Hands are just great for flirting, from touching each other to touching ourselves. Touching ourselves in public, you cry?
You'll get arrested! Men and women tend to touch themselves a lot when flirting - they play with their hair, women pull their hair from their face to expose their necks. (Note: Watch for slightly flushed necks and chest, blood is rushing around due to arousal). Women stroke their necks and play with necklaces near the breast areas. Some women in full flirt will innocently slide their finger in to their mouth, whilst holding your eye contact. Innocent, my foot! All these actions are to bring attention to those areas of the body she would like you to be touching. Men are really no different - they will be touching their faces and playing with their hair in much the same way. Have you also noticed that some women have very limp wrists - this is a submissive action and will send out the message she wants to be dominated.
Look out for self-preening and adjusting clothing - all messages that indicate that they care about how they look whilst in your presence. Preening each other is also a great technique. If, for instance, her long hair is in her face and the guy gently brushes the hair away for her or she notices the guy's tie is off centre she may straighten it, all positive subtle flirting gestures.
What men will do is any opportunity to show off their goods such as adopting the cowboy stance - feet a shoulder's width apart, with fingers either tucked in jeans or out, either way the fingers are pointed toward the genitals.
Both sexes will also expose the wrists. This is an open gesture that will give off a feeling of intimacy and honesty.
MIRRORING is probably the most important flirting tool you will have. It is just as it sounds. You create a reflection of the person you're talking to. Watch people who are in rapport with each other. They will, without knowing, follow each other's movements, just as if they are a mirror image of each other. This is a natural way to show you are in tune with the other person.
MIRRORING WHEN FLIRTING IS CRITICAL - if it takes place you may do it naturally, but now you will be aware of it. It will make the other person feel at ease and will show that you accept them as an equal and are on the same wavelength. You will notice that the mirroring will escalate as you both become more in tune with each other. Your head may tilt the same way, wrists may be exposed, speech speed and tone will match, smiles will be the same, and your arms may both be stretched out towards each other.
Test this out next time you are with someone, in a low risk situation, maybe with a friend. Get into full rapport, watch how you are both sitting and how comfortable it feels. Then break it, sit back or become closed, fold your arms, speed up your speech and make it slightly louder and notice how the conversation then becomes more difficult. Then mirror again and listen to how the conversation returns to its original state, as if by magic. If you are in a date situation and you are in full rapport, slightly change your body and watch the other person follow you. If you master just this one thing, you are on you way to excellent flirting.
Props are also great for flirting and can be used to amazing affect. I'm talking about glasses - the face furniture kind, straws, drinking glasses, beer mats, menus - in fact, anything to hand, can be very helpful if you are feeling a bit nervous or just want to flirt outrageously and have fun with it. Guys, imagine this great girl sat opposite you has a long stem glass in her hands. She has her fingers on the stem and is sliding them up and down, whilst smiling at you. WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? Yep, she's thinking the same.
Ladies, you notice the guy playing with round objects such as beer mats or his glass. What do you think he's thinking? Actually, he's thinking about your breasts, as the shape represents them.
The straw is an amazing tool - as she teases the straw in and out of her mouth whilst tilting her head and blinking those eyes. This same trick can be used with the arms of sunglasses.
You can use menus and glasses to hide your eyes and then expose them, only to reappear moments later. It's a great game if you trying to attract someone's attention. It's kind of shy, yet very provocative and great fun, especially if combined with a flash of a smile.
We also use our clothes as a kind of prop to reveal our bodies. Girls are great at teasing guys with what is or could be on offer, but remember girls, be stylish to get this right. Go too far and watch the tart label appear. Guys will label you in two ways. Would I want her for the night or she could be relationship material? So its good to decide what you are out for and what message you want to give.
I heard a story of a nudist camp where a beautiful girl with a great figure turned up. Sure the guys noticed her, but soon she just became one of the many naked people. At the end of the week, a dinner dance was arranged and formal dress was required. This girl turned up wearing a stunning dress with a split up the leg. Now remember, the guys had seen this girl naked all week but. could they take their eyes off the split in the skirt?
What is really important is that once you know what to look for, you can start to notice what he or she is doing involuntarily. All the unspoken messages you are being given will be giving you a very clear picture as to how the other person is feeling. Remember keep looking for multiple gestures - one is not enough. Just because someone has folded arms, it does not mean that they don't like you. They could be cold or they have always stood or sat like that because they are comfortable that way, so pick up on all that you have learnt.
Was this article helpful?