You: "If I were to ask you, what's the most important thing in a relationship, how would you describe it to me?"
Her: "I want a man who makes me feel comfortable with myself" (you remember "feel" and " comfortable")
You: "Wouldn't it be nice if you could spend time with a man who makes you feel like you could let down your guard and just be comfortable? Whose voice soothed and at the same time stimulated you? I get the feeling that this could happen to you right now, with me."
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Eliciting values explained
Introduction. The point of eliciting values is to find out what she wants in and from a man and then turn into that man of her dreams by providing her with it. But don't be fooled, if she says she wants her man to be tall and financially secure, you're not going to the doctor to get implants for your legs or rob a bank. What she gave you were means values, which means that tall in itself does nothing for her - what matters to her is how a tall man by her side makes her feel. And this is the key - for each means value you need to find out the ends value, which is what she really wants. Let's take the example of a tall man. Asking her "and how does a tall man make you feel?" might reveal that it makes her feel secure and protected! Aha! That's what she really wants! She wants to feel protected and secure, not a "tall man" per se. In practice, she'll reject a tall man that doesn't make her feel protected and secure right away, whereas you, who you might not be tall at all but can make her feel secure and protected, have just elicited your way to her pants:)
Means Values vs Ends Values. Know how she recognises means values and what they mean to her (honest, kind and respectful in this example). Jake Thomson, ASF: "You learned what qualities she likes in a man - means values. Go for the ends values. Means values aren't worth as much as you think. Find out what emotions she experiences by being with someone who is honest. Repeat for kind, repeat for respectful. Secondly, find out how she knows someone is honest, kind, & respectful. She gave you 3 nominalizations that have a specific meaning to her, but NOBODY else. On the face of it, you've got no fucking clue what the hell she's talking about. If you hallucinate that you understand what honest, kind & respectful means to her, you've got a better chance of eating a can of beans and farting your way to the moon."
Ends Values = Desired State. A post by Mr Happy, ASF: "For the benefit of those who are confused about eliciting values, here is better terminology: You want to find out a chick's DESIRED STATES and TRANCE WORDS.
M: So, what is important to you in a relationship? H: Well I like tall guys. (Means Value)
M: *nod* And what feeling does that allow you to experience when you are with a tall guy? H: Well it makes me feel safe and protected (Ends Value aka Desired State)
I think that the term DESIRED STATE is more clear and accurate than Ends Value. You want to discover which states that she likes to feel, so that you can create those states in her. In the above example, it doesn't really matter at all if you are tall, as long as you can make her feel safe and protected. So run a pattern that creates those feelings in her mind. (Of course this is done by naming the state and then describing its process...you guys know that already, right?). Note...a few common states that normally are important for every woman are comfort and safety, emotional connection, then horniness. If you only get the first part, you are a friend. If you get the second part (connection) then she will probably do the third part herself.
The important part is NOT what she says she wants (tall men, rich men, etc.). The important part is the FEELING that she experiences when she is around (tall men, rich men, etc). As long as you can discover the feelings that are important to her, and create them in her mind, she will associate those feelings with YOU."
An excerpt of Don Diebel's advice on not to talk about yourself but her: "By talking about her, you learn more about her which will be valuable to you in planning a strategy. Also, it is a subject she will be comfortable with. By not talking about yourself, you let your image speak for itself. And don't forget, the less women know about you, the more women want to know about you. Be a man of mystery."
But only as long as you don't know, what she wants in a man. As soon as you have that (you just didn't let her speak about herself while letting your thoughts wander, you also listened intently, right?:), become that man.
Update. (Taken from "Sweep women off their feet...":) "Do not try to create a market for your product just because you think it's a great product. Find a product that the market demands and you will be successful. Fill a need and you can't go wrong."
Update. NYC, ASF: "[Eliciting values so as to really make her think and fetch those answers from deep within her] is one of the major differences that will get you noticed. MOST guys go "so did you have both of your parents" and she says "no" and they say "look... there's a movie playing... wanna go?". They ask questions that don't tell them ANYTHING about the chick and then ask them out... in effect, they are fucking up their FLUFFING because they are NOT distinguishing her from any other chick, although they THINK they are.
