Double Your Dating

AAASTERY Program Workbook

David DeAngelo

©2004, All Rights Reserved.

; 12004 All Rights Reserved, - Double Your Dating "MASTERY With Women /Vrd Dating" Wilh David DcAngelo

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Day 1 5

Day 2 66

Day 3 115

Day 4 126

Suggested Reading List 161

J2C04 All Rights Reserved. - Double Your Dating "MASTERY With Women And Dating" With David DeAngelo

An Open Letter To A Frustrated Guy

"I think you're here because you have a problem, a pain, a frustration that you'd like to get handled.

I think that the problem of not having success with women Is like a virus running on your mental computer system In the background.,, everything runs through It and Is corrupted by It... and It bogs the entire system down.

I also suspect you're here because you're looking for a technique... a secret trick... something that's going to magically fix everything and give you all the success you ever wanted... and you have your fingers crossed that I or one of my guests Is going to reveal it. In other words, I think you want a quick fix, and you're hoping that if5 here.

Further, I think that the REALITY Is that you already probably know FAR more than the average guy, and probably even more than most guys who are VERY successful with women. You already know the tricks. You already know what you need to do, but you're Just not doing it.

And actually, I think you KNOW THAT THE PROBLEM ISNT THAT YOU NEED MORE TECHNIQUES. I think that at some level you realize that the problem Is something BIGGER, something more Intense... and more difficult to face. I think you know that you're using one or more "secret reasons" to Justify your Inability to have success with women... and thai they somehow give you a kind of depressing comfort... because If you fall at this, you can always fail back on your secret reason. "I knew It. I knew that this wouldn't work for me..."

I think that most people go to therapists so they can hear the words "I understand. I'd feel the same way if I were In your situation..." and so they can explain and justify the way they are... NOT to change. But I'm not going to settle for that here. I'm not going to settle for you walking out of here saying "Yea, I knew l wasn't going to learn anything thafs going to help me. I'm just going to have to accept that this Is an area that I will never have together In life."

Commit To Yourself

Before we get into the material, I want you to take a moment and consider the series of events and the reasons why you're going through this program

I know that you didn't just wake up one day, say "Hey, I think I'll get myself a program to teach me how to meet women"

If you're anything like me, you've spent a LOT of time, effort, and energy trying to figure out the female of our species

And if you're like me, then you've probably gotten to the point where you're ready to take your success to the level to the place we're calling "Mastery"

I'd like to invite you to really reflect on the years you've spent in your life trying things that didn't work, starting something then dropping it a few days or weeks later because you just didn't have what it took to stick with it, and beating your head against the wall

More

Commit To Yourself

I really want you to reflect on where you are, and, more Importantly, on where you want to go

Now make a commitment to YOURSELF to spend at LEAST the next 90 days working with this program every single day

Make a commitment to yourself that you're going to go through it at least three times, you're going to Implement what you learn, and you're going to take control of this area of your life

I want you to say "yes" with me when I count to three -say yes with me and agree out loud that you're actually going to do it this time

[Continued]

% % Theories, Awareness, And Change

• Many of the things I'm going to personally teach you In this program are theoretical, abstract, and complex

• Many of the concepts are outside of the realm of "scientific" or "proven"

• In many cases I'm going to pose Ideas to you that have no "action step" or "direct application" to your Interactions with women

• Why would I say and do these things?

• I have come to believe that the process of successfully attracting a mate Is the single most powerful underlying force In human psychology, behavior, and motivation

• This drive Is very complex, multl-dlmenslonal, counter-Intuitive, and Ironic

• In Tact, it's so powerful and pervasive that one could actually view every thought, communication, and behavior, no matter how grand or trivial, as part or an Intricate mating ritual

• In Tact, it's so powerful and pervasive that one could actually view every thought, communication, and behavior, no matter how grand or trivial, as part or an Intricate mating ritual

Theories, Awareness, And Change

• I've made it my purpose to learn as much as I can about this particular process - first so I can be successful myself, and second so I can teach other guys effectively

• In the process of learning the "secrets" of how to successfully attract women, I've realized that by addressing some of these more abstract and conceptual levels a guy can not only learn how to attract women better and faster, he can also become more whole end integrated as a man

• I also believe that sometimes just having an awareness of something can trigger a snowball effect - and lead to incredible change, development, and evolution

