Dilated Pupils SofL Eyes
Dilating your pupils when you talk about an emotion makes it seem as if you are inwardly focused on that emotion, and feeling that emotion intensely. And as you know, when you yourself exhibit an emotion, it becomes much, much easier to elicit that emotion in the person to whom you're talking.
When your pupils are dilated, you look as if you are focused on inward experience—that is, you look as if you are in trance. When you look as if you are in trance, you are inviting her, and making it seem safe, for her to go into trance.
By seeming to orient inward, in the manner that a woman naturally orients inward, you encourage her to orient inward. You encourage her to ignore the physical world—sights, sounds, the crowd around her, what you look like—and make it safe for her to explore and be overwhelmed by her feelings. Talk about good feelings, and as you both stand there, tranced-out, she will feel the good feelings that you describe. You will become the man who leads her to good feelings.
And remember, your pupils dilate naturally when you are attracted to someone; dilating your pupils makes you more attractive, in turn, to others.
To dilate your pupils, relax your eyes' focus; use your peripheral vision. Relax your focus, and become more aware of the objects to each side of your focal point.
XXXI. Congruent Embodiment, or Reinforcing Your Bubblewords with Your Body
You can use your body and voice to intensify the impact of your bubblewords.
Remember when we said that your female listener automatically internally generates a meaning for your bubblewords? That's true, but it's not quite the whole story.
While she will internally generate a meaning for the bubbleword, how intensely she feels it, in the moment she hears it from your lips, will be affected enormously by what you are doing with your facial expression and body and voice.
You'll find much more detailed information on this topic in Gut Impact, but we'll now make a brief thumbnail sketch of the issue. Following is a list of simple binary descriptions:
open, closed hard, soft choppy, smooth tense, loose fast, slow
Note that these descriptions are vague—they aren't exact prescriptions for behavior, but evaluations of behavior. They're labels.
In order to strengthen the impact of your bubblewords, experiment with ways of embodying the above descriptions using the many facets of expression. Remember, every part of your body is communicating something: stillness—not moving—is a communication. Where do you position your arms? How slowly or quickly do you move them? As you gesture, do your hands come together in front of you, or spread wide?
Are the muscles of your face and arms and shoulders tense or loose?
Your nonverbal expressions should reflect your words. If you are talking about wonder, make your nonverbal behavior open, loose, expansive; make sure your eyes widen, your arms spread, your glance flicks upward. If you are talking about passion or intensity, narrow your eyes, limit your gestures to the space in front of you, tilt your head downward. If you are talking about love, make your gestures smooth and your expression soft; if you are talking about dangerous, crazed obsession, make your face and gestures hard and choppy and tense
(come to think of it, maybe you should leave "obsession" off the conversational menu.).
The appendix on "Internal Alignment" may give you some more ideas. As noted, for information, check out "Gut Impact", also available from www.sexualkey.com.
The more thoroughly you embody the bubblewords you are describing, the more powerfully and thoroughly she will feel them.
XXXII. Inner Wealth, or Giving Her All You've Got, Without Having to Buy Her Anything
Get a piece of paper and a pen. This is one of the most important parts of this book. In this section, you'll learn how to turn the raw material of your life into ammunition. You'll learn how to transform the details of your life and your dreams into the inner wealth a woman craves. Jot down the following things:
1 Your job
2 Something you do for fun
3 Something you really want to do but haven't done yet
4 Something you've done and really loved
5 Some experience you had that is at least somewhat, mildly unusual
6 Some places you've been
7 Something you do for fun which would probably bore most people
8 Particulars about a time you fell in love, or a friend of yours fell in love, or movies you've seen or stories you've read about falling in love
Now go through each of the things you've written down, and think of how the various parts of each item—and every item can be broken down into many, many parts--can be related to one of the following positive emotions:
2) absorption/fascination/dreaminess/childlike perceptions/surrender to something greater
3) emotional connection to other people
7) doing things unconsciously, automatically, instinctively
8) sexual arousal
To break each item down, consider the following questions: What, specifically, was I seeing at the time, and what would she see if she were in my position? What was I imagining? What was I hearing or telling myself? What was I feeling emotionally or physically?
