XII. You Say Tomato, I Say Delicious, Glistening, Nutritious Meal That Makes Me Feel Renewed and Alive: Emulating the Direction of a Woman's Thoughts for Rapport and Arousal
The direction of a man's thoughts is forward; the direction of a woman's thoughts is inward. That is, men reason from one event in the world of senses to the next event in the world of the senses, and the meaning of the first event is the impact it has on that second event.
For example, buying a new fire-red sports car, for a man, might "mean" impressing more women and therefore having sex with more women.
Women, by contrast, reason inward—that is, they relate a physical event, or an emotion, to their emotions and their values. The meaning of an event is the emotional response it produces. And a given event will often set off a chain of emotional responses, each emotion able to lead to a "deeper," more abstract emotion.
For example, buying a new fire-red sports car, for a woman, might "mean" finally coming to accept and celebrate her sexual desires and desirability. Accepting and celebrating her sexuality might "mean" feeling a sense of freedom. Feeling freedom might "mean" the opportunity to discover more about herself. Discovering more about herself might "mean" feeling more connected to who she truly is. Et Cetera.
Note that the "meanings" in the female list were abstract—that is, they were beliefs, ideas, emotional states, as opposed to physical events (such as having sex with women who are irresistibly attracted to your car). An abstract emotion is one that doesn't include descriptions of things you can see with your eyes, touch with your hand, or hear with your ear— something abstract is something without sensory detail. And the "deeper" the emotion—that is, the more abstract the emotion, and the more that emotion relates to such subtleties as a woman's sense of "self," sense of "destiny," sense of "emotional growth," and so forth—the more important that emotional response becomes in determining a woman's choices and actions.
How is any of this relevant to getting laid?
You can make a woman feel emotionally connected and sexually attracted to you by saying things that match her thought pattern.
Why will matching her thought pattern arouse her? Matching her thought pattern will arouse her because sex, for women, is above all a form of communication, and communicating really well generates rapport; communicating really really well creates strong rapport and also sexual excitement.
This is not the same thing as matching her thoughts.
Let's now draw a distinction between scripts and formulas. A script, for our purposes, is a set of words designed to elicit strong emotions on the listener. The following is a script:
"Have you ever found yourself feeling so good that you can almost imagine the feeling radiating out from you, like a warm, soft, glittering, golden sphere surrounding you, one so rich and satisfying that it speaks to a deep, hidden part of you?"
A formula is a structural analysis of a script--a script for a script—a meta-script. It operates on a higher level of abstraction than a script; rather than specifying the words to be said, it indicates the concepts to be used, while leaving the choice of words to the user.
A formulaic rendering of the script above might be something like this:
Question+emotion1+ synesthesia +emotion2+synesthesia+place1
Question: "have you ever" Emotionl: "feeling so good" Synesthesia: "imagine.golden sphere" Emotion2: "rich and satisfying" Synesthesia: "speaks"
Emotional Placel: "deep, hidden part of you"
When you begin to view scripts as implementations of formulas and focus on the formulas, you'll find you can manufacture scripts spontaneously. Remember, what you say is pretty much unimportant—you just have to get the structure right, and fill in the structure with random bubblewords and sensewords.
You'll see what we mean as you proceed further into the book. Sexual Key focuses on formulas, rather than scripts. Once you understand the formulas sufficiently well, you'll spout effective scripts at will.
Matching her thoughts is extremely potent, but doing this well requires that you know her thoughts.
Matching her thought pattern, by contrast, requires only that you know one simple formula, whatever her particular thoughts at a particular moment might be.
Emotion3^ Emotion 2^ Emotionl^ Pleasure/Pain^
connection to real self ^ excitement ^ anxiety^
packing up house, preparing to move ^
By verbally emulating the way a woman thinks and feels, you make it easy for her to feel the emotions you describe.
How do you emulate a woman's thought patterns? You emulate a woman's thought patterns by verbally suggesting that every physical event and every emotion leads to another, "deeper," more abstract, more powerful emotion. A pleasurable physical stimulus—the warm feeling in your legs that come from bicycling, for example—you can say leads to a sense of "comfort," which in turn leads to "peace," which in turn leads to "connection with yourself," which in turn leads to a sense of "knowing who you are." This sort of chain tends to seem preposterous to men—it started, after all, with warm legs—but this is the kind of emotional chain which seems eminently reasonable to women. It's the way women experience things. And if you describe experiences in this way, you make women feel good and make it easy for them to feel the emotions you describe.
To describe things in a way that's compelling for women, end every description with ".and this gave me a feeling of X," where X is whatever emotion you wish to induce: serenity, self-discovery, passion, a feeling of destiny, or what have you.
Women's emotions tend to cascade; one emotion leads to another emotion, and the further along the chain a given emotion is, the more meaning and impact that emotion will have on her perceptions and experiences. In the example diagram above, connection to her real self will have more influence on her than tension or stress.
For a woman, every physical experience or emotion implies the existence of a "deeper," more powerful emotion to which the first emotion can lead. A woman won't necessarily feel the next emotion in the chain automatically, but can easily be led to feel it by your description.
Emotionl ^Emotion2^Emotion3^Emotion n
As n increases, the emotions tend to become more abstract and more subjectively powerful. A woman's emotions spiral into the depths of the Hidden and Unknown Self, becoming progressively more abstract as they do. Women's emotions are primed to cascade into further, more intense emotions, and the further they cascade in a given moment, the more a woman feels as if she's "learning" and "growing" and "getting in touch" with herself—that is, doing what she's supposed to do.
This can be contrasted with the male thought pattern, which is based on bodily reaction to physical stimulus.
action^physical pleasure/pain^ choose new action
packing up house, preparing to move ^tension^start hauling boxes
When you describe an extremely long chain of emotions to a woman, such a long chain will tend to match her experience, and induce strong rapport. Note how simple the typical male pattern is, by contrast— this is part of the reason why women think men are out of touch with their emotions, and men think women get wrapped up in ridiculously complex concerns. Men tend not to have the kinds of emotional experiences women do; women think men do, or should, and men have no idea what women are talking about.
"When i won the scholarship.",„! fell it freed me...11 "because it validated my choices, and gave me a sense that I'm being true to the person I am, now."
Women internalize external events and experiences. They take them "inside," and process them on ever-deeper emotional levels. An external event seems to exist to teach them about what they want, what they believe, what is good for them, and "who they are". When you speak in bubblewords--emotional abstractions--you encourage them to go "inside" themselves and have strong emotional responses.
Men, by contrast, tend to move their attention from one external event to another, rarely internalizing any one event very deeply.
XIII. The Battlefield and the Wishing Well, or, Where Important Things Happen
The adventures of men and women tend to take place in entirely different realms. Men focus on events/objects/tasks—concrete data; women focus on emotional responses to concrete data, and on responses to prior responses. Men believe they must successfully do things, and that the external world is the arena in which they must prove themselves against others; women believe that the source of possibility and danger is within their own Hidden and Unknown Depths—that they must learn more and more about who they are and what they need, and then incorporate these discoveries into their values and sense of identity.
Men typically experience life as a series of discrete challenges; what we can call the Male Mythic Pattern is something like this:
Continue reading here: TargetingSconfronting SstrugglingSmastering
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