• I fully expect that the first half of this program is going to challenge your mind and emotions, and it's going to make you think in ways you've never thought before

• But stick with it - not only wilt this material change you on a more fundamental level, but it will also prepare your mind for the incredible specific insights and step-by-step techniques you're going to learn in the second half - and these techniques are going to literally blow your mind

[Continued]

What We'll Be Covering

• Women and dating

• Section one is about clearing blocks from the mind, body, and emotions

• Section two is about learning the subtle dynamics of interpersonal interactions

• Section three is about learning the strategies of Mastery

■ Section four is about learning the specific, step-by-step techniques in detail

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Attraction Still Isn't A Choice

• I started my "Advanced Dating Techniques" program (which I hope you watched or listened to, because it's the foundation for this program) with the words "Attraction Isn't A Choice"

• But men are still acting like it is

• Men are still acting like they can convince women to feel attraction for them

• In this program we're going to go down deep inside of your mind to uproot once and for all those programs that are leading to you chasing women, giving away your power, and ultimately ruining your own chances with them

Mastery Is About Personal Commitment And Long-Term Success

• This program goes deep... very deep

• Mastery in this area of life comes from a deeper understanding of the principles, mindsets, and strategies

• Techniques aren't the focus, although you'll hear a lot of them.

• This program is meant to be reviewed several times - it's a reference

• You'll start getting your best results after three, four, five or more times through it

• Notice how the meaning changes as you evolve, and how it becomes more profound

Taking Control

Mastery is about taking control

It's about getting to the point where you dont feel helpless or out of control in a situation

It's about getting to the point where you control your own destiny instead of feeling like it's controlled for you

It's about moving from effect to cause... from watching things happen to making them happen... from hoping and wishing to realizing

The commitment to Mastery Is the commitment to take control of your life

The Source Of This Program

• I spent a lot of time deciding whether or not to do this program, as it's not going to be for everyone

• In this program I'm going to share a lot of concepts, theories, and ideas that it has literally taken me my whole life to learn, refine, and understand - in other words, the source of this program is my own journey and experience of learning

• We're going to spend a lot of time doing personal work in this program

• You've heard the phrase "You can't change other people, you can only change yourself

• We're going to start with that idea, and work on ourselves... knowing that by improving the inside, the outside will take care of itself

Day One

Why Mastery?

• Why Mastery? Why not Just leave It at the Advanced Serles7

• Because I think that when we want to team something new In our lives, we go through a few phases...

• First, we try to learn the tricks. We want the quick fix. We want magic techniques that will instantly solve our problems.

> Then, after learning a few tricks, you realize that there's still something wrong - when you're beating your head up against the wall and It's Just not working you seek out more "In-depth" knowledge.

• This Is when people usually get my Advanced Series. But then once you get some level of skill In a particular area, you then begin to realize that there must be a DEEPER level of understanding. You realize that there must be something much bigger at work. You realize that maybe there are other areas that you can develop that will strengthen the area you are trying to develop.

• That's what this program Is about. We're going to address many of those other areas.., and the first place we're going to start is with what I'm going to call THE DEEP INNER GAME.

^ The First Step Is The Hardest ®

• The first step on the road to Mastery may be the hardest.

• The first step involves discomfort, anxiety, and even pain.

• The first step on the road to Mastery is to admit that you do not want to do all the things that are going to be required for you to REACH Mastery.

• It's to come to grips with the fact that there are going to be a lot of things that are going to be physically, emotionally, and psychologically uncomfortable along the path, and that you're going to do them anyway,

• Ifs to make a personal commitment that you're going to do whatever it takes, no matter how much you don't want to do it in the moment, to reach your objective.

• Can you take the hardest step?

• Can you take the hardest step?

Transition Vulnerability

• When a butterfly is coming out of its cocoon, or a baby is being born, or a snake is shedding its skin... these are the times when they're the most sensitive, the most vulnerable, the most disoriented, the most afraid... the most uncomfortable, (A cat entering a new room)

• When you start learning new things about how to meet women, changing how you think and learning and trying new things, this will be the same for you.

• The transition period will be the one when you feel most sensitive and vulnerable.

• Remember that there is a long-term payoff to getting outside of your comfort zone and sticking with the process.

• Eventually the discomfort and feeling of vulnerability will go away, and you'll be enjoying a new level of success.

