ABF Always Be Flirting
One of the great guy movies of the last decade is "Glengarry Glen Ross." It's essentially a male power struggle in the realm of real estate sales. One of the lines in the movie (and in sales) is ABC - Always Be Closing. I'm updating that for you and your dating search to ABF -Always Be Flirting.
You have to take on a certain mindset if you want to improve and become more successful with women. All too frequently, men look at dating and the prospecting process as an isolated event. They are either being "themselves" or they are flirting and dating, as if the two are separate parts of their personalities. I am here to tell you that you must fuse these two parts of your behavior if you are to move on to the level of True Performance with women. It's like adding an octane boost to your fuel, and you'll make exponential strides in your development.
Here's how this works:
Whenever you are talking with a woman (or women), you are flirting.
I don't care if it's the old lady that lives upstairs to you or the pregnant woman serving you coffee at Starbucks. ABF! You are using every single interaction with a woman to practice your technique and your ability to engage her attraction and trust mechanisms. Instead of viewing some women as approachable and some as just routine, you begin to see how women as a whole are not dangerous or scary. Isn't it interesting how the women you aren't attracted to are safe and easy to talk to, while the ones you desire become intimidating? Every woman is equal, and understanding this will make it easier for you when you do see a gorgeous blonde in the Best Buy flipping through CDs. She'll become just another woman for you to interact with.
Remember: Teasing is flirting. The best kind of flirtation with a woman is to tease her, to bust her balls, to let her know that she is not on a pedestal. Make fun of her. Be indifferent to her interest. All these elements of teasing pull together the Three S's (Self-confidence, Self-discipline, Sense-of-humor) and present you as a challenge to her. When you don't approach her with a compliment or a come-on, she also doesn't start registering you as someone that wants to date her. You sneak under her radar.
Teasing is flirting.
- "So, do you always wear seven-inch heels? I've never seen an Amazon woman before. How's the air up there?"
- "I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw you flip your hair at me. I saw 'Charlie's Angels.' I know what you're up to."
- "You want me to buy you a drink? No, sorry, I think that's a bit forward. How about you buy me a drink, and show me a progressive woman." (Delivered with a smirk)
- "Excuse me, but I hope you don't drive your car like you drive that shopping cart. You must have expensive insurance."
You flirt everywhere you can, and you have some bust-her-balls comments ready to sling her way.
The best flirt tool I can possibly suggest is to learn how to read palms. Palm reading is an excellent method of touching her (you've got to hold her hand to read it), as well as engaging her romantic thought process. Here are other flirting methods:
Tarot, Astrology, handwriting, I-ching: Use all the fortune telling methods out there. Women love to try these, even when they say they don't believe in them. They want to believe in them. Women believe in destiny and fate.
Dog/Baby/Props: Anything that can give a woman an excuse to talk to you is worth having on you when you go out. Babies are good, but beware that they don't think it's yours.
Most often, they'll ask whose it is if they're interested in you. Other props include interesting jewelry, or a cowboy hat. A cleverly added affectation.
Show a Skill or Talent: Magic is an excellent flirting tool. If you know a couple of good card tricks, you will get her curiosity going, not to mention demonstrate your mystery and self-confidence. Another skill to use to flirt is a musical instrument. Women are very attracted to music, as well as musicians. Take it from me, having played guitar for over fourteen years -nothing is as seductive as playing a song for a woman. Other skills are things like juggling, or origami.
Take a Survey: This one is not for the faint of heart, but if you get a head of steam on you and decide you want to be really bold, make up a dating survey for women. Go outside and target a few ladies and tell them you're not selling them anything, you just want a few seconds to ask some questions about dating. (What woman could refuse?) When you're done, ask for their email and phone number in case you want to "follow up with them." Make it obvious that this follow-up could be more, but you're not telling. This takes balls, but you'll get great results when you get going.
There are more methods of flirting and getting exposed to women than I can give you here. The point is to find something in your comfort zone, and use it. Then move outside your comfort zone and do more. If you put a little thinking behind it, you can come up with ideas of your own like the survey above.
One rule of thumb: Always quit flirting while it's still fun. If you flirt too far, you'll lose the positive buzz you get when you just keep it fun. This reinforces it to your nervous system as a good experience, nullifies any fear, and ensures that you'll come back and do more. If you start flirting with women only to get phone numbers, you'll start to look at flirting as a drag if you don't get the rewards you hope for. When you stop flirting, you severely damage your attraction ability with women.
Continue reading here: The Dating Continuum
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