When assembling these descriptions, concentrate on linking the experiences to the emotional states. Fudge all you need to. Even if you hate your job, for example, or that trip to Yellowstone was the most boring three days of your life, imagine what, in the best of all possible worlds, could be or could have been worthwhile about those experiences. Milk them, and take all the time you need.
To get you started, here's an example: Making widgets. Even though you may despise making widgets all day at the widget factory, you can still convert the experience into a tapestry of rich details and narratives.
"When Joe next to me hands me the widget, I always find myself taking a deep breath—just instinctively, you know—and then I find myself getting totally absorbed in the process of examining the thing in front of me. You know, you just feel that place of passion open up inside of you, because you're beginning to feel this emotional and even spiritual connection. This is what you feel, when you know going to do the thing that's important right now. It's as if, in that moment, I'm a kid again, maybe seven years old. And I'm in awe of this piece of blue wood, orange plastic, and gunmetal gray steel that's in my hands. I think of all the people whose lives I'm going to touch by making this widget as perfect as can be, and this is incredibly exciting. When I think of this sense of connection, I feel this warmth flow up through my solar plexus, down my legs, along my arms, pulsing, pulsing, pulsing. The widget feels good in my hands, because I've handled lots of widgets, and I now have a deep, instinctive comfort with them—it may sound silly, but it's a kind of oneness. I mean, you know what that's like? You know, it's the kind of feeling that comes from just surrendering to a sense of connection, and going with it. It's a kind of artistry. I feel being an artist is mainly a matter of how you feel about what you do. I'm a widget-maker, and my hands know exactly how to make certain things feel good."
When you read the paragraph above, you probably thought, That's the lamest, most banal and idiotic bullshit I've ever read. Most women would laugh in my face if I spouted off like that.
Well, guess what. Women's brains really are wired differently, and they process language differently. Different kinds of language appeal to them. If you want to see what I mean, go try to read a romance novel. Email me if you get more than ten pages in without getting totally lost or thoroughly nauseous.
In any case, realizing that women are wired to respond to language which men would find incomprehensible or ludicrous, and then learning how to dish it out, at will, with exactly the right delivery, is critical if you want to able to walk into any given room and fondle the breasts of the prettiest girl there within five to ten minutes.
XXXIII. A Map of the World: Two Strategies for Seduction
All of the techniques and distinctions you are learning to use have a single goal: Leading your female listener to experience more pleasure than she was experiencing a moment before.
There are two basic strategies you can employ to further this goal:
1. Get her thinking about a pleasurable experience, one that she hadn't really considered before.
2. Get her thinking about some pleasurable fantasy or memory that's latent within her.
Approach One, in which you tell her about an experience--your experience, perhaps, or your friend's experience, or really, any experience- without asking for any information from her, is usually the best place to start.
When you start off telling her about an experience, as opposed to asking her about her experiences or values, she's much less likely to feel threatened, invaded, or put on the spot. By feeding her descriptions filled with sensewords and bubblewords, you make her feel good while letting her feel safe. From her perspective, it seems as if you are inviting her into your inner world.
Basically, you are taking her out of her present circumstances, and by feeding her rich, pleasurable descriptions, you are taking her someplace she will like more.
Once you feed one pleasurable description, feed her another and another and another. Describe a given emotion three or five or seven ways. Take your time. Then move to another, slightly more intense emotion. Move from talking about comfort, for example, to talking about learning. Describe that emotion three or five or seven ways, at length and in detail. Quote a friend, real or imaginary, on the subject of the emotion you're describing, so that you seem to be telling your listener your friend's opinion on the matter.