A Development Detour

• Our thoughts, feelings, behavior, and self image Is mostly unconscious

• We humans like to Identify with these aspects of ourselves and become attached to them In a way that prevents change

• Many think that 'learning' new ways of thinking, new ways of communicating, and new body language Is somehow Inauthentlc and fake

• I think that this attachment Is one of the biggest stumbling blocks people face when wanting to improve

• Design a branded process [brandedproccess.com]

• Sometimes you need to progress from Unconscious to Conscious to Unconscious again In order to learn

• It's OK to leam and do things that don't feel like "you" In order to get a new skill

• The seminar Is a detour... and spending some time learning techniques to become better with women Is a detour

From Focus To Integration

• Mastery requires Intensive focus for a time, then eventually Integration with the rest of your life

• Think hub and nodes. From the hub to a node

• Think Solar System, From the Sun to a Planet

• To MASTER something Is to go from that thing having power and status over you, to you having power and status over It

• Don't make the mistake that a lot of guys make and become ADDICTED TO AN IDEAL

• The better you get at something, the further you feel from the IDEAL.., because the more you know, the more you realize you don't know

• Don't become one of the guys who Is a little "too Into" this stuff... who can't think about, talk about, or do anything else... who obsess over It and lose touch with the rest of reality

• Don't attach your identity and self esteem to the idea of getting to an unrealistic level

• Don't become addicted to this like a drug

A Formula For Personal Evolution

• Imitate the best until you are getting consistent results

• Learn to make finer and finer distinctions until you can clearly see how and why each approach works In each situation

• Learn how to assign higher and lower values to behaviors, results,-mistakes to create an Internal system that will guide you

■ Learn to create variations of great Ideas and to combine great elements of great Ideas to evolve improved versions

• Learn to innovate, design and create new things that have superior value LAST

• The mistake most people make Is doing these in reverse

• "Imitate Assimilate Innovate" - Clark Terry (Jazz Trumpet Player)

The Formula For Consistent Luck

• Expertise + Experience + Great Mentors + Access To Great Advice = LUCK

• Masters can walk Into a situation and appear to create magic, It looks like they're getting lucky far too often

• The counterintuitive nature of wisdom and expertise, and how doing the obvious thing doesn't always serve you

• The best thing to do in a situation isnt usually the OBVIOUS thing. Masters do counter-intuitive things... things that wouldn't be natural for others

• The Master makes success look almost effortless, which leads novices to assume that what he is doing is easy and simple

• Don't be fooled Into believing that it's not complex just because It looks easy

• When you spend years combining expertise, experience, great mentors and access to great advice, you start getting lucky all the time

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Take Control Of Your Personal

Evolution

Seek the history of things you're interested in learning

Become a student of your interests

After learning how the current models evolved, and becoming competent, you'll begin to have "future vision" and see how things will evolve

This will lead to situational predictive powers - you'll be able to see possible scenario outcomes, then behave accordingly

The most important place to use this is your own life

Review your own personal evolution, then take control of it in the future

Evolution means not only to evolve, but to transcend and include

Two Ways Of Winning

• Winning to beat someone else

• Winning to succeed in reaching a goal or getting what you want

• The objective here is to get to the point where you have the kind of success that YOU want for YOURSELF

• We're not looking to learn how to beat others here - that's counter-productive and distracting in this context

• Finally, you need to move this from the center of your life to part of your life.

Improve The Quality Of Your Life, Become More Attractive To Women

• Humans "catch" emotions from others

• If you're always down, people won't want to be around you because you bring them down

• If you're always up, people will want to be around you so they can "catch" some of that emotion

• Improving the quality of your life - which leads to being happier and more satisfied - makes you a more interesting and attractive person

• What does quality of life come down to?

Models Of Quality Of Life

If your perspective Is that more pleasure improves quality of life, then physical pleasure, emotional pleasure, and mental pleasure would increase quality of life. This would Involve having challenges and meeting them, receiving love, getting physical affection and sex, doing good

If your perspective Is that attachment to reality Is negative, then detachment or mis-Identification and losing your preferences Is the answer. Transcending this world (or LIFE) leads to the greatest quality of life

If your perspective is that giving of yourself is what improves quality of life, then doing for others will improve your life

If your perspective Is that joy or enjoyment is what Improves the quality of your life, then doing things that add joy to your life and keep you in the FLOW state are the answer

Choose the path that improves your own personal quality and enjoyment of life, and then stick to it. It will make you more attractive

Flow

• Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi released a book called "Flow: The Psychology Of Optimal Experience"

• Flow is the feeling of "being in the zone", of total immersion and involvement

• It's a state that takes all of your attention, where time passes-effortlessly

Elements:

• The challenge is matched well with your skills

• Compete and compare results only with and to yourself

• Creates enjoyment or long-term satisfaction

• The Flow zone chart visual

The Journey To Mastery...

