Putting Too Much Importance On What The Woman Thinks Of You And What Happens In That Particular Situation

To put it in different words, most guys don't take action because they're afraid that they'll screw up or that the woman (or others around them) will judge them to be stupid.

The REAL problem, though, is that this whole process has become AUTOMATIC, and it happens INSTANTLY the moment most guys see a woman that they'd like to meet. Before they even have a chance to think about the situation rationally, they've become nervous, insecure, and upset.

I'm sure you know exactly what I'm talking about.

As humans, we have these incredible minds and bodies, but sometimes they get wired up in ways that aren't exactly useful for the situations that we find ourselves in. Worse, sometimes our cultures, families, or peer groups teach us ways of thinking that just aren't useful at all for what we'd like to accomplish.

Here's something that I realized a few years ago when I was learning for myself how to be successful with women...

I thought about this idea that I was having this instant, automatic fear in different situations with women, and that I was really thinking "I don't want to screw this up" and "I don't want her to think that I'm a dork"...

And all of a sudden something dawned on me:


It doesn't matter what happens, and it doesn't matter what she thinks of me.

I realized that the fears I was experiencing were more from PROGRAMMING than from reality.

So I started to remind myself as often as possible that the fear wasn't happening because there was any kind of danger... and that my objective in a particular situation wasn't to have it turn out perfect, IT WAS TO LEARN.

So, for instance, if I saw a woman that I wanted to meet, instead of thinking "OK, I have to say something charming and original so she'll like me... and if I screw up I'm going to be embarrassed" I began to think things like "I'm going to learn how to get a woman's phone number within a few minutes of meeting her... and part of learning this is going to be trying a lot of different things that probably aren't going to work... but in the end, it's all going to even out because I'm going to have the SKILL that I want."

See the difference?

Well, let me tell you, that attitude change made a HUGE impact on my success. I was willing to do and try things that I never would have tried in the past for fear of screwing up...

All because I had the attitude of "I'm going to learn something from this and improve my skills... and it doesn't matter what happens in THIS PARTICULAR situation" I was able to improve very rapidly.

And the more I began to apply this idea, the more success I had in ALL areas with women... from the first meeting, to getting them to go out with me, to taking things to a physical level.

That's one good idea for dealing with your fears.

If you'd like to read more of my personal secrets for overcoming fear, including specific mental exercises and physical drills, then I'd recommend that you download a copy of my online eBook "Double Your Dating". It's full of all my very best thinking on this and many other subjects about success with women.

Just go to:


.now and get it. At my website I also give several other great tips and ideas, so make sure and check it out.

And I'll talk to you again soon. Your Friend, David D.

Dating Tip Q&A: Answers To Common Questions About The Products

I get quite a few questions about my book, CD audio series and live seminar, and I thought I'd take a minute and share a little more about them, and answer some common questions.

Probably the biggest question is something like:

"Which one should I get? Or should I get all of them? Do they all cover the same stuff?" etc.

The answer is that each has its own benefits, but you will learn something different from each.

A lot of people seem to have the misconception that my seminars and audio series are just more of the same stuff I cover in my book explained over and over.

To set the records straight, this isn't even close to accurate.

Of course I talk about some of the same concepts in the seminar and audio series, but I also go into depth and teach literally dozens of concepts, techniques, and secrets that I've never shared before anywhere.

I'd estimate that about 80% of the seminar and CD series are totally new material that you haven't heard before and won't hear ANYWHERE.

In fact, I've been working on two new books for about a year now that contain even more great material, and the CD

program and seminar contain a lot of ideas that won't even be available in those books.

If I transcribed the seminar or CD program and printed it all out on paper it would probably be a thousand pages or more... it just wouldn't be practical.

In any event, if you want to really get a mind-blowing experience, check out the audio program.

If you want to feel like superman, come to a seminar.

Both will improve your success with women dramatically.

Now, the next question is "well, should I just buy the audio program and skip the eBook, since everything is covered in the CDs?"

This makes more sense, but the fact is that I actually left out some of the materials that I teach in Double Your Dating because I assume that you will have read my eBook before you make a bigger investment.

