See Her Approach Flirt Get Phone No Get Dates Sex Relationship

It's really not that complicated, when you get down to the fundamentals.

The secret in approaching a woman with the intent of getting her phone number is to do it in such a way that you sneak under the usual defenses. Here's the scoop:

Women are approached all the time, sometimes by guys they would like to meet again, sometimes not. Most guys come up to a woman and either come on too strong or too weak. In either case, she knows they are coming on to her, and she switches on her factory-equipped defense mechanism against dweebs. Once she knows you are interested in her, she has to figure out if she's interested in you. And, she'll start a whole mental chain of thinking - all of which comes back to a gut instinct reaction of: "Uh-oh ..."

You want to avoid her switching on this mechanism, at least until you've got your foot in the door. You don't want to start the "Here comes another guy who's interested in me" pattern. You want to approach from a different angle. It's like she is a jet fighter who has gotten so skilled at the same initial attack vectors. No matter who the opponent is, she will roll and evade out of habit - even if she's interested.

What's your angle? You approach her as a man who is different from all the others. First of all some don'ts:

- Don't start in with a compliment, unless it's unique, genuine, and about something that does not have to do with her body appearance. Try her shoes, or her jewelry. (If she's very attractive, never start with a compliment about her looks.)

- Don't start in with any embarrassing lines, like: "Hey, do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?"

- Don't stare at her breasts or body. Keep your eyes locked on her face and eyes.

Also, remember that a woman in a public setting (especially alone) has more defenses engaged. She might flick that switch on her defenses on sight, and it will take several well-targeted missiles to bring down her plane. You have to be a little persistent to break through. That's part of her defense mechanism. If you give up on the first try, she doesn't feel any loss, because you didn't really show that you had the balls to be different than the rest of the guys who quit too soon.

It's tempting to misinterpret their discomfort or even reluctant to talk at this stage. Her automatic reaction is to step back and be cautious, because she feels nervous now. Her reaction has almost nothing to do with you! She's not rejecting you. You could be a Back Street Boy or one of the guys from Nsync, and she'd still act in that playful, shy way. She just doesn't have any trust yet. You have to persist past this weird zone and get to where she has a smidgen of trust for you, and then build on it. In fact, the best thing to do is to tease her a little about her apparent nervousness: "Wow, it's gotta suck thinking every average guy is coming on to you, huh? Don't worry, I'm not average." (Smirk.)

Act indifferent to her and don't show too much interest. That's what scares most women off and causes their initial reluctance, because you've gone and flipped her defensive alarm switch.

_ Here's how you can approach and get her phone number: "Hi, I was just on my way to the bank, but you caught my eye. I really liked that bracelet/watch/bag/etc." Talk about it for a second. "Well, gotta run. Nice talking to you." Turn and start to walk away, then turn back. (This gets her to lower her guard, thinking you were just there to chat. No neediness.) "Hey, we might want to continue this sometime. What's your home phone number?"

Your introduction line can be as simple as "Do you have the time?" She tells you, and then you ask her about her watch. If she doesn't have a watch, you tease her about not having a watch. You end the conversation, and then turn back as if it was an afterthought to get her number. "Hey we might want to continue this sometime. What's your home phone?"

Get yourself some perspective while you're at it. Imagine having to be dropped in for military action somewhere in the Middle East, under heavy fire. Does going up and talking to a woman seem daunting in the face of that?

How about getting up in front of a hundred people and talking about your childhood? How about streaking down the aisles of your cube-farm at work?

Does approaching one woman seem that hard now?

Don't let your imagination run amok. She actually wants you to come up and talk to her. You're the one who's talking yourself out of it, not her. You have to learn that inaction is much worse than taking action and failing.

And, every so often, in spite of yourself, a woman will drop into your arms. She walks up and says "Hi" and starts talking, or she makes it a point to touch you as she passes you at a party. She'll have the presence and balls that you might not have at that moment. She's not afraid to let you know she's interested. What do you do?

In sales, this is known as a no-brainer. Hand her the contract and let her sign it. You give her a card/napkin/sticky/whatever and a pen and you tell her to write her name and phone number down. Don't try to use any material or come up with something clever thing to say, just chat for a second, get her digits, and go pat yourself on the back for an easy sale.