Based On Joseph Campbells "Hero's Journey"

• Step 1: Choosing what you want for yourself in this area consciously

• Choosing your ethics consciously

• Choosing your values consciously

• Choosing what you will and won't accept.,. setting standards

• Choosing your own path in life

2) Deciding To Get What You Want

• Deciding on, and describing the kind of woman you want in your life, relationship you want

• Setting out on your OWN path, detaching from what others want and what others want for YOU

• Accepting that you might not impress others, etc. but it DOESN'T MATTER

• Making the commitment to get what you want for yourself, no matter what

• Realizing that ultimately no one in your life cares whether or not you're successful

3) Hesitation, Stalling, Rethinking _

(Fears, Self-Doubt, Change Of Heart) -

• Realizing that this isn't going to be easy, no instant results

(bad experiences) -

• Doubting that it's possible, doubting that it's possible for YOU

• Facing your "Secret Reason" for failure _

• It looks too big, too complex, too much

• Self Image... "I'm not one of those guys"

• Deserving, Permission issues -

4) Preparing For Your Journey

Accepting that you're going to need to step out of the situation mentally, and be willing to learn and try things that might not feel like "you".., knowing that you might keep some of what you learn, and you might disregard some of what you learn

Learning DYD material, reframing, self-image stuff, techniques

Mental rehearsal, emotional rehearsal, physical practice, crutches

5) Gathering Your Support Team

• Reference group of guys who are good with women

• Female friends

• Counselor or therapist possibly

6) The Warrior Phase -Learning By Doing

• Getting out there and actually using what you're learning

• Identifying the areas you need to work on, and working on them

• Leveraging your strengths

• Physical, Logical, Emotional

• Learning to lead

• Learning how The Critical Moments And Bridges actually feel and work... smooth transitions, knowing what to do % %

• Fears (fear of something is worse than the thing itself)

• Your emotions, how they come up at critical times

• Feminine distraction, confusion, emotions... staying strong, composure -

• Making mistakes you know you shouldn't make, and paying the price -

• Sacrifice: Something must die in order for something new to live... you must let a part of you die, and let it go

8) Facing Your Ultimate Fear And Ultimate Desire

• Can you stand the test, and take what you want when it's in front of you?

• When you finally find the woman you want, will you turn into a Wuss, treat her "differently", pursue her, give away your power, and drive her away?

• Once you do attract the right woman, will you take her, and STAY a Real Man or will you doubt what has taken you this far, and screw it up?

• Keeping what you want is far more difficult than getting what you want

9) Returning And Integrating

• Keeping what you like, disregarding what isn't useful from the journey

• Making the things that align with your values part of who you are permanently

• Moving this from the center of your life to an integrated part of your life

10) Giving Back

• Teaching other guys to learn better yourself

• Continuing to be the Real Man that your woman wants into the future

• Moving on to other journeys and adventures in your life

The Power Of The Center

• Find Your Center

• Center Yourself

• Become The Center

• Finding your center Is about getting In touch with what you really want for your life and for yourself. It's about "finding yourself", "choosing your own path", and "living consciously". It's about figuring out who you are and how you fit into your world

• Centering yourself is about taking a moment to shift your awareness Into your own body, becoming aware of yourself and your surroundings, and then operating from that perspective. It Is a way of going Inside and becoming grounded

• Becoming the center Is about moving women from the center of your universe to an interesting part of your universe. It's about becoming so interesting and attractive that women make you the center of their universes

Find Your Center

• What is it that you really want for yourself and your life?

■ If you could start all over, and operate from a place where you get to choose every aspect of who you are, what you do, and where you're going, what would that look like?

• What do you like about your life that you want to keep, and what do you not like about yourself that you wont accept any longer?

• Who are you going to be in the fulure, when you're not living half-way?