Double Your Dating (my eBook) is kind of like a great first album from a new band... it's really very raw and uncensored. It was me putting down on paper the very best ideas and techniques that I had learned, developed, and mastered over the few years that I had put into learning about women and dating.

There's something special about being able to read it in over a few hours and really get the gist of what I think and teach. And it's a great reference manual to use for different situations. The bonus booklets that come along with it are also very useful... they condense some great ideas about personality types, how to get women turned on, etc. in a condensed format.

I think it's the best place to start.

And if you think that listening to the CDs will be "just as good" as coming to a live seminar and actually being involved, then I recommend that you reconsider.

I've put a lot of time, thought, and energy into creating a great three-day program, and the exercises that you'll do with other guys, interaction you'll have with me, and other benefits cannot be duplicated by listening to something passively. I mean, the CDs are killer, but if you really want to get my best, come join me live (The NY seminar is basically sold out... but email if you want to be put on the waiting list).

By the way, I've updated the CD Audio Series page with a bunch of great SAMPLES, and I've put a few letters that I got from listeners. Go check it out, I think you'll enjoy.

They're all at the end of the page: http://www.doubleyourdating.com/advancedseries

And in case you haven't been there lately, the main Double Your Dating page contains some great samples from my eBook. That's all at:


Talk to you in a few days. Your Friend, David D.

THE MAILBAG: Critical Mistakes To Avoid With Women


Dude i must say your a genius. I just graduated from high school, when i was in school i was always shy around girls an didn't know what to say,you've helped me open up my eyes to what i should of been doing a long time ago. Now I've got 2 girls that both want me , an i really dont know how to handle that. Any suggestions????? None of my friends are giving me any good answers. Im sure u have some . Help me out if u get a chance, u dont gotta publish it in your emails u send to everyone . I just really wanna know what to do, i dont want to fu** this up. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

OK, well it doesn't sound like too much of a problem to me. You have two girls that like you, what's the issue?! You're going to have to decide if you'd like:

1) A relationship with one of them.

2) To be single and date both of them.

If you want a relationship, then pick the one you like, and go out with her more than once a week.

If you DON'T want a relationship right now, then don't see EITHER of them more than about once a week (twice once in awhile is OK, but any more than that and a woman will start to go into relationship mode AUTOMATICALLY).

There is no problem with more than one woman liking you, the problem comes if you start being dishonest and not-up-front in your dealings with them.

These are great problems to have, really!

There is a lot of guys that says:

"I want a woman to like me for "who I am"... "I don't want to be pretending like I'm someone else..." "I want to "be myself"... I don't like the idea of pretending to be someone that I'm not... "

I was the typical Nice-Guy-Wussy-Clingy, but I have read your newsletter and I have downloaded your book six months ago, and in six month I have date more women than in six year, first I didn't believe in being Cocky & Funny, but after trying again and again, I have a lot of success and the best of all is that I FEEL that Cocky & Funny is a part of my personality, I ENJOY a lot being Cocky & Funny, but I'm not only C&F with the girls that I meet, I'm C&F with my brother, sister, my friends and with everyone !!!

Thanks David, for all, It's like a dream , Thanks Again.

Some Day I will shake your hand..

JP from Argentina

Congratulations. You've figured something out that a lot of guys NEVER get their entire lives...

You've realized that you can actually enjoy yourself, and make Cocky and Funny, as well as the other techniques, a part of your personality.

I'm glad things are working out for you, and it would be great to shake your hand one day (no kissing, though).

I recently downloaded your e-book, and that combined with your email newsletters have helped me land more email addresses/phone #s in the last several months than the rest of my 24 year life combined. I now see some of the stuff I have been doing wrong over the years and some things to do to correct my behavior and attitudes towards women. The cocky/funny attitude definitely works, when used in the right context. I still feel awkward since I'm fairly new at these new "techniques" but I know I am on the right track.