90% of what we worry about never happens,

and 90% of what happens to us, we never had a chance to worry about

Jump, and the Net Will Appear

Essentially, what many men are doing is waiting. Waiting for permission. Waiting for fate. Waiting for the right moment. In fact, every person on the planet has something they want and are just waiting to have happen, but haven't made it happen yet.

Admit it, haven't you sat at a bar or at a social event and seen someone you thought was interesting, and haven't you found yourself sitting there waiting for something to happen? You don't really hear words in your head telling you to not walk over and start talking to her, but you sit there battling a silent fear inside you that tells you that there is only pain ahead.

You have to jump first, and then your net will appear. You have to take a leap of faith, and understand that your cushion or safety - your net - is not going to be visible to you at this second, especially when facing a challenge. Your net is invisible at this point, and it will not appear until you act.

Let me give you an example of how this works:

Tom goes out to make a deposit at the ATM during his lunch hour. He sees an attractive woman and wonders if he should talk to her. She's talking with another gal, and Tom starts to feel the creeping fear of being shot down. He bolsters up a bit of courage, walks over and says "Hello" to her as he heads to the ATM, forcing himself to keep eye contact. She smiles and says "Hi" back, and keeps her eyes on him. Tom stops, walks up and starts some small talk with the two of them. After a minute, he tells them he has to leave, but would love to continue the conversation at a later date. He closes for her phone number, but she says she's engaged. However, her friend, Tina, is interested and offers Tom her phone number instead. Tom gladly takes it and heads off to the ATM machine.

Tom's net wasn't visible until he acted. In this situation, the friend that happened to be available (and interested) was the net. In another situation, he might not get a phone number at all, but the net will still catch him. Each situation has a net built in, but it will be up to you to find it. You can choose to see the situation as a bust - you failed to get a number, a kiss, a grope -but the experience and opportunity you gain from the situation will be your net. And you want to have the faith that the net is out there without seeing it, or you will fail to take action.

There are men who would say this is a mind game, a trick to tell yourself that you're inventing meaning from nothing. To this I tell you, if I have a choice of taking action and coming away with a lesson learned that will improve my ability - as well as a phone number - or doing nothing and getting nothing, no experience or number ... Well, which would you choose?

You miss every shot you don't take.

-Wayne Gretzky

I did make an assumption there - that you will act on your desire. What you need to do, if you cannot seem to get up the nerve to act, is to act in spite of your fears. You have to learn to practice the Three Second Rule.

The Three Second Rule

The Three Second Rule states that you have three seconds from the moment you are presented with an opportunity to meet a woman to when you actually take action. After the three seconds are up, your mind will turn against you and sabotage all your chances of an effective, confident introduction. In the previous example, if Tom had deliberated for longer than three seconds, his LoserBoy dialogue would have kicked in.

LoserBoy: Forget it! She's obviously not interested, since she's looking in a different direction. She probably doesn't even like Italian guys. I'm even guessing she has hideous toes. Maybe even webbed feet. Finish your drink and let's go...

LoserBoy would have said anything to keep Tom at home with him on the couch with the X-box, getting fat, lazy, and more sexually abstinent. Act now, before LoserBoy can open his mouth. If you jump to action within the Three Second limit, you will find yourself short-circuiting that inner monologue, and you'll even start to feel better about your misses. You'll find you approach women more because the fear is muted, and when you approach more women, you get more hits, and the hits will make you more successful overall. This puts you on the Upward Spiral, instead of the self-destructive Downward Spiral most men enable when they start to obsess and lose their self-control.

Three seconds is also an important time for her, too. She noticed that Tom noticed her, and a timer was started in the back of her mind. She wasn't aware it was there, but if Tom had taken too much longer to deliberate and wonder if he should, if she's his type, if, if, if. she would have sensed his insecurity and discounted him as not being very self-confident.

Yes, there is a part of women that is flattered when you seem a little tongue-tied or shy to talk, but that flattery doesn't last very long, or get you very far. Skip the flattery and just get her phone number.

