No No No No No

But first, let's address the "every time we go out and it's just her and me in the car it's quiet" thing.


I'd be quiet if I were in a car with you myself (but, unlike her, I think you're pretty cute).

Try this:

Do yourself a huge favor, and date a few other women for awhile. Don't call her for a week or two.

Then, when you do talk to her or see her again, just be friends with her.

Tell her about what you're up to, that you're dating some other women, and that you have to go... then hang up.

You need to get some other options in your life, and you need to quit being quiet and creating that uncomfortable silence which says "I'm attracted to you, I'm insecure about it, and I'm sure hoping that you like me back." Don't do that anymore.

Women aren't attracted to weakness and insecurity. And one of the best ways to communicate that you're weak and insecure is to ASK her if she likes you, or tell her you like her.

And read my book "Double Your Dating." You'll learn a lot.

I have a question. A few months back I started dating this fantastic woman. We hit it off instantly. I have been practicing the cockiness before with great success. She loved it and things went along great. The mixture of romance and cockiness worked very well but stopped working. The problem is that she has suddenly decided she does not want a boyfriend right now because she has many things to work out. I have given her space, and she will email me or call after a few days to see what I'm up to, but no indication of when or if we will go out again. Do I give up, keep at what Im presently doing, or just move on? Thanks

T. in Dallas"

>MY COMMENTS: This is only a guess because I don't know all of the details, but my guess is that you DIDN'T GIVE HER ENOUGH SPACE.

You probably called her too much, saw her too much, and acted like a clingy-boy.

When a woman says any of the following: "I don't want a relationship right now"

"I really care about our friendship and don't want to mess that up"

"I like you as a friend"

"I need some time to find myself" usually can be translated thusly:

"You were cool at the beginning, but you started acting like a wuss, and I just don't FEEL IT for you."

Solution: Don't call often. End conversations first. Give her space. Always end interactions too soon, and on a high note...

Get it?

Don't take it personally, take responsibility.

And remember, ATTRACTION ISN'T LOGICAL. Women aren't attracted to what they SHOULD be attracted to.

If you want women to feel attraction, you're going to have to learn how to create it.

Stay tuned.

Your newsletter is really good. I come from Scotland and although I can detect a slight 'American' influence it really works well. I have a problem David that I just don't know will ever be solved but I'd like to ask you anyway. I realise it is a bit heavy but the main thing is I'm sort of OK with it. I have a disability David that I think puts women off from the 'this is my man, an he'll provide for me, attitude' Talking to women as never been much of a problem (I think I'm OK at communication). ; even hooking up sometimes and more often than not the 'back to my place thing'.

I've also been involved with a women for four years and although the sex is great, deep down we both know we aren't going anywhere. It gets worse because she is a good friend now and a companion. She also helps me clean the house up and has one of my keys. I just don't know what to do David. I don't expect you to reply to this e-mail but if you do, thanks for all the tips. For all the other guys out there - listen to this man -he knows what he's talking about.


>MY COMMENTS: I hope you see the irony in your email to me...

I get emails all the time that say:

"Oh, David... please help me... I'm a good-looking, athletic guy, but I just can't figure out what to do with the ladies..." and such.

And you're emailing me saying that you have all kinds of success with women, and you're just ending a four-year relationship... and you want to know what I think about your situation.

Here's the deal: Sure, some women might have an initial issue with your disability. We all have aspects of our lives that aren't the "ideal" socially approved variety.

But you will only be as limited as you allow yourself to be.

I know and know of guys that have overcome so many incredible challenges and gone on to be successful in all areas of life, that I can only say "You can make whatever you want to make of your own life and success." And this includes success with women. You're already way ahead of most guys...

I am a 39 year old guy and am still single because of a lot of personal problems I went thru in the early and mid 1990s (nothing too serious-wasn't arrested, didn't go bankrupt, wasn't psycho, etc). Now that all of this is in the past, I've been venturing out into the dating scene again. As I'm more serious about finding a relationship, I prefer women in their 30s and early 40s. My question is this: Do you think that the "cocky and funny" routine works on women in their 30s and 40s too? It seems to me that women of this age group who are divorced/single do not want to play games as much. I'm not looking to play games either.

Or should I take a modified approach to cocky/funny?


Dating in Chicago"

>MY COMMENTS: You're using the word "games" here to describe the cocky/funny attitude, and I think that we're mixing up our definitions and associations.

When I think of "games" as the term relates to men, women, and dating, I think of things like lying, cheating, and manipulation (in the negative sense).

Cocky and funny is a fun, attractive attitude that is VERY attractive in general - to women of all ages.

And yes, women that are in their 30s and early 40s love it.