However, I have some challenging questions for you. Getting a phone number or email address for me obviously hasn't been enough, and I'll explain why:

When I call a girl's phone number, I often don't get through (yes, I remember your figure of something like 1 in 3 times on average). Obviously if I want a date, I'll have to try again later, or leave a message if she has voice mail. That leads me to the first question, should I leave a (cocky/funny) message, or just try again later? I am afraid that leaving a message for someone I hardly know might make me come off as too desperate (so far I have NEVER gotten a response after leaving a message), but then when I call again and again (within reason, I give it some time between calls, and I won't try more than a couple times in a day) attempting to reach a girl in person, I'm afraid that she might have caller ID and figure out that I kept calling her, which would also make me come across as needy and desperate. Or, should I just give up, and move on to somebody else, even with the possibility that the girl I tried calling really likes me and simply wasn't there to answer my call?

My second question is an even tougher one. Over the summer I've emailed about 12 different girls asking for dates. I will provide the text of a typical message in a minute here. However, I have to date gotten ONE response back (there goes your 60% theory...). I originally thought there must be something wrong with my account, but then I realized my emails get prompt responses from other friends and family members, so I don't think this is the case (only once did I get a "delivery failure" notification). So...what is going on here-am I just having an incredibly bad streak of luck, or am I doing something drastically wrong? And if the latter, what is it-am I coming off as a wuss, does my email address turn them off, or what? Now, here is what I said in one of my messages (this is a typical example):

It was nice meeting you at the meteorology picnic, and welcome to the department. I'm curious to know what you're taking as an undergrad, as I came here straight for the graduate program.

I'll have a lot of things to do over the next couple of days, but let's try and get together later this weekend-and we can have some fun and get to know each other better. (My name)

I think that was a pretty good email, although I wonder if maybe I should have asked for her number too...anyway I'll leave it up to you to analyze.

One final question: Should I always get a girl's phone number or email address in the first meeting, if I am sure I will see her again? For example, at the picnic aformentioned in my email example, I met another cute girl at the end of the evening (she's in my academic department, so I know I'll see her again eventually), but she was leaving, I was already on my way to my car, and my hands were completely full with food. Thus it would have been totally inconvenient and awkward to stop and write down an email address or phone number. Is it better just to hold off in certain situations like this one?

Anyways...thanks for any help and advice you can give me. N.

Well, let's start with the good...

Great job getting more email addresses and numbers lately than in the last 24 YEARS!... lol.

You mention above that you've read my book, but what you've said above leads me to believe that you didn't really pay much attention when you did.

I'm not even going to address your issue of calling women, as you should probably be focusing on emailing first.

I guess I'm confused, because you ask for advice about what to do when calling, then you send me a sample EMAIL that to critique. OK, about the email...

Let's start with "It was nice meeting you at the METEOROLOGY picnic, and welcome to the department... "

What kind of lame opening is this?

Then we have "I'm curious to know what you're taking as an undergrad, as I came straight for the graduate program..."

Oh, lord help me.

Next we roll into "...let's try to get together later this weekend--and we can have some fun and get to know each other better... "


You sound like you can't decide whether to ask her to be your study partner, become her school counselor, or subtly imply that you're a perv on a mission.

You want to touch base, keep it light, and get to the next step.

No school stuff, no interview questions, no "fun". Try this when following up:

"Hey, it was nice meeting you last night... what are you up to this week? Would you like to join me for a cup of something wonderful and some stimulating conversation? Talk to me."

...you know, just like it says word-for-word on page 83 of Double Your Dating.

No interviews, no "fun", no lame questions about what she's doing as an undergrad.

OK, I realize that I'm being a little harsh here, and that you're just getting started... lol... but I have to pick on someone!

Remember, no boring, average talk. And until you have something that you KNOW works better, use the materials that you paid for in my book!

As your final assignment, keep me posted on how much better women respond to this new, improved follow-up message.

(Hint: if you still aren't getting responses, then you're doing something when you meet them to give them the creeps.

Think about it, and make some modifications if you have to.)

Dear Jedi Master

I have written several times but my letters were never published. This time I think I have great material to contribute, which can help in your newsletter (one of them is this little face, women love them even if you insert them in the first e-mail you exchange, right after a c & f comment).