Approach Two consists of probing your listener's inner world—that is, her beliefs, values, fantasies, and pleasurable memories—and then using what she tells you to increase her pleasure. Once your listener has relaxed, and if she seems comfortable answering questions about herself, find out her values. Ask her questions like, What makes your good friends different from your friends?, and then, What makes your lovers different from your good friends? Ask her what she likes about what she studies, or her job. Feed the values, the bubblewords s that she names back to her—if she talks about how important "challenge" or "excitement" is, wait awhile, then start describing "challenge" or "excitement" in descriptive, "romantic" ways. You can have her think of a pleasant memory, and then experiment with her subjective experience of the memory. For example, you can tell her to make the mental picture larger, brighter, more colorful—tell her to look at the memory as if she's experiencing it, instead of seeing herself in the image--tell her to make the picture a movie rather than a still frame. You can tell her to make the sounds in the memory louder, or tell her to hear the sounds from the memory seem to come from outside herself. You can tell her to notice where in her body the good feelings begin, and then notice the texture and temperature of those feelings—tell her to make the feeling more intense, and to move the feeling through her body, or feel it around her, engulfing her. Et cetera. (These subjective details of perception, seemingly trivial but in fact bizarrely powerful, are called submodalities in NLP.) Once you know one of her pleasant fantasies (relaxing on a beach, for example) or memories, you can describe it back to her, using rich sensory detail and while describing emotion after emotion after emotion.
Ideally, you should combine the two approaches. In most cases, you should begin by describing pleasant states. After you've engaged her attention, made her comfortable and relaxed, you should ask questions that elicit her values, and perhaps her fantasies. Once you know her values, feed her values—her emotional keywords--back to her; offer more pleasant descriptions, with her keywords sewn into your descriptions. And as you evoke stronger emotions and elicit more intense emotions, you can probe for deeper information about her desires—information that you then use in the next group of descriptions. And so on, back and forth. Describe; probe; describe.
As you create more and more rapport, going deeper into the Inward Spiral that is her Self, you can describe more and more potent emotions. Having begun with comfort, you can proceed to wonder, thence to pleasure, thence to passion, and finally to love or passion or surrender. As you describe states of ever greater intensity, your descriptions should begin to include more and more erotic metaphors. Remember, so long as you act as if you don't realize your metaphors can be interpreted as being sexually suggestive, she'll have a very strong tendency to rationalize that you're not being sexual. She'll instead remind herself that you're being passionate and intense and poetic...even though she's getting sexually aroused.
XXXIV. Action, or, The Basics You Need to Remember when Talking to Women
When applying Sexual Key, just keep four elements in mind:
Double Lollipop: bubblewords and sensewords;
Inward Spiral: her focus on internal experience rather than the physical world, and her tendency to go into trance and feel good when you offer many bubblewords clustered together
Chamber of Discovery: emotions as erotic experiences of penetration and fulfillment
Soft Eyes: dilating your eyes and looking inwardly focused
Invoke the Double Lollipop in every sentence—start talking about bubblewords as quickly as possible. Remember, you don't need to make logical transitions.
For women, emotions are perfectly valid points of connection. If you want to move from talking about Topic A to talking about Topic B, say that you feel Emotion X when experiencing A—and oh, come to think of it, you also feel Emotion X when you're experiencing B. If she likes shopping and you want to talk about the emotions and sensations of skiing, use emotion as the connective link: "Yeah, it's good that you like shopping, and there's something you know you can enjoy, something that makes you. feel really good. With me.when I want to feel really, really good, the kind of pleasure that just drives and drives deep inside you, I go skiing. When you're skiing, you can almost feel a luscious sense of blah blah blah..."
Don't expect an immediate positive response; women are frequently initially skeptical. The more you talk and demonstrate your ability to use the Double Lollipop—that is, the more you demonstrate your ability to rouse her emotions—the engaged she'll become.
Oftentimes, it's as though she has some armor, which you can remove bit by bit, just by hanging in there and using the formulas above steadily, repetitively, consistently.
Because she focuses on internal experience, you can easily move from talking about emotions and internal responses to increasingly intense physical contact. How? Keep your eyes dilated and touch her as you talk; it'll seem as though touching her is something natural and unselfconscious for you, and therefore something with which she can feel comfortable. It's as though in touching her while you describe internal experiences, the act of touching her is an internal experience the two of you are sharing.
To make this work, though, you must seem relaxed; keep your pupils dilated. Obviously, as she gets more and more aroused, your touches can become more intimate.
XXXV. Pickup Outline
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