I'm 31 and i teach computer office stuff. Most of my students are woman from 22 to 50. I've always been the guy that is ...I wouldn't not say an AFC, but in french we say "homme rose". So, i've been reading your mail for a while and after i finally got the courage to change my personality, I started acting cocky and funny(and why not practice on my classes). Would you believe it, in an instant my classes became a chicken farm...and i'm the only rooster...ahahah!(picture me in front of 20 women that really enjoy looking at me and listening to me!!!). I'm not talking about flirting here. Their attitude toward me changed dramatically, some of them kiss me when they get into class, they touch me a lot now, they try to match me with the hottest in the class, it's very funny. I have a girlfriend that i truly love for more than a year now, but realizing that i can attract a lot of woman gave me confidence toward what i can bring to my girlfriend. That way i know that if our relationship ends one days(i don't want that but...) i can just turn around and have other options...

What is strange about this new situation, now they pass the word around that im a bad boy( i guess to them it's a way of saying attractive man, different from others). To all of you readers. The more you will act cocky/funny, the more this will become your nature, blended with your own personal style.

In the history book of seduction. Your name is in it David.

>MY COMMENTS: Tomorrow I'm going to call up and find out what I need to do in order to teach computer skills to groups of women.

Your stuff is right on. The thing I like most about it is that you keep your self-respect when use the stuff in your book . . . and women pick up on this.

My question is this: Can you recommend any exercises that one can do on his own that can keep him from behaving like 95% of the losers that have no spine and no persistence? You know... some "spine strengthening" exercises.

Keep up the good work,

>MY COMMENTS: The best exercise is to make sure to practice with EVERY woman you meet. From the grocery store line to the operator on the telephone. All of them.

Test every kind of cocky/funny idea you can come up with.

If you're on the phone with the operator, say:

"Wow, thanks for your help... I think this relationship is off to a good start."

If you're in a clothing store and a woman asks "Can I help you?" say "Wow, this new cologne must be working... I've had a woman walk up and talk to me in every store I've been in."

Just practice saying charming, funny, slightly arrogant things.

If you keep this up, you'll keep seeing the positive responses that you'll get, and it will become "reflexive."


I have had a lot more success with women since I got your e-book. The techniques do work, however I realize that I have a ways to go before I really get rid of my bad habits in dealing with women and get to be good with your material.

Background and Question: I met this girl a year ago, we hit it off real well for quite a while, but then she went cold on me (you don't have to say it:) I know, I started really liking her, and started to make all the wussy mistakes that most unenlightened guys make-the biggest mistake was that one night she was rather inebriated and obviously wanted sex, but I did not make any advances on her in that state; that was when she really lost interest in me.

So I got pissed at her for the way she was acting after that (ignoring me completely, not doing things with me she had committed to etc.), and didn't contact her anymore (as a side note, I had not yet found your newsletter or ezine at the time, nor had I decided that I had to really get this aspect of my life dealt with-after she started acting uninterested, I decided that I must fix this part of my life-so I bought your ebook).

Let me explain that I am a very inexperienced guy when it comes to women (I am very young and still a virgin)-so I have some major stumbling blocks like getting up the courage to kiss her, to know HOW to transition it to the next level etc.

So after a couple of months, she called me and was all friendly like nothing ever happened. She told me she was seeing another guy, so I wished her the best and ended the call first—but I know she was curious at least about me (of course—she was not used to getting the cold shoulder from me).

It went on like this for several months (on friendly but very aloof terms for my part-I always had to go, ended the call first etc) til recently; she called me last week and invited me out with her to see some Flamenco dancing. I was noncommittal and said I would get back with her the next day to confirm or not. I was supposed to call her back the next day, but decided to make her call me so I wouldn't look too interested. Sure enough she called me that afternoon and I accepted. She insisted that she pay for the tickets and treat me out (I told her that I was broke on the phone), and so we went.

On the way there she started to tell me that she was single again (hint) and that she was upset that she was shot down by a guy recently. Halfway through the performance, there was a break when we could talk and she bought us drinks, started to complain how she had never been asked for marriage (for crying out loud, she's barely 20, and she is certainly cute with a great figure). She is also convinced that I have girls all over me-she kept bringing the subject, and Dave, I must say that I very skillfully didn't answer her direct questions, but made it into cocky funny jokes. She still wonders...

I teased her about this for a bit and was cocky and funny the whole time. On the way home she wanted a light from me and I told her "for a kiss" in a funny way to which she said that she would find her own lighter and wasn't a good kisser; I told her she needed to be taught by a good teacher, and that I would have to just steal that kiss and teach her (however I didn't-no good opportunity arose as she was driving a difficult road and there was a console between us-should I have just kissed her anyway when I wanted to kiss her?).

Then we got home and she told me again that she was real tired and not feeling well (which she had been saying all evening, in fact even on the phone that day, and I think it was the truth) and I left after thanking her and kissing her on the cheek (there were no cues for me to make any moves so I didn't).

OK- sorry for all the background but it is necessary. Now the questions: Is she interested in me again as I think? Did I handle it alright for a novice? What cues do I need to put my arm around her and cuddle, etc., or do I need any cue from her to do these things? She is not a touchy feely person.

And finally, how should I handle it from now on? This is most important. There is a dance this Saturday, should I ask her out or stay aloof?

Thanks my friend,

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