Learning about her as a person is much deeper than light questioning, and the thing that turns chicks on the most is when they BELIEVE that you are into them because of some UNIQUENESS that they have. Something you see in them ONLY that you don't see in other women and which makes them extremely attractive to you. They think that men that are attracted ONLY to bodies are dogs, etc. By your deeper questioning, you seperate yourself from the other suitors because you make them THINK. You make them DIG for answers. They FEEL differently after baring their soul to you than after telling you where they got their hair done and how much it cost".
Update. NYC, ASF: "I go back to childhood and find out what they missed out on or wanted. I find out what they want now and what they desire for their futures. I cover EVERYTHING then I CRAFT the VESSEL I need to get into her. I make MYSELF a COMBINATION of all the things that she doesn't know she craves. There is NO RESISTANCE to this. NONE! She can't resist because all she knows is that I am talking about some abstract ideas or another woman and it strikes a chord within her... "that's exactly how I want to be treated by a man" "that's exactly what I want in a man" "Is this guy for real?" what she doesn't know is that she TOLD ME HOW TO SEDUCE HER and I have embedded this knowledge inside my language and STAY ON COURSE. I bombard her with good feelings and ALWAYS avoid bad feelings. When I do my work, I may not get laid, but I am NEVER FORGOTTEN!"
Update. Everyone has a need. Find and fill that need, an explanation by Jobet Claudio, Mindlist:
"In my observation, the mere adoption of the following rules can supercharge your own attitude towards being a great seducer.
Rule 1. People, all people, to include supercelebrities and ultra-gorgeous women, have desires. That seems like stating the obvious, but think about it. Even Bill Gates I bet, wishes he could do something different, that would fulfill him and he's not getting it now. He aches for something... craves for something... That's the same with ultra-gorgeous women, or women in general. They may have an army of suitors, they may be sleeping on the finest velvet sheets, etc etc. But believe me, all people, gorgeous women included, ache for something. They have a heartfelt desire for something. That "something" may vary from adventure to feeling freedomm, to feeling respected (for the less secure ones), to feeling pampered, to feeling like a little girl again. It can be a large variety of things. But make no mistake about it. Everyone "aches" for something.
Rule 2. And this is cliche'. Find out what it is. Be sensitive. You can pick this up in the small cues that she leaks out. Be intelligent in structuring your questions to be such that you can uncover nice pieces of data. What you're looking for is "something" that she always wanted that she's not getting right now, something she "aches" for, but can't have due to some life circumstance or something like that. It can be anything. Once you know what it is, you can either you "fill" the void by using language patterns or "transform" yourself into the person that fits that criteria/desire/longing.
Rule 3. Fill that "void" that you've found. Use linguistic patterns to achieve this. If she talks about the need for respect, say something like "what if... we were living in a different dimension... or a different planet... and in that planet... everything you see, is everything you want to see... and in that place... you see all the people, giving you all the respect you ever wanted... now doesn't that feel nice?"
Rule 4. This is cliche as well, but anchor the fulfillment of the need to (guess who?)... to you! For example "Isn't it nice if you could experience all of that... with me, now I think it would be real grand if you could!"
Keep doing that a couple of times and soon enough you'll be her perfect man. http://tranceboy.fws1.com/eliciting.htm (2 of 3) [8/3/2002 9:32:13 PM]
Example: One woman I was *not* really seducing leaked out that she misses her father (who died long ago). I then took that tack and talked about how good it feels to be a little girl sitting on daddy's lap and embracing him, and asking for the small "gifts" like a pony or things like that. Gosh...it worked. But it would have even been better to ask her what her father was like, to ask for small cues, like how her father talked, what he used to say to her, what did he make her feel and etc etc. Then, using that information and your power of acting, subtly "transform" yourself into her daddy. It might seem sneaky and underhanded to use her own desires to dangle the carrot she's always wanted but lets frame it this way - we're just finding out what can make a person happy and giving it to them."
Seducer... Romancer... these guys are the guys who know how to please, aim to please and live to please (though this does not imply supplication- no woman ever wanted a man she could easily control). These guys are the guys who know how to fill a need. Everyone, and I mean everyone, has a hole. Fill it. [Now did I detect some double meaning in that last statement... or am I just completely corrupt?]"
Eliciting values - introducing the questions Eliciting values - the questions Eliciting values - the answers
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