions correctly. It's easy and tempting to read too much into her behavior, and even more difficult to not take her reactions too seriously.
Remember that while you're trying to get into her bed, you should never try to get into her head. You need to keep your observation of her behavior based only on the results you get. Watch only what she does, not what she says. Her actions will tell you what she is feeling, even when her words seem confusing and contradictory.
If you get caught up in the game of trying to figure out why she didn't call, or why she always flirts with other guys when you're around, you'll create a lot of pain for yourself. Stay as detached from her as possible at the early stages so you can avoid getting misled and confused.
The primary rule for pain management is the same as it is on Wall Street: Only invest as much as you can afford to lose.
Too many guys get into trouble by putting too much of an emotional investment out there, and then when they don't get the response they feel entitled to, they turn bitter and angry. Don't make this mistake.
Manage your pain, and you'll be able to stay in the game longer, and your endurance and tolerance will rise dramatically - as will your results. You'll feel your insecurities around women fade away with each step you take.
And remember: Pain is nothing more than the sensation of weakness leaving your body.
Manage your pain and you'll be able to improve by leaps and bounds.
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