Supplemental Traits

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These additional traits, while not part of the primary Three S's, are still a critical part of your internal game. They also need to be understood and developed thoroughly to fully develop yourself as a Dynamic Man.

Attitude

Attitude is another of the massively important concepts to understand if you want to be successful in the game of love. Attitude is the way you project your self-esteem to the world around you. Attitude is the all-powerful determinant of how successful you are at anything.

What happens to you is not nearly as important as what you do with it.

Those who have achieved great success in the world have learned this one fact: With few exceptions, you must not care too much about what other people think about you. The problem arises when you take this to an extreme, and your attitude blinds you to the negative effects you have on other people. At this point, you are technically known as an "asshole." If you're aware and conscientious, you should not have any problems going overboard, since it's my experience that people err to the side of caring far too much about what people think than too little.

There's something else you should know about women that will have an enduring affect on your attitude:

She's not better than you.

This is probably the most commonly held misperception that men and women have about each other, reflecting back on our self-esteem and perceptions of ourselves. One of the ways I overcame this in my life was when I realized that, intrinsically, there is not one human being who is truly more valuable or 'better' than any one else. We all sleep, eat, fart, belch, and a host of other natural body functions. No one is intimidating when they're sitting on the toilet.

What ultimately ends up raising our status in life is what we do with our lives. Not lamenting over the things we can't change - our traumatic childhoods, wishing we were taller, etc. More often than not, the source of your fears when faced with a situation where you must initiate something with a woman is that you secretly believe that she is of higher status - that she's better than you in some way, and that her judgment of you will reflect on you. Once you dispel this damaging belief, you will see that it is a distortion and a limiting delusion.

There are many techniques to overcome this mindset. The first is one I hinted at earlier: take a moment before you engage in discussion with a woman to picture her with her underwear around her ankles on the toilet. Another visualization would be to imagine what your 9-out-of-10 Hottie will look like when she's seventy-three-years-old. Or, if she packed on thirty pounds when she's pregnant.

Scary? Harsh? Perhaps. These are not the most romantic of images, but that's not what you need right now. Romantic illusions abound in the first few months of dating, and anything you can do to keep your head together will help keep you from fooling yourself and creating more attraction-lowering problems. You'll have plenty of time to indulge in starry-eyed-dreaming along the way, but your dreaming should be about repeating the thrill of success you felt on your last date, not a fantasy of what might be.

She's not better than you. Doesn't knowing this suddenly make it a piece of cake to walk over and get her phone number?

A positive outlook is a major portion of your overall attitude. It's an overall health indicator of a person, since it reflects their predominant life philosophy. It's a bit corny to use the old "glass is half empty/full" analogy anymore (probably because we're all so cynical that even the best sayings are rejected if they're heard more than once.) I may not be able to convince you that a positive attitude is more realistic than a negative one, but I do have a very overwhelming reason why you cannot indulge in negative attitudes or pessimism:

You don't know enough to be pessimistic.

Pessimism is based largely on the false assumption that you know enough about the future to make a judgment about it. We all want to feel like we're superior, and one of the ways we do that is to make deductive leaps so that we can say, "I told you so" later on. Pessimism is like that. You assume the worst, and when someone tells you it didn't work out the way they'd expected (even if they learned something in the process), the negative guy starts in with how he "knew it all along."

LoserBoy: See, I told you she wouldn't give you her phone number. Why did you have to try anyway? You should listen to me more.

LoserBoy: See, I told you she wouldn't give you her phone number. Why did you have to try anyway? You should listen to me more.

In reality, no one knows the future. We all want to base our expectations of the future on the past, but - just like the prospectus for a mutual fund says - "past performance is not an indicator of future performance." Performance could be great; or it might really suck. The point is that there is no more probability that it will suck than not. All things being equal, you can always choose the outlook that life will do its best for you, or its worst.

I choose the best.

Your attitude will determine your success, and not just in relationships and dating. Attitude ultimately charts your course for the destinations you choose in life. Don't underestimate the value and importance of this trait.

Scarcity versus Abundance

Do you see limitless options in the world?

Do you see enough success in the world for everyone? Or do you find yourself jealous when a friend or co-worker achieves something worthwhile?

Do you believe that Success is like a pie, and you have to get your slice or someone else might get it instead? Do you think that when someone gets a girl, that leaves one less for you?

Are you afraid of losing a chance for sex with a woman?

