How And When To Use Your Touch

kinesthesia (n) 1: the perception of body position and movement and muscular tensions etc. 2: the ability to feel movements of the limbs and body kino (n) 1 : The use of touch to arouse physical and emotional desire.

There are many approaches and varied understandings about the topic of touching in the dating journals, and at least as much confusion. Hopefully, the information that follows will help to clarify this topic so that you can apply a strategy to your techniques of using kinaesthetics - kino - to your advantage.

There are no hard and fast rules to apply in all situations. So you must be flexible enough to employ varied approaches with your techniques along the way, as you progress along the continuum, and in different amounts depending on the woman. Use touching less during the first few dates, more later in the process. Nowhere is this more important than with the fine art of touching. In the world of dating and seduction, we call this "kino."

First of all, what kind of person are you? Are you reserved? Do you enjoy touching other people? Touching yourself? Go ahead and smile at that, but this is something to determine so that you know what you consider comfortable. Some people are very touchy-feely, always hugging and kissing their friends, family, dogs, and just about any stranger that comes into their sphere of influence. People at the other end of the spectrum might cringe when a cashier puts change in their hand. It's all in your upbringing.

I grew up in an Italian/British family, and you could see the difference in the way we expressed affection on each side of the family. The Italians would pinch your cheeks and hug you until your ribs snapped. However, a kiss on my English grandma's cheek was about the extent of it. Ethnicity links to our family upbringing and disposes us to certain patterns of touch, and our comfort with them. (Remember also that even spatial distance, without touching, is also a part of kino. How far you intrude into another person's personal space will be noticed and will have effects. More on this later.)

One of the first things you must realize is that men, on the whole, start touching women far too early in their interactions. Men are tactile beings, just as women are. That is, we're gropers. We long for the soft touch of a woman's flesh, and the neat little parts of her that seem to beg for our hands to go there. What we men lack is self-control. It's difficult for many of us to hold back, especially because men originate our experience with visual curiosity -- we see a

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The Dating Black Book pretty gal, and that becomes a craving to touch her. From that point on, we are fighting our own natural desires. Most men mistakenly believe that by touching the woman, we can stoke her flames of desire by showing our interest. Well, we can and we can't, as we shall see.

Let's start with a primer on good and bad forms of kino and work forward into how best to use them with the ladies in your life.

First of all, the Bad.

Understand that women are very sensitive to touch, and touch is almost never neutral; it will either have a positive or negative affect. Some touching is almost universally bad, and again, this relates to where you are in the continuum of dating with this particular woman. It depends mostly on how long you've known her, and what kind of precedent you have set with respect to touching. Probably more important than the quantity of touching you use on her is the relative amount between you. You should aim for touching her just a little less than she wants to touch you.

Don't ever touch private or intimate parts of her body until you have received incontrovertible evidence that she wants you to. Stay away from her butt, her breasts, her legs, her stomach, until much later. In fact, I would go so far as to suggest holding off on any intimate touching until she has initiated it or is so obviously in heat you'll need to wear tear-away clothing. You must program yourself that you are now a gentleman, with self-discipline and restraint. You see, women are not used to men having self-discipline, and as a result you will stand out if you can demonstrate this to her. At some point, however, it will be up to you to initiate contact, but with discretion.

First, don't ever touch her in a way that is painful. I know that this may come as a shock to you, but punching her on the arm, noogies, pinching, or any kind of physically unpleasant contact is a definite NO-NO. Playground antics were cute when you were seven, but now it's time to grow up. Understand that a woman's first and overriding concern is whether or not you are safe, and you must be sensitive to this.

You should also recognize that you should never tolerate physical abuse from a woman, either. If she ever strikes you or lashes out in anger, leave. Do not let a dip in your self-esteem be your downfall, as it was with Tommy Lee. (Be aware: Studies show that just as many men are physically abused as women.) A playful swat with a napkin is the extent of it. When you two are in the throes of passion, she might ask for a spanking, but hey, that's another topic.

In general, on the first few meetings with her, whether it's over coffee or a three-course meal, show some restraint. A lot of restraint. Let's put it this way, it's better to hold back too much than to err on the side of demonstrating physical attention too soon or inappropriately. For a first meeting, I usually go for a quick hug, which lets them know that I'm not needy, and that I'm confident enough that I will not shy away from touching. Balance your distance with a

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