• We're going to discuss moving your frame of reference inside later in this program (which is helpful when finding your center), but for now I want you to think about finding your own center, so you can operate from that place

% . % Physical Centering

• Stand up straight, as if a string were pulling your head up

• Notice how it's easier to stand this way, and requires less effort when balanced

• Take three deep breaths with me, deep Into the stomach

• The breath Is the only vital life process that you can control either consciously or unconsciously... use It as the bridge to begin with

• Relax your shoulders, stomach, jaw, and forehead as you exhale each time

• Look up and to the center, where the imaginary crest Is formed above your nose

• Open your peripheral vision, taking In the edges of your visual field

• Inhale slowly, and notice both the feeling of air rushing Into your nose, and your stomach expanding and contracting at the same time

• Pay attention to your vision, the air rushing Into your nose, and your stomach at the same time... maintain that attention to quiet your

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Mental Centering

• Accept everything exactly as it is

• Detach from the past, the future, then the present

* Make your outcome here at this program unimportant

for a moment

• Release your identification with yourself and your

identity

• As you exhale, release emotional tension, anxiety, pressure

• Exhale any ill feelings toward yourself or others

• In your imagination, open up your chest and your heart, allow that opening to envelop everything and everyone around you

Acting From A Centered State

• Notice everything around you, looking at the details

• Consciously make meaning from these things

• Look with an optimistic eye, pro-actively looking for things that will help you

• Realize that learning a lesson by trying something is far more valuable than getting a short-term win

Tuning Your Peripheral Senses

• Peripheral Senses: Just like peripheral vision, you have peripheral hearing, touch, smell, and taste

• Focusing one of your senses: If you smell something that is familiar, but for some reason you can't quite figure it out, you'll often close your eyes, or try to tune out your other senses in order to "focus in" on the smell, Something is going on here. It's as if you're automatically trying to use your brain's processing power for one particular task.., and focusing it.

• Consciously use your Peripheral Senses to notice finer and finer details, and to see what works and what doesn't

Become The Center Of Her Universe

I've had the experience many times of meeting women and almost instantly feeling them become "trapped by my gravitational pull" and almost "captured in orbit around me"

It was like they were now in my orbit, and I could FEEL it

I knew that they were hooked, and that there was basically nothing that could change it

It was obvious on many levels, from their body language to their communication

I did things very early on that most men would consider "dumb"

I pushed them away, told them that they were in love with me, and told them to go bug other guys... knowing that it would only make the "gravity" stronger

Think of the relationship of the sun and the earth. The sun is at the center of the earth's universe. The earth could be said to "belong to" the sun. Because of the sun, earth has day and night, it wakes and sleeps, and is able to support life.

Mora

Become The Center Of Her Universe

• Most men behave like the opposite Is the case. In fact, most men behave like wandering planets who are looking for a sun to orbit... someone to cling to... a place to get energy from... a central figure (n their lives. They have not learned how to become their own sun, give themselves energy, and become powerful and attractive on their own.

• In order for a body to be in orbit around another, it must be close enough, but not too dose,., it must be MOVING, It must exert less gravity than the central body It orbits,

• A woman wants a man who is strong enough to attract her, hold her In his orbit, and keep her there... but the thing that really keeps her "attracted" (feeling attraction) is the tension that comes from not quite being "all the way there"

[Continued]

[Continued]

The Power Of The Center

• Find Your Center

• Center Yourself

• Become The Center

Centering To Eliminate Negative Mental/Emotional/Physical Distractions And Anxiety

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• Ongoing mental chatter

• Worries of what others think about you

• Figuring out how to get approval and recognition

• Imagined negative outcomes of situations

• The emotions of fear, anxiety, nervousness

• Conflicts between physical/logical/emotional needs

• Conflicts between past/present/future time frames

• By finding your center and centering yourself, then becoming the center, you work to eliminate these things at the root of the problem

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The First Law Of Success With Women: Accept Everything The Way It Is

• A big fundamental mistake that guys make is not accepting things as they are

• Not accepting;

- Yourself

- Women

- Situations

• Another is letting things that are beyond your control frustrate you, victimize you, upset you, make you mad, control your thoughts and emotions. By accepting everything as it is, you make yourself powerful

• Center yourself, accept, then be pro-active to get what you want - pushing against things robs you of power - accepting them gives you power

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