We'd like to thank the following predecessors:
The late Milton Erickson, M.D., from whose work most modern covert persuasion techniques are directly derived;
Richard Bandler and John Grinder, the developers of Neurolinguistic Programming (NLP), who first deconstructed, clarified, and codified Erickson's work, and then proceeded to radically, dramatically advance the state of the art;
And Ross Jeffries, who applied NLP to the process of seduction, and demonstrated that women rationalize erotically-charged metaphors as being innocently poetic, even while they find themselves being aroused...
"What!" he said. "Do you not realize that there are souls in endless torment? They are craving for dreams and action, the purest passions, the wildest pleasures, and thus they cast into all kinds of fantasies, and foolishness."
Then she looked at him just as you gaze upon a traveler come from a far-away land...
"Look at us, for instance," he said, "why did we meet? By what decree of Fate? It must be because, across the void, like two rivers irresistibly converging, our unique inclinations are pushing us towards one another."
And now he took her hand; she didn't take it back again.
--Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary
Women and men are different. They experience emotion differently; they experience language differently; they experience sexual arousal differently. You can learn to arouse a woman's emotions and sexuality with words alone.
What is this book about?
This book is about how to get a woman aroused and attracted to you very quickly—within the space of minutes.
This book is not about dating. This book is not about becoming a nicer, more caring, more sensitive guy. This book is not about specifying exactly how many days you should wait before calling her, or what kind of cologne to wear. If you're the kind of person that wants that kind of book, be my guest—there are plenty out there. This book is not meant for that kind of person.
On the other hand, if you're the kind of man that wants to learn a fast, efficient, direct, reliable, real-world method for getting women physically and emotionally aroused, this book is meant for you.
To use what this book will teach you, you don't need looks, money, or youth. You don't need a limo, a Lear jet, a swimmer's body, or a movie-star's face.
All you need is the ability to say words out loud.
From this book, you will learn the following:
• How to seize a woman's attention
• How to engage and stimulate her emotions
• How to speak in ways that unleash her emotional needs
• How to rapidly arouse her body without even touching her
How can one little book teach you all this, in ways that are easy to learn and use? By isolating crucial principles, like these:
• The structure of female emotional experience
• The structure of female language
• The connection between female language and emotion
This book is about how female sexual arousal works, and how you can use women's built-in sexual systems to give you pleasure.
A warning: You will probably doubt much of what you will read in this book; you will probably doubt that men and women can be as different as I will suggest. The power of these models and techniques will only be apparent after you actually use them in conversation with women.
I. Monkey Hear, Monkey Feel
Many years ago, I was sitting at a café when a fairly average-looking man in his late thirties sat down nearby a striking young blonde of nineteen or twenty. She paid no attention to him. Within a few minutes, though, he had started telling her of how she resembled a friend of his in college. He went on to talk about how much he'd loved college, and how much he'd enjoyed traveling when in college, and how much he'd enjoyed meeting people in college, and how much he'd enjoyed travelling and meeting people and getting laid when in college. He went on and on, talking about how friends of his had travelled to Berlin, and been picked up by strangers; how he had gone to Paris, and been picked up in a café; how wonderful it was to suddenly become attracted to a stranger. He proceeded to recount increasingly improbable stories he'd read, he claimed, in the newspaper, of a drunken man climbing in the wrong window and making love to a woman not his wife; of a woman who decided to quit her boring job and start her own business, the moment she found herself falling for a stranger who entered her workplace one day; of a rock band questioned by the police because of sex acts they were alleged to have performed with groupies during a public performance. Etc.
The stories this fellow told were increasingly unrelated; in fact, they were linked only by their theme: Sex.
And was the young lady upset or embarrassed by this?
Well, her face and upper chest were certainly red. And she began to quiver in her seat. And she often seemed to stop breathing entirely. And her mouth was slightly agape, and her pupils looked as big as nickels.
So, no, she wasn't upset—she was really turned on. In time, when the man's friend and ride appeared, such that the man had to go, the girl ripped open her purse and hurriedly scribbled her number without the man even asking for it. She made him promise to call her.
As you can imagine, this incident gave me some food for thought.