The Comfort Zone

We're working to break through the comfort zone you've built around yourself. The comfort zone is the safe and secure cocoon we all create to give us an illusion of safety and stability. It started out as your crib when you were a baby, then it expanded to include your bedroom (is there a more sacred place to anyone than their childhood room?) After that, it started to include the house you grew up in, then the neighborhood you lived in, and so on. The problem with this zone is that it's not just the physical surroundings about you; it includes your psychological comfort as well. We start to hem in our behaviors to keep risk down and safety up. We don't do things we think might jeopardize our sense of comfort.

Unfortunately, our comfort zone is also directly impacted by one word, the word we most dread when asking for what we want, which is why so many people stop asking after a while. The word is "No."


We've been conditioned since we were kids to hear the word "no" and think of it as a rejection. The ironic thing is that when we were kids, we were the most persistent. Ever seen a kid asking his mom for something at the store? "Please?" No. "But mommmmm!" No. "Please???" They're the best salespeople ever, just watch one at work. Beating down the objections until they get that pack of gum they want. After a while, though, when we don't get what we want, we get emotionally attached to the rejection, as if the No meant "No, you don't deserve it. You're not good enough for it." When we're told no, we fail to let go of that child part of us that says that the denial is some kind of evaluation of us.

This is really a form of narcissism (also covered later in "Poisonous Women"). When you stumble on the street, you feel a blush of embarrassment because you think everyone was watching and is laughing at you. The Truth is that hardly anybody is paying that much attention to you or anyone else. They're all too busy worrying about the same things you are - if someone saw that their fly was open, or that zit on their forehead. You might find this a bit depressing; after all, everyone wants to feel like they're special and valued. Again, the Truth is that it is liberating knowing that all those reasons you have for feeling afraid/ashamed/embarrassed are really a self-created illusion.

Congratulations! You are now free to do what you need to get what you want. Rejection is a response you will have that assumes that there is something wrong with you, when you should be assuming that the problem is with her - or there is no problem at all. If a woman rejects you, and you know that your behavior is in line with the Three S's, you should assume that it is her issue. She just saved you the pain and effort of having to cut her free later.

Some women do not want what you have to offer, or will just not take a chance on letting you even show them. The Truth: If she isn't interested, you can't make her. Move on.

Why do men insist on getting hung up on the one they can't get? For the same reason that playing hard to get works - because men and women both respond to a challenge. Build up a callous so that the occasional rejection will have absolutely no sting to it whatsoever. Let go of the ones that don't want what you've got.

Detach Yourself from the Outcome

A final step in overcoming your fear of interacting with women is dispelling the notion that there needs to be a specific outcome for it to have been worthwhile. Most guys go into every female interaction expecting the whole progression laid out in front of them: And next I

ask her out to dinner, and then I have to call her, and then we go on a date, and then I have to try and kiss her, and then I try to get her back to my place and ...

Whoah there, Studpuppet. Don't go picking out baby names just yet. Remember, this is a continuum, where one step leads to the next. You can move faster or slower, but the progression is almost always the same. You don't need to have it all figured out, just the next step on the path. The outcome is actually unimportant, as long as you continue to learn from your mistakes and keep going. If you get too attached to an outcome, such as getting a kiss or getting laid, you will be broadcasting that intent with every action. Remember that she will pick up on your vibe. Don't worry about the outcome; it will take care of itself.

The Best Opening Line Ever

Women know you are looking to pick them up, so don't try to hide it or be ashamed of it, as if what you're doing is wrong. If men and women don't get together, little babies don't get made, and the human species becomes extinct. Do us all a favor and stow away all the emotional baggage and guilt about being seen as "picking up on women." Women know you're doing it, and they want you to do it so they can meet you. Just don't work it to the extreme where you look like a stereotypical pick-up artist with his gold chains and pinky ring.

Your next step: Find an approach that is comfortable, not too contrived, and puts you in a position to ask for your objective - her phone number. I have one that works spectacularly, and you'd be amazed what kind of success you'll have if you will use it on a regular basis. It takes a while to memorize, but once you get the inflection and tone down, it's a winner. Are you ready? Here it is:

5 Ways to Turn Your Nice Girl Naughty

5 Ways to Turn Your Nice Girl Naughty

You have found a good girl. She's cute, sexy, sweet, caring, funny, faithful... and best of all, she's into you. You've done good! And, your friends are all jealous. Maybe you used some of the powerful attraction and seduction tips from our other reports. Or maybe you're just a natural. Either way, you're happy.

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