First, my success story. I met a girl on-line on one of those dating sites. I didn't expect anything out of it. She had told me she was tall and cute, I didn't believe so but actually, she turned out to be very pretty. We went out on a date at night (she proposed it herself thanks to my c & f e-mails), though I told her I thought it was kind of hasty, I accepted. The whole date I kept composure, I set up a relaxed and calm atmosphere, I just sat, laid back and chatted. The only c & f comment I needed to send in was this one. We were talking about the people we had met on-line. When she asked about my experience, I said I only met a nice girl, pretty and everything, but she was too needy and forward so I had to tell her "let's just be friends". She told me about hers, she went out with a nerd, a geek who kept her the whole night talking about computers and mathematics. I told her that "you don't get everyday such a lucky chance to meet such a cute guy like me". Result, in the end of the date she asked me if she could kiss me, now she is my girlfriend and everything is great so far.

The non verbal cocky and funny examples are many. Once, in a disco I saw a stunning blond walking in. She was very poshy and nose-up. As she passed by me (all the attention was obviously focused on her) I had this genius idea. I followed her imitating her wiggling hips and I squeezed my nose (up) with two fingers (as if to say everybody stinks here, except for me). As a result, everybody around us noticed the slapstick comedy scene and was laughing out loud, even her when she caught me.

Another example is still in a disco scene. I was enjoying my beer with my friends sitting on a table. On the other end of the place there were these two beauties, they were all the time surrounded by loosers and sharks. Another idea flashed in my mind, as our eyes met, I show her my tongue and I gave her a raspberry. Her expression went from surprise (I can't believe you just did that) to smile and then she cracked up in laughter. I kept this up with other strange gestures, like shaking my head as if to say "you're no good", then with other gestures I told her she was a drunkard. Needless to say, I went way further than everybody else. Another gesture you can add after you got her attention, is to raise your eyebrows. This approach is very good from far away cause you can keep it up for a few minutes without even uttering a word, without approaching her directly walking towards her. You don't even have to worry about the loud music. Another gesture you can do is shaking your hand with your fingers held together (a very Italian gesture), as if to say "what do you want from me?". And yes, it is a very good idea to imitate and tease them when they dance. It is so nice and fun to tease them, and they love it too.

My question is this one. I noticed that my girlfriend, when I come out with a cocky and funny statement, still laughs and enjoys it, but at the same time she gets frustrated and tells me to stop it as if she doesn't like it. What does this mean? I keep it up anyhow.

I would like to address also the issue of body language. There are loads of girls who are too shy to look at you straight in the eye. They give you only a side-look. I advise to keep a friend around you so that you can catch these shy birds as well. Message to everyone, get a book about body language, it can save your self-esteem and a lot of time too!

Thanks again, I still have a lot of issues to address but I realize I am making this letter too long.

Thanks again man, keep up the good work

F from Italy

Very nice, I'm glad you wrote in, because I was just working on some "non-verbal" ways of being cocky and funny, and you have figured some of them out yourself.


One great technique you mentioned is IMITATING a woman who is obviously very hot and/or stuck up.

You can pull your shoulders back, stick out your butt, and put your nose in the air... then look over at her... then laugh at yourself.

If a woman gives you a compliment, you can purse your lips and put on an exaggerated "James Bond" Mr. Cool look and say "she wants me" right to her face.

There are a million ways... great stuff.

To answer your question, I think it's a good idea to always keep doing what worked in the beginning.

If a woman was attracted to you because you were Cocky and Funny, then keep doing it later as well. If she puts up a fuss, just say "I'm glad you like it."

The best way to keep a woman's interest is do KEEP DOING WHAT WORKED IN THE FIRST PLACE.


I read your newsletters religiously and they have come in quite handy, I gotta say.

A two mos. ago, a friend and I were in a coffee shop when he spotted a female acquaintance of his. He talked to her a bit and said, "This is my friend...". I look at her and say, "What's up? I'm D." This girl gives me the bitchiest look I've ever seen and in her most appalled tone of voice she says, "Ummmmmm, WHAT'S UP?" as if I should address her, "Your Highness". "What do you want me to do [her name], bow down and kiss your hand, your Highness?"...when I said this, she was in shock b/c I just tore down her brat barrier and she tried to regain composure. Well sometime later, we fooled around some and got along pretty well. The catch is, after we fool around she gets clingy (like some wussy guy would do). Dave, have I dug a hole for myself with this? I'd rather give up the action than have some brat getting all emotional and clingy for me...what do you say?