In case you're wondering, the man's success in this case wasn't dependent on extraordinary luck—the chance of finding the one woman in a million aroused by such talk. Actually, very very few women won't be. When I have free time, I go to a bookstore or a college campus, find a pretty girl I've never seen before—and one, frankly, who likely is not in the least bit attracted to me-- , say things that would have seemed preposterous to me even a few years ago, and thereby get her so worked up I can play with her body, then and there, to my heart's delight.
Words are tools for giving other people new experiences; if someone else hasn't seen a whale rise up and spout water into the air, yet you have, you can put the things you saw, heard, and felt at the time into words, convey these words to your listener, and your listener will begin to imagine the experience. As he or she begins to imagine the experience, he or she will begin to feel some of the sensations described, because the unconscious mind must identify with an experience, must feel it, in order to understand it.
The approach taken by the man with the young blonde was successful—but it also seems absurd.
An unattractive woman, we tell ourselves, would not become attractive to a man, just by offering him a few flimsy words.
How could a man entice a woman, just by talking?
Why, if that were so, it would mean that men and women really are different. It might even mean that there exist extremely efficient and effective ways of making women attracted, aroused, and satisfied—ways that men are rarely taught, and usually never discover.
It might mean that when you finish reading this book and steadily, consistently, systematically apply what it teaches you, your life, and the lives of the women you meet, will be a great deal more fun.
You can arouse women much more quickly, and do so with shocking speed and ease.
This book will show you how.
II. Women are Different
Pretend you're on a street corner, about to cross. Just before the light changes, a strikingly pretty young woman appears beside you. You smile and say, "Hi, I'm Bob. Let's have sex!"
Odds are, that approach won't work. Neither, likely, will removing your clothes and parading what you've got. And no, suddenly pawing her won't get you anywhere either, except possibly the nearest police station.
The thing is, were a pretty woman to approach you and do any of the things above, would you not, at the least, be tempted to have a sudden fling? If she were sincere, wouldn't there be a fair possibility that you and she would soon adjourn to the nearest motel?
Men often wonder why women seem so indirect and hesitant when it comes to sexuality. In a sense, they really aren't so terribly hesitant— they're eagerly waiting to respond to different signals than the ones men feel and usually send. Because women respond so easily to language, and because men don't usually bother learning how to use language in the very particular (and to men, very bizarre) way that women need and use it, most women are left unsatisfied...or, as they would say, "unfulfilled". Women have a built-in, automatic, enormously responsive sexual system of which men rarely avail themselves.
This sexual system has a key.
It's as if a man is constantly pounding, pounding, pounding at the side door of a woman's home, thinking it's the front door; and the woman waits, despondently, disappointedly, behind her front door, waiting and waiting for someone to ring the bell. Eventually, after she has a few drinks or gets really lonely, or if the guy pounding away is really handsome, rich, or sensitive, she might answer that side door (which is often locked and barred, and something of a hassle to get to), but there's always the thought—Why doesn't anyone just come in the right way?
This book is about showing you the right way; this book is about giving you The Sexual Key.
The Sexual Key method proceeds from several simple ideas. Some of them may at first seem exaggerated, objectionable, or unrealistic; nonetheless, we invite you to put your existing notions aside, and judge the usefulness of SK's presuppositions only after you apply SK's techniques in the real world, and see at first-hand the responses SK can produce in the women you meet...
While reading, keep the following general ideas in the back of your mind:
1. Men and women really are profoundly different; radically different things arouse them; you can attract and arouse women very easily and quickly when you utilize women's natural patterns of arousal.
2. Women respond to language much more powerfully than do men; certain conversational formulas can exert emotional and erotic impact on women that goes far beyond what men would expect to experience.
3. Women have stronger and more numerous emotional responses than do men.
4. Women are more strongly influenced by their internal, emotional responses to the external world, and by their responses to their responses, than by the external world itself.
5. Women's internal responses—their emotions—are easily and profoundly influenced by language; you can use language to radically redirect their emotions.
The precise, systematic, and practical techniques of Sexual Key—the techniques that will allow you to apply the ideas above to extraordinarily powerful effect-form the remainder of this book.