These questions highlight whether you have a scarcity or an abundance mentality. When you are motivated by scarcity, you are motivated by the fear of loss. You act only when you feel you must, because something in your life may be taken away if you don't. You don't seize opportunity; you fight to keep what you've got.

When you have an abundance mentality, you see that there are more options in the world than you have time to explore. There are more women in the world than you have time to meet, much less waste your time on the ones who aren't interested in you. The universe is filled with infinite possibilities, and you have no time to wallow in despair over failures (perceived or real).

NEVER forget you were born without her. And that there are hundreds more like her and thousands more that are even better than her. Don't waste your time!

Here is a concept I learned while in sales, and it is extremely valid in the world of dating. It is a great motivator to combat the sneaky voice of LoserBoy, and to do the things you know you must in order to be successful.

The more you do the things that unsuccessful people won't do, the more successful you will be.

The more you do the things that would deter or discourage others, the greater a success you will be. And if you can find a way to actually like doing those things, you'll win even bigger.

When I was working in financial services, I noticed that there were so many people in our business who absolutely refused to do any cold calling. You'd think they would have to dip their heads in gasoline with all the resistance they gave. So I went out and got a Criss-Cross directory (also known as a reverse telephone directory, which lists people by address as well as name) and called everyone within my county. I came up with a script and I set a goal of getting four appointments a night. Initially, it was painful (if you think dating is fraught with rejection, try cold sales, my friends.) But after a while, it got to be easy, because I accepted that the worst thing that could happen was that they would say no, and I kept going. And I even started to get good at it after a while, and I got sales. I did what others would not, and achieved success as a result.

What almost all of our fears boil down to, in essence, is a fear of displeasing others. At the root of our fears in life, we learned from an early age that we don't want to get anyone angry with us. It started with our parents, and ever since then, we've been a slave to the approval of others. Today, there's little in the way of real physical threats to us that we need to be afraid of, like famine, or plague, or being attacked by animals. In dating, what's the worst that could happen? She says "no?" I'll take that over the plague any day. And the Truth is that even the worst approach won't get rejected more than nine out of ten times.

Set your mind on this new path. You will accept that the worst thing that could happen to you in meeting a woman is that she says "No," and that her "No" has nothing to do with who you are as a man. And when you get a "No," you're also getting an opportunity to learn from your approach and improve it. So you see, in reality, you never lose. (Rewrite the rules!)

When you understand this, when you own it, you might even find yourself hoping a few women say "No" just to get a little more experience.

What does not kill us, makes us stronger.

Integrity

A man's character is all he really has. Your integrity of character will guide you as you as you enter the dating arena. A firm sense of who you are and what you stand for serve as an invaluable guide when times are tough. Will you be able to weather those difficult times, stand tall and proud of what you believe in? Or will you crumble, an emotional mess? It is said that if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

Before you start meeting women and putting yourself out on the market, you should have a good list of your positive attributes and strengths. Who would seriously consider selling a product without knowing what its benefits and advantages are over the competition? And that's exactly what you're doing - selling your product (yourself) to your target market (women.)

I made a list for myself that I keep in my wallet as a reminder, and I'm including it here for you to review. These are the Power Points that remind me that I have the choice to stay or go, and any woman who can't recognize these qualities is the loser, not me.

INTELLIGENT/PERCEPTIVE

A LEADER

GOOD LISTENER

CONFIDENT/COCKY

HUMOROUS

SELF-DISCIPLINED

CREATIVE

GROWING

SPONTANEOUS/ADVENTUROUS

EMOTIONALLY MATURE

PHYSICALLY FIT/HEALTHY

CHIVALROUS/ROMANTIC

CARING/GIVING

GREAT DRESSER

FLEXIBLE

HIGH INTEGRITY

CLEAN

GOOD PROVIDER/SUCCESSFUL

BALANCED

UPBEAT/POSITIVE

KNOW WOMEN/THEIR BODIES

LOYAL

RESPONSIBLE

SOPHISTICATED

There are a whole host of visualization and affirmation methods out there that can help if you've got some self-esteem issues (and everyone - including me - could stand some improvement.) See the References at the end of the book for more materials that can help you in this area.

You are what you think about all day long.

I once read somewhere that we should all act as if we are the host of a huge party. Life itself is our party, after all. Have you ever noticed that when you're hosting a party, you feel this self-assured role, able to start and mix into any conversation you desire? It's easy because it's your party. Well, there's nothing stopping you from doing this every single day, and at every real party or gathering you take part in. Pretend that the world is your party.

Act as if you are the host. Because, in reality, no one else is any more than you.

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