D. Indiana

Yea, this is a funny thing. If you bust a stuck-up woman's chops enough to break through the "Brat Barrier", as you call it, she'll often become VERY attached to you.

It's almost as if attractive women have been walking around challenging every man they meet, and when you meet the challenge she rolls over.

And I'll tell you what, I'd rather give up a woman than have her be emotionally needy and clingy myself.

You just have to figure out why she's being clingy... is it because she's a damaged person on the inside, because you led her to believe that you wanted a relationship, or some other reason, and do what makes sense.

Good job busting through the "Brat Barrier". I might just steal that name...

First off, mad props for taking the time to write a book that everyone can read and use. I have yet to buy it (next week I will though - payday), but I have been receiving your newsletters and enjoying the material in there.

Now after receiving your emails for a few weeks, I decided to try using the cocky and funny approach on every girl I came across (I've always been too shy to do this consistently.. only situationally). So I did this at work, at coffee shops, at the bar, you name it. I hadn't tried the email/number techniques yet though. And I had only been doing this for a week when I happened to meet a girl that was incredibly attractive, smart, and just the complete package. So she received my largest C&F effort yet. It worked like a charm! We talked for only a few minutes the first time we met but I left an impression. The second time we met, we chatted and joked around for a few hours and I asked her on a date, which she readily accepted.

So we went on that date, and things went great. I was nervous about going out with her, but from the start I made the decision that I wanted to use her for practise. I know that sounds bad to alot of people, but it's more of a frame of mind than anything else. So anyhow, we went to dinner first (yeah -1 know), we talked, we joked, we had a good time. Then we went to a movie (which was originally the plan, to just go see this movie we both wanted to see, and that was all.. the dinner was tacked on by her really), and I tried a form of a kiss test.

Since we had already reached a level of comfort/friendliness through conversation, it was time to check out physical playfulness. So during the movie (comedy), there were a lot of funny moments as expected. Well, one of them was hilarious and we both went nuts laughing, so I did the laugh and slap your own leg thing.. except I used her leg. And I did it lightly enough so that it won't leave a mark, but stung a bit. Which is what I wanted actually. She responded by saying "hey, that hurt!" while smiling at me, so I said "oh, poor baby, want me to kiss it better?". She got off on my playfulness and raised her leg up so I could kiss it. So I kissed her leg, and I said "There you go kid, all better!", and I followed that up with "I hope I don't have to hit you in the face to get a kiss!":) I still laugh when I think of that one. She thought that was so funny she just cracked right up, it was great! A little off the wall, but great! Then I just waited for the next funny part, which was like, 10 seconds later, and I looked into her eyes, down to her lips, and back to her eyes, and kissed her. She was incredibly responsive.

Now, I'm talking in slow motion here because that portion setup what has been a great thing between myself and this girl since that date. But I need to fast forward to the problem part. So to fill in the gaps in a rather boring fashion, the date led to a next day hot-tub at her place (she called me), and sex the day after that. She was completely into me. We had spent almost every single day together for the next 3 weeks. Anytime I tried to take a day off, she wouldn't have any of that. The sex was amazing, and got better and better each time. And that all led to the problem:

She through me a wicked wicked curv ball that I didn't expect or see coming, and I didn't react the way I should have. She not only came out and said 'I love you', she followed that up with 'I think you are the one '!!! That is some deep, serious shit right there. That through me off my game big time. It was like being at the plate with no bat while Randy Johnson throws fastballs at me. 'Holy shit!'

I ended up having a day (the next day), where I really needed to be alone, and quiet, to contemplate this whole scene. Unfortunately, she said those words while we were on a camping trip... so when I was acting quiet and distant, she didn't know what to do. She hadn't seen me like that. So I played it off like I was grumpy. That wasn't really the best move, but I was feeling confused. Here I have this amazing chick who has just said some incredibly huge words to me. I was stuck, and it turned me into a wuss again:( That day of the camping trip sucked, and it was a short camping trip (arrived friday night, left sunday morning), so it wasn't a very good one. The friday night was amazing, but what she said setup the confusion for the rest of it.