III. Aural Sex
Imagine saying to a woman: "The way I look at it, when you feel truly relaxed, truly comfortable, it's as if the deepest places inside you begin to come alive, in a way that makes you feel renewed, energized, stimulated, and you feel a freedom that makes it easy to allow yourself to truly open to and surrender to your own deepest passions."
Sounds ridiculous, doesn't it?
If you heard a guy say that, you'd probably think, What an idiot.
On the other hand, if a woman heard a guy say that, she'd probably think, Wow! At last, a man who's truly in touch with his feelings!
More to the point, if the guy continued to say things like that, she'd find herself rapidly growing intrigued, attracted, and aroused—even if the guy isn't good-looking.
This kind of language sounds absurd to men, but poetic and deeply erotic to women.
And yes, it sounds this way to intelligent and tasteful women, too.
Over the course of this book, you will learn the principles involved in turning women on, fast, with words alone.
For purposes of seduction, the most important and immediately accessible female sexual organ is the ear.
In order to give women the emotional experiences they fantasize about, and to get them incredibly aroused and sexually responsive fantastically quickly—so that you can get what you want--you're going to learn to use words in an entirely new way.
In a sense, you are going to be learning an entirely new language; rather, a new dialect of the language you already know. It's an easy language to learn—the challenge is realizing that this other language exists, and then getting comfortable speaking it.
Some of the things you will find yourself saying in this other language will sound laughable.
Still, you will learn to speak this funny-sounding other language, because you will learn for yourself that things that sound laughable and preposterous to men can be irresistibly erotic for women.
It's like this: The ear—what you tell her--allows the rest of her to feel turned on, whether by imagery or bodily feelings.
Does this just mean saying, "I really really really love you" a lot? Nope. Saying I love you/need you/want to marry you, etc., has very very little to do with what we're talking about.
Let's get scientific for a moment. Researchers have performed functional Magnetic Resonance Imaging studies— the brain imaging procedures known as fMRI scans--on both women and men as they listened to language. They then compared the two groups' results.
Is there a difference?
Basically, women use both halves of their brains to understand words. Men, on the other hand, pretty much just use the logical half. So women analyze words and speech logically, as men do—but they also plug in their emotions.
Women don't just interpret words logically; they also experience them emotionally.
Men are turned on by imagery—seeing or imagining a naked woman (or naked man, as the case may be).
Women are turned on by language, which allows them to feel comfortable and aroused by the experience of seeing or imagining a naked man. Once you understand this fact, and know how to use particular words in particular ways, turning on women becomes very, very easy—as easy and automatic as turning on a man by showing him a pretty girl as she slowly removes all her clothes.
And learning exactly, specifically how to use language to rev women up is what this book is all about.
Let's back up a bit.
Men need only see a not-hideous naked woman to get sexually aroused. Men then want to take action, and have sex with this woman-there and then, preferably.
Women are aroused by the sight of an attractive naked man, and aroused by the thought of sex, but then other processes kick in. They consider the many, many possible consequences of sex, including pregnancy, the shattering of their existing relationships, and so forth. They can be aroused, but then have thoughts about being aroused, which can easily neutralize this arousal.
Women have feelings about feelings, and feelings about feelings about feelings, and their initial feelings will overruled by their subsequent feelings—which in turn will determine whether or not they stay for that nightcap after all.
For example, a woman's arm might be brushed by a man's hand. The physical feeling is of warmth and friction. She might be excited by this. In addition to physically feeling warmth, and physically feeling excitement— in the sense of a quickened heart rate, focused attention, heightened muscle tone--, she might also, emotionally, feel eagerness. Her eagerness might lead up to a feeling of lust. Her lust might lead up to a desire to "open herself" more emotionally. Her desire to open herself emotionally might lead up to a desire to open herself physically. This might lead up to a memory of the last time something like this happened. This might lead up to a sense of shame, which might lead up to guilt, which might lead up to a sense of powerlessness, which might lead up to anger. If anger is the emotion that the other feelings lead to, it'll take precedence over "simpler" feelings, things like excitement, lust, and so forth. Her abstract values and emotions will override the pleasures of physical stimulus, and might even make that stimulus physically unpleasant. Voila, you have a pissed-off girl.
Most men's emotions aren't nearly so complex.
Whereas male sexuality is driven most intensely by bodily feelings, female sexuality is driven by bodily feelings as mingled with feelings about those feelings—emotions. Emotions, though rooted in the body, are shaped and guided by words.
Now that we've introduced some concepts, let's move to our first technique: the Double Lollipop.
1. Men and women process language differently.
2. Men and women process emotions differently.
3. Words, for women, produce strong emotions.
4. Women tend to experience long chains of emotional responses to a given physical event; the emotions at the far end of the chain, the most abstract emotions, tend to be much more important for her than the physical event at the beginning of the chain.
5. You can rapidly arouse women by using words in very particular ways.
IV. The Double Lollipop, or, The Two Types of Language that Women Like
The first technique we'll cover will also answer two questions you may already have wondered: What kinds of language do women like, and is it really so different from what men like?
The best way to answer these questions is by comparing two examples.
Example One: "I went for a run yesterday. It felt good."
Example Two: "I went for a run yesterday. It felt really good. The sky was gray and cloudy, and the air had this cool, soft, damp quality to it. I was wearing my really bright blue running suit, and everything else looked dim in comparison, like I was the center of all the energy. It was a very freeing experience. It's exciting when you feel so free that you sense yourself opening up, as if there's a lock deep inside which had become stiff and rusty and stuck, but something about how alive and aware and balanced you now feel makes you feel as if this lock is now shining, it's silvery and polished, it's now increasingly and perfectly greased and lubricated, and this lock now smoothly, smoothly opens, opens wider and wider, and the more it opens, the more liberated and excited you feel!"
Example One uses language in a way that men expect, that men are content hearing, and that women often find flat and uninspiring.
Example Two uses language in a way that men find irritating, and that women find intensely exciting.
Men and women experience language in radically different ways, and enjoy different styles of language.
You may have noticed that there are two unusual kinds of language used in the second description. One is emotional abstraction—the words in boldface, like exciting and aware and liberated. These words are vague; they refer to emotional states, without telling you anything about what specifically to see, hear, feel, smell, or taste. The other kind, which is underlined, represents the extreme opposite—that is, exact language that presents explicit sensory information—instructions on what to see, hear, tactilely feel, smell, or taste. This kind of information specifies color, texture, tone, flavor, scent.
For convenience, we'll refer to emotional abstractions as bubblewords.
We'll refer to sensory-specific terms as sensewords.
The middle-ground between these two extremes is what men tend to describe. That is, men tend to reduce descriptions to compact summaries, e.g., "I went for a run. It felt good." These descriptions seek to convey the facts efficiently. For men, being "detailed" means supplying measurements, quantities and statistics—numbers.
Women emphasize the extremes—bubblewords and sensewords— in order to convey the subjective experience with richness and depth. Because they expect words to produce powerful emotions in their listeners and themselves, women often use repetition, in order to squeeze as much emotional juice as possible from the act of describing an experience. For women being "detailed" means supplying subjective perceptions—colors and textures, feelings and reactions.
Male speech is information-based. It's meant to give you enough info to draw a mental map of an event.
Female speech is experience-based. It's meant to give you enough info to subjectively experience an event.
It's easy to quickly make women feel good—just describe pleasurable experiences with much more sensory details and references to emotion than you think necessary—in fact, include as much detail and emotion as you possibly can.
Some phrases, like emotional connection, are relatively vague and abstract; some phrases, like blue Corvette, are relatively concrete and specific. A chart can help us map this hierarchy of abstraction:
Imagine a lollipop—there's a big hunk of candy at one end, and the rest is stick.
Now imagine another lollipop, one turned upside down and then set directly underneath the first lollipop. What you wind up seeing, then, is a line with two large dots at either end.
We call this shape the Double Lollipop.
What's the point?
The point is this: the kinds of information that men usually don't bother to describe—vague emotions on the one hand and fine sensory details on the other—both make women feel incredibly good. For women, both types taste like candy.
The kind of terse summaries that men usually talk in—"Yeah, the beach was nice"—leave women unsatisfied. They taste like the stick.
Don't settle for brief, concise descriptions. Don't stick with the boring middle of the spectrum.
Give women the verbal candy they want.
Examples of the Two Types of Candy
Continue reading here: Sensewords
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