So on the Monday after we got back, we sat down and talked, and decided that it was much too early for that and we should take a step back and hold the 'I love you' stuff for another time. Well, that lasted until that friday when she came over and said "I've been thinking about this alot, and I am SO in love with you. I know we said we didn't want to go there, but you are just so amazing I can't picture my life without you." Another curv ball. Another wussifying statement. And once again, I felt confused and a little overwhelmed. She has everything I want in a woman, and she's telling me that I'm what she wants in a man. Well, that changed all too quickly. I turned into a wuss. For some dumb reason, I felt that her confessions of love required me to be more sentimental, caring, and lubby dubby. What the hell was I thinking!!! Exactly one week after that, and about 4 days of me being completely off my game and catering to her needs, she decides that she has lost the attraction. She didn't say exactly that, but it was obvious by our sex life which all of a sudden disappeared. So we discussed it, and she felt like being with me was like "training a puppy" because I lacked confidence in my actions. At that point, I knew she was right because lately, I wasn't acting confident in my actions. I let all of my actions and decisions take her feelings into consideration first, which ends up making me hesitate and appear to lack confidence. At the same time, during the 3 or 4 days prior to that talk, she had stopped liking my jokes and taking things offensively. I was not impressed with that. So I brought that up after her "training a puppy" comment, and I followed it up with a "you know what... we're done."

And that was it, I broke up with her. Now I'm sitting here thinking about how amazing this girl is, and how the only reason we aren't together is because I acted like a wuss after the "I love you"'s came out. The thing is, everyone around us seen a stronge love between myself and this girl, and nobody can believe it turned out like this. Neither can I, but at least I know why.

Problem now, is that I know that we had a stonge love (as early as it was), and I want that back. I know how wussy that sounds, but I feel like this ended prematurely. I feel confident that I can go out and get numbers and get dates, etc... but it doesn't feel right at this point.

I am tempted to call her and at least say "It's too bad things didn't work out between us, but I would like to remain friends, blaw blaw blaw...". It has only been a little over a day since we broke up (sunday now, and we broke up friday night), so I don't know if I should even bother calling her, or if I should wait a couple days to see if she calls me, or whatever. I don't want to wait to be honest. Despite what happened this past week, she is still someone that is incredibly special. No other girl I've met has had her qualities. Which is what makes this so damn tough. So any advice you can throw me is more than appreciated. What should I do here Dave?

Thanks, J.

Your letter was long, but I had to include it. Let this be a lesson to you... DON'T TURN INTO A WUSSY. Don't do it.

And the most important reason is the one you've demonstrated with your situation: Because you'll screw up the one situation that really matters, when and if it comes.

Women are NOT attracted to WUSSIES.

And men tend to start acting like wussies when they really like a girl.

Here's what to do:

2) Go date other women, IMMEDIATELY.

3) If you talk to her again because you ran into her or she calls you, MENTION THAT YOU'RE DATING OTHER WOMEN, AND DO THE THINGS YOU DID WHEN YOU FIRST MET HER THAT ATTRACTED HER IN THE FIRST PLACE. (If you don't hear from her for a few weeks or a month, you may call her ONCE.)

4) Write "I will not act like a WUSS-BAG again." 1,000 times. Now, go and be a Wussy no more.

Hey there David. Great work! I love your mailbags and tips. They are very informative and useful and have worked wonders for my dating life. Anyways, to the point. I wanted to share a good C+F line that has worked more than I expected it to... And yes, I thought of it. It works good for guys who have to overcome shyness as well. Okay it goes something like this.

The girl you are talking to knows you are shy. So you bust on her with C+F a bit then you mention that you are kind of different when you get to know people better. Then you say I guess I'm like M&M's. You got to get past that hard candy shell and get to the sweet, sweet, chocolatty center (And say sweet, sweet, chocolatty center in a Homer Simpson voice if you want. I find it makes it funnier). They nearly always laugh at this one. Then you say something to the effect of I'm not even going to get into how else I'm like M&M's. 95% of chicks get this... And it's got me to my final destination many a time. ;P ... You can even follow up if they make a comment that I hate how women see me as some type of sexual object; a piece of meat if you will. (And in a sorta whiney but funny voice), ITS SO DEGRADING! They love that :P Thanks for everything Dave and keep up the great work... I'm saving up for your book but I'm hella poor so it might take a couple of weeks. LOL.

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